Best of 2017

“You’ve been exploring.” He didn’t phrase it like a question nor an accusation.

I smoothed my hands over my dress and nodded. My body hummed with awareness, his close proximity, the things he’d done to me…made me do to him ringing through my very cells. “Yes,” I finally said. It was then I saw the dark security camera placed in the center of the room. No doubt there was one in every room, every hallway. “You’ve been watching me?”

He didn’t speak for long seconds, didn’t answer me, didn’t confirm what I asked. “Yes. I watch everything that happens here.” He pushed away from the door frame, holding his hand out for me to take.

For some reason I didn’t hesitate in slipping mine in his much bigger palm.

He led us out of the room, back through the many hallways, down a set of stairs, and finally into what I assumed was his office. I didn’t ask what he was doing, why he’d brought me here. I assumed it had something to do with sex. That’s why I was here, right?

He let go of my hand, went over to his desk, and pushed a button. Like some strange spy movie, some action flick that played out before me, a part of the wall behind his desk opened up to show rows upon rows of screens. Every part of the house was showcased before me, the screen flickering to different areas, inside and outside, bedrooms and the kitchen. I found myself moving closer, looking at the screens, seeing a few staff in the kitchen cleaning up from breakfast. I didn’t know how long I stood there, but I watched each screen, staring at each image, and wondering what Cameron thought about when he saw me.

I felt his heat right behind me, his huge body making me feel like I could fall backward and he’d be there, catching me, holding me close. It was insane, demented, but I didn’t want to push that feeling away. I wanted to embrace it.

He put his hands on my shoulders, slid them down my arms, and stopped at my hips. His fingers dug into my flesh, hard enough I felt the pain, the sting of his possession. And when Cameron pulled me back against him, the stiff length of his erection had this flush stealing over me.

“I’ve watched you on these screens, wondering what you thought about, what you imagined would happen here.” He ground himself against me, my body reacting instantly. I warmed, became wet, soft. “I thought about all the things I could do to you, what I wanted you to do to me, how I wanted you to submit to me like no other.”

I closed my eyes, the rotating of his hips, the way he whispered the words against my ears…all of it made me ready for him, had me pushing away the fact I shouldn’t be enjoying it.

“Who are you?” I whispered, not sure why I asked, not sure what this meant or what he’d think. He stopped grinding on me, turned me around gently, and cupped my throat. His hold was loose but there, telling me, showing me that he had the power.

“Who do you think I am?” He didn’t ask it in a condescending manner, wasn’t taunting me, teasing me. I had a feeling he really wanted to know what I thought.

I stared into his dark eyes, remembering all the things he’d told me about himself.

Drug lord.

Criminal.

Killer.

I wanted to know who he was. I wanted to know the type of man he was before he became this way. But asking him that seemed almost like I’d be crossing a line, something I wasn’t prepared to do, not yet, maybe not ever. But the longer he stared at me, looking into my eyes, the more I felt myself wanting to ask, wanting to push him. I might not have gone to school in the official sense, didn’t have a degree, couldn’t read people the way he could, but I could see a man with so much power also harbored his own pain.

“I think you’re a man who has seen things he shouldn’t, a boy who is just as damaged, just as broken.” I felt him tighten his hand on my throat, just marginally, but his expression still stayed neutral. “I think you built up a wall around you, put yourself ahead of everyone, because you didn’t have any other choice.” I was grasping for straws here, just throwing this out, thinking a man like Cameron had to have his own weaknesses and that’s why he needed so much power. “I think you need to have control, because once in your life you had none.” He walked me backward until I felt the wall of monitors stop me. “I think that’s why you don’t have anything personal here, no pictures, no memories. You have a wall around your life to block it all out.” His hand was tight, unforgiving on my throat. I couldn’t breathe, but he was exerting his strength on me.

For long moments he did nothing but hold my throat, keeping me pinned to the wall, staring into my eyes. And when he leaned in close, his mouth inches from mine now, I held my breath, unable to control it.

“Careful, pretty girl. You’re moving awfully close to the fire, and if you’re not careful, you’ll get burned alive.”

