Rebirth (RAW Family 3)

He smiled a toothy grin a second before his brow knitted, just like his father’s. “Why was Daddy walking around the house this morning?”

My gut sank.

Oh, fuck my life.

“He was...” Ah, shit. I couldn’t think. My palms were sweating. “He was checking for spiders.”

“Oh,” said A.J., as if he completely understood.

Whelp, if he did understand, I was hoping he’d explain it to me because I had no freaking idea what I was talking about.

Julius choked on a laugh. “Real pest problem in this house.”

I scowled at his smirking face. “It would seem so.”

A.J. was completely oblivious to any and all innuendo his uncle Julius was giving off. “Can I please watch TV now?”

Oh, God, yes. “Sure, honey. Go for it.”

When my child was out of sight, I turned back to my so-called friends and watched as they grinned widely in my direction. With a grunt, I walked over to the coffee machine and turned it on. As I did, a small smile pulled at my lips. “Oh, shut up.”

Later that day, after I’d showered and covered the small hickey on my neck, I went to the store, leaving A.J. in Molly’s care. When I returned, it was no surprise that Twitch was on my living room floor, playing Guess Who with his son.

“Hi,” I called out as I walked the hall with a grocery bag in each hand.

“Hi, Mummy,” said A.J., looking down at the game.

Twitch jerked his chin toward me. “Need a hand?”

I smiled politely. “I’m good.”

While I unpacked the groceries, I heard Twitch speak to his son. “Bud, I need to talk to your mom a second. Why don’t you go find Molly?”

Just as he walked into the kitchen, I popped the pills into my mouth and sipped some water, swallowing them down. He looked down at the packet. That was fine; I wasn’t hiding it. Not from him.

He held the box up. “What’s this?”

I shrugged lightly. “Plan B.” His brow furrowed, so I went on, “Emergency contraceptive.” His brow pulled even lower, and I uttered quietly, “I’m not on birth control, Tony, and you...” How did he phrase it? “...made a deposit. This’ll make sure a baby isn’t conceived.”

His face turned impassive as he processed what I was saying. “So,” he started, “no more babies?”

It was a question asked in a way that implied he assumed we wanted more children.

My heart stopped, then started again with a jolt.

I asked the question cautiously. “You want more babies?”

Twitch twisted to look into the family room where A.J. was now battling Molly in a game of Guess Who. What he said made me melt. “Look at him. Look how perfect he is.” He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I could have another ten of those, at the very least.” He twisted back to me. “We’re not gettin’ any younger, baby. This might be our only opportunity.”

I liked the sound of that so much that it made me irrationally angry. And because I was angry, I needed someone to take it out on. “Well, yeah, Twitch. I’d love more kids, but I’m not prepared to do it alone.” My mouth pulled down into a frown. “I don’t even know how I got through it the first time around. Everything was a blur. I was mourning and medicated, and I was in no state to have that beautiful boy.” My heart began to race. “I was in such a bad state that I was robbed of my own wishes. I couldn’t give birth naturally because I was too weak, mentally and physically. I couldn’t breastfeed because my milk supply never came in. I wanted those things—” I scowled at him. “—and you took them from me.”

His jaw steeled. He didn’t speak.

“So, what?” I asked. “What’s the plan? You’re just going to come back every five years and impregnate me? Is that it?” My heart was racing. “Miss out on all the hard stuff and come back to enjoy your children when they’re fun?” I shook my head. “Like I said, yeah, I wanted more children, and maybe some day I’ll have them.” I shouldn’t have said what I did. “But not with you.”

Molly, feeling the tension in the kitchen, stood and said to A.J., “Little dude, come see the bird’s nest I found.” The little monster followed her into the backyard, leaving me alone with the man who broke my heart.

Twitch looked tired. “What the fuck do I have to do to convince you I’m not going anywhere?” He took a step closer, his eyes imploring. “Tell me what I need to do and I’ll do it.”

I shook my head slowly. “No, you don’t get to do that.” My eyes settled on his. “You don’t get to be upset when the person who would have given her goddamn life for you no longer trusts you. You’re at fault here, not me.”

He spun on me, giving me his back, and I knew he was fighting to control himself.

My voice came out weary. “I was your ride or die, Tony. I would have done anything for you. And you left me.” My soul was still hurting. “You left me with a broken heart, a child, and a fucking tombstone.” I let out a humorless laugh. “Not only that, but you made me believe you were my hero, that you saved me.” This was not something I would just get over. “That’s so messed up.”

When he turned to face me again, his face was drawn. “If I could go back—”

I rolled my eyes. “You’d have never done it. I know.”

But he shook his head. His tone was black. “Do it all over again.” I frowned as he went on. “To keep you safe, to keep my son safe, I would sacrifice everything. Even my own life.” My face turned passive as he dealt his parting blow. “You don’t fucking get it, do you, angel?” He looked miserable. “The few hours I spend with you are worth the thousand I spent without you.”

My heart panged at his uncharacteristically open admission.

He looked at me a long moment before he lowered his gaze and moved. I watched him walk down the hall and out the door.

Maybe I was being too hard on him.

Unfortunately, I just didn’t have it in me to care.

Nostalgia had me taking a detour on the way home. Regrettably, what was meant to be a reassuring and comforting trip ended up being traumatic in so many ways I could barely function.

I came home sobbing, and when I parked my car, I marched across the road and slammed my fist on his door.

The second he answered, he took in my red, blotchy face and his eyes widened in panic. “What happened?” He gripped my arms and spoke softly. “Where’s A.J.?”

“A.J.’s fine.” I sniffled. “He’s with Molly.” Fresh tears flowed, and I took my hand, pounding my fist onto his chest, as I ground out, “You tell them to put it back!”

He grasped my hands in his, holding them firmly as his brow furrowed. “What? Put what back? Who?”

But I wasn’t in the mood. “You know what I’m talking about.” I choked on a sob. “I want it back. Now.”

He held my hands in his, rubbing them gently. “I need you to talk to me, angel. Explain this to me.”

My wretched sob was barely audible. “The headstone.” I blinked through my tears. “You tell them to put it back. It wasn’t theirs to take.”

And as if a bulb lit up over his head, his body slumped and he sighed softly. “They finally took it.”

My voice was rough. “There’s nothing left. They dug it up. It’s gone”

The entire grave was gone, like the last six years hadn’t happened. As if my mourning was all in my mind and it wasn’t warranted. My head was a mess.

How dare they?

That gravestone meant something to me, and they couldn’t have it.

“Baby.” His brow furrowed as he continued to caress my hands. “Why are you so upset about this?”

“Because,” I started, swiping at my cheeks. “Because when you leave us again, it’s all A.J. will have left.” My body shook with the force of my soul-wracking cries. “Because it’s all I’ll have left of you.” I panted hard, snatching my hand from his and pounding it onto his chest once more. “It’s mine. I want it back!”

Twitch’s face fell,

and as I took out my anger on his hard, unyielding chest, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his strong body while I fell apart. I cried hard, without shame, and as I took in an unsteady breath, I let out a shattered, “Don’t leave us. Not again.”

What I meant was, “Don’t leave me.”

He had to know I wouldn’t live through it. Not a second time.