It’s not that I’m a jealous person per se, it’s that I’ve never had this kind of attraction to any other man before. Even though he ignores me, pays me no attention whatsoever, I feel like we could have something special.
Is that naive of me?
What the hell would I have to offer him, anyway?
Yeah, I’m pretty – I’m not conceited it’s just the truth – I’m physically fit, have all the attributes men look for in a woman, so why doesn’t he look twice at me?
He’s certainly looking at Denise. Who wouldn’t when she looks the way she does in that skin-tight dress, with her long dark hair hanging down her back? I don’t think she realizes that she looks like a club whore, all the men are looking at her, sizing her up, wondering which one will bed her first.
I’m not trying to sound mean about my friend, but I warned her what these men were like, and I warned her what would happen if she dressed this way. She wasn’t bothered in the slightest. It’s a game to Denise. She likes that men want her, doesn’t even care what man it is. I don’t care whom she sleeps with I just don’t want it to be Stryker.
Denise isn’t to know that I like him, I haven’t told her any such thing. So in truth, she isn’t stepping on my toes here, she’s going for what she wants. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to tell her that I want him for myself, but I kept my mouth shut, so I have no right to complain.
“He’s so hot. God, he’s looking at me!” She turns to me, adjusting her skirt. “Do I look okay?”
“You look fine,” I tell her before sipping my vodka.
How do I tell her that I don’t want her chasing him?
I don’t want her to sleep with him?
I can’t. It’s not my place. He’s not mine. However, the thought of her touching him makes me feel sick. Literally.
“My heart is beating so fast my legs are shaking. I don’t think I’ll be home tonight, so don’t wait up!”
And... she’s gone, following Stryker to the other side of the room. I need to get out of here. I could grab one of the other guys and sleep with them if I was that kind of girl. I’m not, so I won’t.
I’m done here for tonight. I should never have come. I should have told Jett I couldn’t make it, but I thought it might be fun to catch up with everyone properly. I brought Denise because she begged me. She’s always wanted to see inside the Snakes Henchmen clubhouse. Not many people from the outside get to do so.
When I asked Jett if I could bring her, he wasn’t too keen. Not to sound mean, but he’s never really liked her much. He told me she could come as long as she behaved herself, and I can’t say Denise hasn’t, she’s been on her best behavior all evening. Now she’s off with the man I can’t stop thinking about, and I feel sick. I’m pathetic longing for a man who doesn’t even know I exist. So, I’m going to go back to Denise’s, take a long hot bath, and then crawl into bed and sleep.
“Leaving so soon?” I nod. “Stay and party with me.”
I know what he means by that. He’s got no chance. Ice is not my type. Sure, he’s tall, handsome in an I’ve been slashed and shot one too many times kind of way, but he doesn’t do it for me. Not at all.
“No, thank you.”
He shouts something after me as I walk away, but I don’t answer him, I have nothing to say.
“Hey, baby girl,” I turn and smile at CueBall as he takes my arm gently. CueBall was once a huge man, with an even bigger fist. He’s not the best looking man in the world, and he plenty of scars to prove how many battles he’s been in during his time with the Snakes. He shoots first then asks questions. That’s what people used to say about him. However, he’s such a kind man when it comes to the women of this club. I’m not a claimed woman, but Shepard has made it clear I always have, and will always be one of them. “You okay? Did someone upset you? You tell me, and I'll kick the shit out of ‘em.”
I smile at him. I’m not sure of CueBall’s actual age, but he has to be in his sixties, and he’s still as strong as an Ox. He’s taken good care of himself over the years, and it shows even now. When he says he’ll kick the shit out of someone, he means it. “No,” I smile again and lay my hand over his. “No one upset me. I’m just not feeling it tonight. I have a bit of a headache.”
“Want me to give you a ride home, sweet girl?”
All of these huge, dangerous men and they all treat me as someone important to them. Shepard, BlackJack, CueBall they treat me like a daughter. Roman, Red, Gunner, Doc, and some of the others, they treat me like a niece. Jett, Tank, Hammer, Badger, Cyro, and all the others under the age of thirty treat me like a sister. I never had a brother, not one that shared the same blood, but I have many here, and I love them all. Even the ones I only met this week. So many new faces, so many names for me to get used to.
