Open shock reflected on his face. “You do?”
I pursed my lips. “Am I that much of a heartless bitch that it seems impossible that I would want our baby?”
Matteo smiled teasingly and the knot in my stomach loosened. “I wouldn’t put it quite like that.”
I punched his abs. He groaned then grinned and moved his palm over my belly. His cheek was starting to swell, making his smile look grotesque. “It’s kicking again.”
“Peanut.”
Matteo’s brows snapped together.
“That’s what I’ve been calling it for a few weeks now because I didn’t want to think of the baby as “it” anymore.”
“Peanut,” Matteo said with a small smile. “So we’re doing this? Becoming parents?”
I leaned against him, for once not minding that my belly got in the way. “It seems so.”
“Good.”
“Good,” I whispered, then I sighed. “I’m scared.”
Matteo cupped my face. “I’m at your side. I’ll protect you and the baby.”
“I know but what if I’m a horrible mother? I never wanted kids, and at first, I didn’t even want this baby. Hell, I still don’t want most of the things expected of a mother. I don’t want to lose myself completely, or stop caring about how I look. What if I can’t be a good mother? What if I don’t love it enough? Or what if it knows somehow that I didn’t want it at first?”
“We will both love the baby. And we will be good parents. Maybe we won’t ever win a parents of the year award but we’ll do our best and that’s all that matters.”
“We cuss too much and we’re both too temperamental.”
“We are. And the kid will know the best cuss words in kindergarten, so who gives a fuck?”
“The teachers might,” I said with a laugh.
“Then they can come to me and talk to me about their concerns,” Matteo said with his shark-grin.
“Intimidating teachers… we definitely won’t be voted parents of the year.”
“I knew being in the mob would be useful one day.”
I rolled my eyes. “In addition to the assload of money you make, and the sick thrill you get when people shit their pants because of who you are.”
“In addition to that, yes,” Matteo said with a wink. “Not to mention all the fun torture I get to take part in.”
I sighed deeply. “You are a crazy fucker.” I kissed him softly. “But you are my crazy fucker and I love you.”
“And I love you, my bitchy redhead.”
I narrowed my eyes slightly but then I decided that he had every right to call me bitch. I was a bitch. He was a crazy fucker. So what?MatteoA heavy weight had lifted off my chest since we decided to keep the baby. Of course, our last minute change of mind meant a lot of organizing. We hadn’t bought anything for the kid yet, and hadn’t read up on anything about raising a newborn.
Gianna knew enough about the birth process, due to necessity, but that was it. The only thing I knew was that these little creatures produced more poo, pee, and snot than a body of that size should.
“You can have all of the things we bought. We won’t need them anytime soon,” Aria said when she led me into the nursery in their mansion in New York. Everything was ready for a child. The walls were decorated with images of giraffes and lions, and a plush lion head carpet spread out under the crib.
Gianna had run off to the bathroom to pee again so it was only me and Aria. Her bladder was pretty much only a funnel. What entered her mouth wanted out not long after.
Aria motioned at the baby crib. “You’ll need all these things.”
I moved to her side. “Are you sure? You and Luca want a third poo machine.”
Aria set the crib mobile, also featuring jungle animals, in motion. “We do, but we can buy new stuff then, or just take whatever you won’t need by then.” The wistfulness in her voice sent an unpleasant twinge through my chest.
“Aria,” I said quietly, causing her to look up at me. “I never said it to you, but I’ll forever be grateful for what you and Luca would have done for us, what you did for us. We had difficult times but you are the best sister-in-law I can imagine, and the best wife my brother could ever dream of.”
Aria touched my forearm with a small smile. “We’re family. We’ll stick together till the bitter end. Luca and I will always be there for you. If you need help with the little one, you can call us any time.”
I nodded, because I had no doubt about it. “Luca’s been pissy lately, and I just want to make sure you know Gianna and I are sorry for taking so long to make up our minds.”
Aria shook her head. “Don’t be. I’m glad you chose to keep your baby. It won’t always be easy and there might be moments of regret, but ultimately you’ll see it’s the right decision.”