Lily touched my hand, tugging me down beside her. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. Mom guilt is the worst feeling in the world. I’m just being very clingy to the point where even Romero is hardly allowed to hold Flavio. My hormones are really bad this time.”
“I guess it was love at first sight for you?”
Lily pursed her lips, stroking Flavio’s dark hair. “No, it wasn’t. Not with Sara and not with Flavio either. It’s… I don’t know. Responsibility and protectiveness at first but in the days after birth, as we’re getting to know each other, it grows quickly to love.”
Matteo finally entered the living room with Isabella in her carrier. He set her down on the floor next to me and bent over Flavio. “Looks like Romero.”
Lily grinned. “He does.”
Sara ran into the room and climbed up beside Lily, leaning her head against her arm to peer at her brother.
“Romero and I want to take a look at his old Chevy,” Matteo said as a way of goodbye before he disappeared from view.
“He bought a classic car that he wants to restore,” Lily said with a shrug before she turned to Sara who was tugging at her hand. “Can we play?”
Lily bit her lip. “Not now, Sara. Your brother is sleeping. But later Mommy will make some time.”
“Okay,” Sara said, pouting.
“Why don’t you grab a book that I can read to you?” I asked.
Sara’s face lit up and she darted away, probably to her room.
“That’s my number one mom guilt point right now,” Lily admitted. “Sara wants even more attention than before but I don’t have as much time.”
“I’d have never thought you’d suffer from mom guilt at all. You seem like the perfect mother.”
Lily gave me a disbelieving look. “I doubt there’s a perfect mother.”
Isabella began to squirm and her eyes fluttered open, soon followed by the first mewls and hesitant cries. I picked her up, pressed her against my chest and kissed her temple. She smelled so impossibly good, even though I couldn’t even define the scent.
“What’s up, Isa? Hungry again?”
She peered up at me. Her eyes were still that strange murky blue and I wondered if they’d darken or turn lighter. I grabbed her small blanket, draped it over me and started nursing her. At night Matteo and I both fed her. Luckily she took both the bottle and my breast, making our life so much easier.
When I looked up, Lily was smiling emotionally, her eyes glistening.
“Don’t tell me seeing me as a milk source makes you want to cry?” I asked with a soft laugh.
Lily shrugged. “It does. I never thought you and I would ever sit on a sofa with our babies together.”
“Me neither, trust me. This wasn’t part of the plan.”
“But you’re happy?”
I listened to Isa’s smacking, trying to determine my feelings. “I’m not unhappy. I love her and would never give her away. She’s mine, but it’s not my dream life. I miss working out, I miss working, and drinking a glass of wine and dancing and… sex.”
Lily laughed. “Sex is the farthest thing on my mind right now.”
“Well, it’s not like I’m close to being in the mood right now. I’d probably strangle Matteo if he made a move right now, but still.”
“Life changes with kids, but you’ll discover new things, and raising a baby doesn’t mean you won’t still have time to do the things you love. It just requires more planning. Give it time.”
Give it time was advice Aria had given me repeatedly. Unfortunately, I wasn’t the most patient person but since becoming pregnant I’d learned patience.
Lily watched me nurse Isa for a while before saying, “I really love seeing you like this.”
I gave Lily a tired smile. “Don’t get used to it. After Isa, we’ll make sure there won’t be another one.”
Lily laughed. “I wouldn’t mind four or five of these little ones.”
My eyes grew wide. “Good luck with that.”Matteo“So, how do you feel as a first-time dad?” Romero asked me as he led me into the garage.
I let out a low whistle when I spotted his new car, an ancient Chevrolet that would need plenty of attention before it could grace the road with its presence.
“I don’t really feel different, just like old Matteo with more responsibility.”
Romero chuckled. “Holding your child for the first time and realizing you’re responsible for their upbringing makes you grow up in seconds.”
“You were always the responsible type. And I don’t really feel any more grown-up or sensible than before.”
Romero opened the car, showing me the barren inside. No seats or steering wheel.
“I hope you got this as a gift.” I’d never been a fan of vintage cars. I loved to have the newest gimmicks.
“This is a rare piece. I would have paid double just to get my hands on it.”