Lucy managed to push herself up so that she could turn around. The daylight streaming in through the window burned her eyes as she tried to focus on Daniel. “What kind of party?”
“A yacht party.” He shrugged. “My dad just bought a new one, so I thought I’d christen it.”
“And it’s tonight?” Lucy asked. Her body was aching, but she was sure that she could recover before the evening.
“Yeah—you’re not feeling too rough for it, are you?”
Lucy glared at him. “I’ll be fine.” She sat up and the sheets fell back off of her. She thought about pulling them back up, but he’d already seen what she had to show. There wasn’t much point in trying to hide it. She felt Daniel’s eyes go down to her chest.
“Cool.” He stood up without taking his eyes away from her. “It should be a good night.” He walked over to the door and Lucy thought he was going to leave. He didn’t, though. He stopped at the door and turned back to her. “Can I ask you something?”
“What’s up?” Lucy asked. She got out of bed and walked over to the mirror hanging from her wardrobe. She looked rough. Her hair was a mess and her normally bright skin looked dull and dry.
“Why did you agree to go out with my brother?”
“He asked me.” Lucy shrugged without sensing the importance behind his question.
“Right.” Daniel didn’t look satisfied. “But, he bores you. I can see it when you’re talking to each other. So, why did you bother? Did you go with him because you knew it would get to me?”
Lucy laughed at his arrogance. “You really do think highly of yourself.”
“You’re not telling me I’m wrong.” His eyes met hers. Lucy could feel her throat getting tight as his eyes dipped past her own and into her. What was he looking for? What did he want to know?
“You’re wrong,” Lucy said quickly and blandly. He was wrong, she told herself. She was spending time with Josh because he would keep her out of trouble. She needed that. She needed to stay out of trouble, because when her secret came out, and it did have to come out at some point, she needed her mom and stepfather to believe that she’d changed.
“If I’m wrong, tell me why you’re hanging out with him,” Daniel pushed.
Lucy stared at him through the mirror. Her head was hurting too much. She was getting annoyed at Daniel for making her stressed. “Your brother is a good guy.” She shrugged.
“That’s not what you want, though.” Daniel’s eyes lingered on her ass as they took in her delicate curves.
“You don’t know what I want.” She turned to him so that the mirror wasn’t carrying her glare back to him. “You don’t know anything about me.”
“I know enough.”
“Is that so?” Lucy challenged him.
“Lucy,” Daniel sighed. “You can pretend to be whatever you want, but we both know what you really are.”
“And what am I?”
“You’re just like me. You live because you know at some point you’re going to die. You take chances. You look for the awesome stuff in life because you know how easy it is to miss. I don’t know why you’re pretending you’re not that girl. I don’t know why you’re pretending to be boring and serious, but it doesn’t suit you.”
“If all of that is true…” Lucy took a breath. Daniel’s words had knocked the air out of her and she was struggling to get it back. “Then why are you inviting me to your party?”
He shrugged. He looked agitated. Lucy could see his leg jiggling, so that he didn’t have to remain still in the spot that he was standing. “I guess I’m just hoping you come as yourself and not this girl you keep pretending to be.”
Lucy opened her mouth to reply, but he was already walking out the door, so she closed it again. He wasn’t being fair. He didn’t know. He didn’t know what had happened. He didn’t know what she did.
********
Chapter 6
Lucy wanted to go to the party. She’d been good for three days. She’d stayed by the pool, she’d gone to look at boring museums, and she’d hiked until her legs had rubbed themselves raw. It was time for her to have some fun. It was time for her to do something that she wanted to do. She knew, though, that she needed an anchor. She needed someone she could rely on to stop her from doing anything stupid. She wanted to have fun, she was dying to have fun, but she knew that too much fun could be the final strike that would send her world crashing down.
That’s why she was standing outside of Josh’s door. That’s why she’d lifted her hand to the door and dropped it at least ten times. She knew she needed him. She knew that Josh would make the perfect anchor for her. It was just that the thought of inviting him sent dread-filled shivers down her spine. She brought her hand up again and forced herself to knock.
“What’s up?” Josh asked when he’d opened his door.
“Um.” Lucy looked over his shoulder at the perfect room behind him. It was odd. There wasn’t a single thing out of place. There wasn’t a single dirty sock on the floor. It looked like a showroom. It looked like it had never had a human walk through it. “Daniel is throwing a party tonight…”
Josh cut her off. “Yeah, I’ve heard.” He didn’t look impressed. In fact, he looked like he disapproved.
“Right, well, I was thinking you might want to go with me?”
“You’re going?” He looked at her in surprise.
“I was thinking about it, yeah.”
“You know, Daniel’s parties aren’t like normal parties,” Josh said with concern. “It’s not just a few friends getting together and having a drink.” He was trying to talk her out of going. Lucy knew that, but he was doing the opposite. Everything that he said was only making her want to go more. “I’ll go with you if you really want to,” he gave her a reluctant look, “but I really don’t want to.”
“I think I should probably go,” Lucy reasoned with him. “I mean, I don’t want to insult Daniel. He did invite me. It would be rude not to go.”
“Trust me.” Josh looked relieved. “If that’s the only reason you’re going, then don’t. He won’t eve
n notice that you’re not there. There’s going to be hundreds of people all throwing themselves at him for his attention. You’ll be just another fish in the ocean.”
Lucy frowned. That wasn’t the impression that Daniel had given her earlier. He’d seemed like he really wanted her to go. She shrugged. “I’m going to go,” she said firmly, so Josh knew that it would be pointless trying to talk her out of it. “I’d like it if you came with me, but it’s cool if you don’t want to. I get that it’s probably not your scene.”
Josh sighed. “I’ll go with you,” he said as though he was about to perform some great feat. “What time does it start?”
“I don’t know. When it gets dark, probably?” Lucy shrugged. She hadn’t thought to ask about when the party was starting. She’d been to a hundred parties and she’d never asked about the starting time. She’d just shown up when she’d wanted to.
“Okay, I’ll come and get you later then.”
“Cool.” Lucy smiled brightly. “It should be a good night.”
Josh shook his head in disappointment. “Well, it’ll be an experience.”
*
The door to Lucy’s room closed behind her. The party that night had filled her with a fresh enthusiasm for life. She bounced over to her wardrobe and looked through her clothes. They were all outdated. There was nothing but the clothes she’d deemed not good enough to take with her to college. She sighed and considered going shopping. What? Was that really what she was thinking about?
Images of her last night at college flashed through her mind. She could feel her throat burning like there was salt in the air. Her lungs were getting tight. The memories were flashing back with such potency that she could feel everything happening around her. How could she block it out? How could she be pretending that it hadn’t happened? How could she go on with her life, when others hadn’t been so lucky?
A hot stream of tears started to flow from her eyes. She wasn’t crying. Her chest wasn’t sobbing. She was holding that back. It was just her eyes. They were showing the pain that was crushing her on the inside and she couldn’t stop them. The only thing she could do was wait for the storm to pass, so the stream could dry up and she could move on. It was her burden. It was her secret and when it finally came out, it wouldn’t change the fact that she would have to live with it for the rest of her life.