I don’t know who, but someone, possibly Taylor with her nurse training, cleaned my sister up enough for me to see her. I didn’t cry when I looked at her and saw how cold and pale she was.
I didn’t cry when I noticed her neck was covered with a small white towel so no one could see the cut across her throat.
I didn’t cry when I leaned down and kissed her head, pressing my forehead against hers just for a moment.
I didn’t cry when I told her how much I loved her and how I always would.
I didn’t cry when Stryker took me from the room, leaving Hammer in there alone with Cindy. I don’t know what he was going through at that moment, but we all heard his sobs. Almost everyone shed a tear that day, a room full of big bad bikers and their old ladies crying for the loss of my sister. She was loved so well, and I know in my heart she knew it.
Not one person ever had a bad word to say about her. She was always smiling, always in a good mood, always there to help anyone who needed it. Even the kids of the club loved her. She was someone within the Snakes Henchmen.
The coroner came and took Cindy’s body, but it wasn’t easy when Hammer wouldn’t let her go. The man was in so much pain and shock, and he threatened to kill anyone who went near her, not even Tank could calm him. In the end, it took Willow to talk him down. She’d already been in to see Cindy and kiss her goodbye. She held Hammer in her arms as he sobbed, while they both did as they watched those men cover Cindy’s body and take her away.
We had no choice but to do things the right way. I wouldn’t allow the Snakes to cover up what had happened to my sister. She deserved better than that. No one questioned me when I called the cops. No one said anything when I spoke to them and told them what I knew. Shepard said nothing, he just watched me and let me get on with it. I know he hates having cops at the clubhouse, but I didn’t give him a choice.
However, that got me nowhere, did it? There was nothing the police could do, Cindy was gone. They promised to look for those who did what they did, but we all knew they’d never find those men, even with the camera footage. There was nothing in that footage to say who or where they were, all that could be seen was darkness around the biker and Cindy. They weren’t stupid they made sure no one would know who they were, we couldn’t even see his face.
He’d made sure the Snakes knew which club he belonged to, that they wanted Hammer to suffer. But like the cop said, without evidence, anyone could have been behind it and using the other clubs name to hide who they were. They could have had a vendetta towards both clubs, and killing Cindy would have been the perfect way to start a war between them.
In other words, no one would ever pay for my sister’s death because the police didn’t give a damn. All she was to them was a biker’s old lady who deserved what she got. Anything the cops could do to make the Snakes suffer, they’d do it. Shepard has an understanding with the Sheriff. He stays out of what’s coming for those who killed my sister, Shepard will owe him a big favor.
I also had the awful task of calling my parents and telling them what happened. Their screams of pain will forever haunt me.
They arrived the next morning, they held me and cried. I couldn’t cry, I held it in and held them together. We argued about where Cindy’s funeral would be held. Hammer wanted it here, but they wanted it in California. As Cindy and Hammer weren’t married, he had no say in the matter.
I talked them into allowing the funeral to go ahead here, this is where Cindy would have wanted to be, but they made sure I knew they’d be taking her ashes back to California, no matter what I said.
My parents blamed Hammer for what happened. They made damn sure everyone around us knew they did. Right there outside the church in which Cindy’s funeral was held, they yelled how much they hated him and how they wished Cindy had never met him. They didn’t care how much it was hurting him; they only cared about making sure he knew they would never forgive him for what they believed happened because of him.
However, I made my parents see that Cindy wouldn’t want them to treat the man she loved that way. They were hurting, lashing out because they couldn’t deal with their pain, but Hammer was in just as much pain. They had to know how much he loved Cindy. Anyone who ever saw them together knew it. That giant of a man was so gentle with my sister. He wasn’t afraid to kiss her or touch her cheek softly in front of people. He wasn’t ashamed to tell her how much he loved her, no matter who could hear him. She brought out the best in him, everyone said so.
My parents backed off him, only to round on Stryker and tell him how they were taking me home with them. Stryker said nothing, just wrapped his arm around me as I told them how I wouldn’t be leaving my husband, that I needed him now more than ever. That’s when they said that if I chose my husband, they wanted nothing more to do with me. I told them fine and walked away.
I still haven’t cried yet over what happened to Cindy. I don’t understand why it won’t come. I’ve tried to force it out of me, this pain and sadness, but it wouldn’t come. Even the anger won't come. I just go day by day in a daze, doing what I can to help those around me the best way I know how.
I want nothing more than to help Hammer through this. A month after Cindy’s murder and he’s not getting any better. He’s broken and won’t allow anyone near him except for Willow. I think the only reason Hammer can have her near him is because of how close she and Cindy were. However, it’s sad that he can’t even have Tank near him, that man is so worried about his big brother.