I wrap my arms around CueBall’s back, shocking him for a second before he hugs me tightly. “Thank you, Uncle Martin,” I feel him chuckle through his chest. Only I would cheekily call him by his given name. “I can make my own way home. I love you.”
“Sweet angel,” He hugs me tighter. “I love you, too.” He kisses my head, and I smile. This man did a lot for my family when I was a little girl. More than most would have.
My father lost his accounting job and was worried about how he’d be able to provide for his family, as all men do. My parents had savings, of course, but with two little girls to take care of and my mother out of work because the bakery she worked at had closed down weeks previous, my father knew those savings wouldn't last long.
A long story short along came CueBall with an offer my father didn’t refuse. CueBall asked my dad if he could take a look over the clubs books to make sure everything was as it should be. CueBall was impressed with what my dad had done, as was Apollo. CueBall then found my dad a position with an accounting firm in Moxton. This man saved my father’s sanity and allowed him to keep his pride. I’ve never forgotten what he did for us.
I kiss CueBall’s cheek and leave. The idea of my friend and the man I desperately want to get to know keeps rolling around in my mind. I hate feeling like this over a man.
I roll my eyes at myself the second I step foot outside the clubhouse. I don’t recall seeing them leave the building, but Denise is standing with Stryker next to his motorcycle. I can’t see his face, his back is toward me, but I can see the sluttish smile on her face, and from that smile, I can tell what they’ll be doing sooner rather than later.
Is it wrong that I hate her right now?
I step into the shadows at the side of the clubhouse. I don’t much fancy walking past them and having to see up close the look on Stryker’s face. I don’t want to know that he wants her.
“Come on,” I hear her whine. I poke my head around the corner. She’s touching his arm. His arms are crossed over his chest. Even in the dark under the street light, I can see how his biceps bulge. God, this is so unfair. “I could show you what you’re missing.”
“I’m not missing anything.” I hear him mumble. He’s not big on talking. Well, so everyone says, and it’s not like I’ve heard him say much since I’ve been back, so they must be right.
Denise slides up to him, her hands on his biceps, a smirk on her face. “I promise you it will be the night of your life.” There’s a seductive air to her tone. She leans closer to him, her lips almost upon his, and I have to pull back. I can’t see this.
I lean my head back against the wall and close my eyes, this sucks!
Yeah, I sound like a petulant child wanting something I can’t have, but that’s life.
They must be kissing because I can no longer hear them talking. That thought makes me clench my teeth to the point my jaw cracks.
I can’t act like this, it’s stupid.
So I like the guy, and he wants my friend, there’s nothing I can do about it, and there will be other guys I’ll feel a connection to, it might not be right now, but one day it will happen. If Stryker wants Denise, then I have to be happy for them.
Of cou
rse, I’m happy for them.
I chuckle to myself. Since when do I get jealous over anything? Especially a man? Never. I have never gotten jealous over a man before. I must be losing my mind. Yeah, that's it, I’m losing my mind a little being back here.
I open my eyes, which widen to see a huge monster of a man in front of me. I open my mouth to scream, his hand clasps over my mouth.
Oh, shit! What the hell is happening? This isn’t supposed to happen to me again!
“You’ve been watching me.”
Bastard! Motherfucking son of a bitch!
I drag his hand away from my mouth. He’s not pressing down, so it’s easy. “How dare you do that to me!?”
Seriously, who the fuck does that? Stalks to the side of a building like a damn stalker, and slaps their hand over a woman’s mouth!
“I didn’t do anything to you.” He laughs while adjusting his cut.
“You slapped your fat hand over my mouth, Ice!”
He shrugs with a smirk on his face. Don’t get me wrong I’ve never wished anyone any ill will, not even my daughter’s father, but I wouldn’t mind slapping this idiot upside the head a few times. Doesn’t he understand that you can’t creep up on people like that?
“Why on this earth would you think I’ve been watching you? I didn’t even know you were out here.”
“I’m the only one out here, Coral. I saw you spying around the corner.”
“I was watching Denise and Stryker.”
“You really do have a wide on for him, don’t you?”
“A what?” What the fuck is a wide on? Am I dumb? Is that a thing?
“A wide on. You know, like, a hard-on but for women.” That is disgusting! But what can I expect from a foul-mouthed biker?
“I do not have one of them over anyone, thank you very much.”