That, I had no doubt about, but a part of me wanted to get swept up in the flames, consumed by them. I wanted to be the gasoline that ignited it all.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

IT HAD ONLY BEEN days since I’d been here. Well, it had only felt like days, but maybe it had been longer, time meshing together, coming as one.

I was curled up on a bench, the sun setting, the husky pink glow of dusk washing through the window. The book I was reading was one of poetry, sad, longing phrases of love lost, of pain, sorrow. I stared out the window, thinking about the author, how they must have been in a dark place to write these words, to spill them along the pages in dark ink of emotion.

After the encounter in Cameron’s office, he’d left me to “settle myself,” whatever that meant. But I was thankful for this time alone, my thoughts my company, the scenery my comfort.

I set the book down and got up. I wanted to go outside, to get some fresh air. I didn’t care if it was chilly, and if I didn’t have a jacket. I was also shoeless, but I anticipated the feeling of that chill on my soles, and the texture from the ground seeping into me.

After I left the room, I headed down the hall and to the solarium. I hadn’t explored the lower level much, so wasn’t sure where the actual back entrance was. But it didn’t matter in the end, because I’d make it outside regardless. I didn’t see anyone on my way to the solarium and was curious if Cameron would let me explore outside alone. It wasn’t until I pushed open the large glass door that led to the gardens that I stopped when I saw Damien standing just a few short feet away.

No, it seemed Cameron wouldn’t let me roam alone.

I clenched my teeth, that fact more than annoying. I was here of my own free will and had no intentions of leaving. He’d just find me anyway.

“I don’t need a chaperone. I’m not going anywhere. A deal is a deal.” I had no idea why I even said anything to Damien. The man hadn’t said anything to me and always had this look of indifference and danger surrounding him. I didn’t expect him to respond, and when I started walking away, feeling him following at a distance, I figured at least if I had to have someone with me, Damien was as good as it would get. He’d keep his mouth shut and at least make it seem like he wasn’t really there.

After some time I pushed the fact he was behind me out of my head and enjoyed the scenery. There wasn’t much in the growing department as it was early April. But some of the more common bulbs had already begun sprouting, the promise of color and life in the air. I hadn’t come outside to look at what wasn’t here. I wasn’t to be outside to be free, to not have any walls surrounding me, to have the fresh air and sun on my skin. A breeze moved by, chilled, the hint of winter’s past in its touch. I shivered slightly and wrapped my arms around my waist. When I sat on a stone bench, the seat cold, hard, unforgiving, I stared at the woods that surrounded the property. It went on for as far as the eye could see, a natural fence, a blockage of green and brown.

In the corner of my eye I saw Damien off to the side, his huge arms hanging loosely at his side, his focus on me. I turned and looked at him, wondering where this man had come from, who he was. How long had he known Cameron? Did they share the same fucked-up past? I might not know what that past was, but the reaction I’d

gotten from Cameron when I brought it up told me he had his own demons he dealt with.

“I’m really not going anywhere. You can tell him that.” I felt like saying the words, pushing them in further, making him see that I was here because I wanted to be.

Because I wanted to be…

That thought played through my head over and over again, and I realized that although my circumstances were pretty fucked up, being here wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Although I might not have seen the full extent of what Cameron wanted to do to me, so far he hadn’t hurt me, hadn’t made me feel degraded. He’d fed me, provided clothing—even if it did feel wrong at times. It was all so confusing, but I realized I was welcoming it, in some regard at least.

I don’t know how long I sat there in silence, but then again I didn’t expect him to respond, didn’t expect him to grace me with anything. I pushed my hair off my shoulder, the wind like a lost lover’s caress, gentle, cold.

“I’m not here because he thinks you’ll leave.”

I turned and faced Damien, startled that he’d said something.

“I’m here to make sure you’re safe.” He glanced at me, his dark eyes cold, his expression neutral. I didn’t ask what he meant by that, didn’t ask why he’d decided to tell me. Cameron was a dangerous man, I knew that, and I had to assume it was because of that, because he had connections, that he was looking out for me in that regard…because I was his property.

Was he saying I wasn’t safe from Cameron’s enemies, or maybe he was being truthful, telling me that who I should really be afraid of, who I was really in danger from was Cameron.