Today, my feet took me to the apartment Hammer and Cindy shared. I hadn’t intended to go there I was supposed to be meeting Stryker at the clubhouse. We’re all being followed, the women, I mean. The men won’t let us go out alone until those who killed Cindy are found and dealt with. Right now, I can’t see it happening any time soon.
Jacob, a prospect, followed me all the way to Hammer’s apartment. I had the key Cindy gave me when they first moved into the place in my pocket. I took it out without thinking about it and unlocked the door. The place was clean and smelled fresh, which meant Willow had been by and cleaned again.
I didn’t want to look around the place. I didn’t need to I saw Cindy everywhere I looked, the second I was through the door. The pale yellow walls of the hallway were all her, her favorite color. The pictures on the walls of her and Hammer, the two of us together, even a picture of us with mom and dad, Cindy with Willow, and Hammer with Tank and their parents, all showed how badly she wanted this place to be their permanent home.
I knew my sister would never become a mother. She made that very clear when we were kids ourselves. She made it clear to Hammer also. However, I had hoped that one day, I would have a child, and she’d be there to teach my child things. She would have been a wonderful aunt.
I found Hammer on the couch in their living room of light green. He was wearing gray sweats and a white wife beater, barefoot, his long hair hanging all over the place, a framed photo of Cindy in his hand. I could see what it was the second I looked at it, a beautiful picture of her smiling. Hammer was staring off into space. My heart broke for him at that moment. Nothing would ever be the same for him again, for any of us.
“Hammer?” I said his name quietly.
He slowly turned to look at me and said, “Cindy?” There was such hope in his voice. I hated to break the illusion, but I couldn’t allow him to think Cindy had come back for him.
“No, sweetheart,” I made my way over to him and sat beside him on the couch. He kept his eyes on me, they were bloodshot, like he hadn’t been to sleep since it happened, and for all I know, maybe he hadn't. “It’s Coral. I came to check on you.”
“Why are you here? You shouldn’t care about me, Coral, I’m not worth it. Your sister is dead because of me.”
I took his hand in mine and entwined our fingers, and I held on tight. He wasn’t to blame for what happened. No one blamed him but my parents and himself. There are those who would say that it would be okay for me to blame him, that him claiming my
sister was precisely what led to her death.
It’s true; if he hadn’t claimed her, she wouldn’t be dead, but nothing would have stopped Cindy from coming here when she did. Nothing would have prevented her noticing Hammer the same way she had at my wedding, and nothing would have stopped her from doing whatever it took to be with the man she loved from the moment she set eyes on him. So in truth, this would have happened anyway.
I know in my heart that Cindy doesn't blame Hammer for what happened. They had a love so honest and pure, and it’s so sad that she was taken away from him too soon, but I know she’s watching us all from her place in heaven, and she wants all of us to help the man she loved to move on.
“Cindy didn’t die because of you, Hammer,” I held his hand to my chest. I felt his pain, and it was bringing mine to the surface. However, I fought mine, pushed it back down because Hammer needed me right then. “It could have been any one of us that was taken, any one of you that was targeted. I know you’re hurting in the worst way right now, but you and I both know that Cindy wouldn’t want this. She wouldn’t want you blaming yourself for what happened to her. I’m not saying you should be totally fine already, and there’s no way anyone would expect you to be. But you can’t wallow forever, Hammer. She’d want you to live.”
“But how am I meant to live without her?” He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, trying to hide his tears from me.
“You don’t have a choice, Sam,” He looked at me, and I saw even more pain in his eyes, only Cindy called him by his given name. “You have to learn to move forward. It won’t be easy, I know that, but Cindy wouldn’t want this for you. I know how much you're hurting, I feel it too. I’ve lost my only sister, and I don’t myself know how anything will ever be the same again, but we’ll live, Hammer,”
He looked me dead in the eye. “It won’t hurt forever, I promise.” I reached up and stroked his cheek, his beard because he hadn’t shaved since Cindy was killed, tickled my fingertips. “One day, you’ll wake up, and it won’t hurt to breathe.”
“Why don’t you blame me, Coral? How can you be sitting here talking to me like this?”
“Because I know in my heart that it wasn’t your fault, Hammer. My parents know that too deep down, but they’re hurt, and they lashed out at you because you were the man loving their daughter. They lashed out at me too, but they’ll come around once their pain subsides. Don’t let this destroy you. Don’t let it eat away at you until there is nothing left of you. You might want to die right now, or you might not, but Tank needs you. Don’t push him away, don’t leave him to wonder why you left him the same way you’re wondering about Cindy. Your little brother just wants to help you.”