So the department store will do to pay the bills. There’s no way I could continue to stay with Denise without paying my way. My parents aren’t happy that I’ve got a job here, they thought I’d be home by now. But being back here, I don’t know, I don’t want to leave yet. I hope I’ve helped them understand why I needed a job, even if my dad did tell me he’d send me money to live on for a couple of months, as long as I don’t here any longer than that. I told him no because I’m not sure I want to go back to California. Bardsville is home, no matter how long I may have been away, here is where I feel like I can be myself. After all the bad things that happened to me here, and here is where my heart lies. He wasn’t pleased, but this is my life.
But back to Friday night. I’m not doing anything special. I’m staying in with some friends. Denise is cooking, and Ruth is bringing the drinks. Girl’s night, you just can’t beat it.
“You’re seriously making pizza? We could’ve just ordered it.”
“Baking your own is more fun.” Denise winks in my direction without actually looking at me.
I don’t see why she felt the need to dress up for a night in, standing there in a short red dress, her breasts so high up thanks to her push-up bra that they look fake. She’s even wearing four-inch heels and more makeup than is necessary for a night out on the town, let alone a night at home.
I look down at myself. I’m wearing pajamas, pink shorts, and a white tank, my blonde hair is tied in a messy bun atop my head, and there’s not a scrap of makeup on my face.
What the hell am I missing?
Denise doesn’t usually dress like this for our nights in.
Okay, I’ve only been home a month, but our Friday nights usually consist of us lounging in our PJ’s, eating, drinking, and talking about anything and nothing.
“Are you going somewhere?”
She turns to look at me with a smirk on her face. “I have a hot date with a very hot man.”
“What man?” I didn’t even know she'd met anyone. She’s not mentioned it before.
She places the pepperoni pizza in the warm oven and closes the door before taking off her apron and turning to look at me. She fiddles with her updo with a smile on her face before speaking. “You remember that guy at the biker bar the other week?”
“The bar was full of bikers, Denny. Could you be more specific?”
“The gorgeous one with the scars. Tall, blonde hair, blue eyes... Ice.” She says dreamily.
“You’re seeing Ice?”
“I am. Have been since the night Stryker turned me down. Why he did that I don’t know.” She says that like she can’t believe a man would say no to her.
Don’t get me wrong, she’s beautiful in every way, but not every man on the planet will find her sexually attractive. No one finds everyone sexually attractive. If that were the case, the world would be very dull. Variety is the spice of life and all that.
“I’m glad he turned me down,” She smiles. “Him turning me down brought me Ice.” She sighs dreamily.
I have to wonder if she knows what she’s getting herself into with Ice. Bikers are dangerous men. They kill and maim for a living. It’s life to them. Denise might act tough, but I very much doubt she could handle the hell that comes with being with a man like him.
What the hell am I talking about?
She has every right to be with Ice.
She’ll learn fast enough what it means to be with him. For all I know, it’s just sex between them, and it’s not like I wouldn’t drop everything to be with Stryker if he asked it of me.
God, I’m pathetic.
I can’t believe I’m this churned up over a man who doesn’t want me. A man who confuses me every damn day. There is definitely something between us, but his loyalty to Shepard always wins out over his want to be near me.
I hate this, I really do. The more Stryker denies me, the more I want him, and the feelings inside of me for him grow stronger every day.
It’s not supposed to be like this. I’m not supposed to be falling for a biker who won’t even look at me, and he won’t, no matter how much I stand and stare holes into the side of his head.
I hang around the damn clubhouse so that I can be near him. I sit in the chairs he’s sat in before me so that I can feel closer to him. How pathetic is that?
But the truth is, I’m falling hard for him, and I don’t know how to stop it. It’s not right. I shouldn’t be falling for him at all. I don’t even know the man very well, and I know I have to forget him somehow. Not that that will be easy, but I will stop making trips to the clubhouse to see him. I will get on with my life because that’s what I’m good at.
Coral Harmon is a free agent, even if her heart isn’t. I’m going to live my life the way I promised my baby girl that I would, so that one day when she finds me, I can be the mother she deserves. I’m going to get that job in a big office, and I’m going to work my way up to the top. I won’t stop until I am whom I set out to be.
I don’t need Stryker. Fuck him. He can brood his way through every damn whore on the planet for all I care. I’m worth more than some dirty biker. Boy, am I worth so much more.
“I plan on having some much-needed fun with my new man tonight. Don’t wait up for me, chica!”
“I won’t,” I mumble to myself as she slips on her coat.
It isn’t long before Denise is skipping out the door as Ruth enters it. She isn’t happy that Denise is out on a date with a biker. Ruth has strong views on women dating criminals. She doesn’t understand that under it all they have hearts just like the rest of us.
“At least she cooks a mean pizza. But why the hell she cooked when we could’ve ordered is beyond me.”
“That’s what I said.” I tuck my feet under my ass. This couch is so comfortable that I’m fighting to stay awake.
It has nothing to do with the company I’m in, Ruth is amazing, but all she ever wants to talk about is her boyfriend. I have nothing against Charlie, but he’s not all that. He’s the complete opposite to Ruth. Ruth is beautiful, classically so with her dark hair, slim figure, long legs, and blue eyes
. Charlie is short, chubby, looks like he belongs behind a computer screen. Plus, he’s twelve years older than Ruth, but whatever, he’s her choice. She loves him, and that’s all that counts.
However, hearing about him constantly can drive a person insane. There has to be more to life than listening to how wonderful he is, how romantic he is, how sensitive he is.
“Let’s go for a walk.”
“But it’s late, and we're in PJ’s!”
I roll my eyes at her. She's so dramatic. “Come on. It’ll do us good.”
“Fine, but just for five minutes.”
“Okay.” I chuckle.
The air is crisp out here. I breathe it in with my eyes closed and a smile on my face, my arm looped with Ruth’s. “I missed you while you were gone, you know?”
I look at Ruth and smile. “Missed you too, Ruthy.”
I missed all my friends when my parents took me away. One day I was here, the next, I was gone without any explanation to anyone. Still, to this day, none of my friends know what happened to me that horrible day when I was twelve.
Shepard made sure to keep it all secret, to cover it all up, even the men in his club don't know what happened that day.
As I said, just a handful know. Only a handful was there. Saddens me that Tank and Jett now know what happened. I don't know how they know, but I saw it in their eyes when I looked at them. Neither of them said anything to me about it, neither of them ever will. For that, I’m thankful.
“What was it like living in LA?”
“It was different,” I tell her with a shrug. “The life is more fast-paced. I don’t know, Ruth, I just got on with things. After a couple of months, I realized we weren’t coming back here. I had to make things work.”
“What made you decide to come back now?”
Good question.
We walk closer to the row of takeout shops along Heleton Street. Hadn’t realized we'd walked this far. Okay, not that far, but it doesn’t register how far you’ve gone when you’re walking and talking with a good friend.