Best of 2017

Yeah, I could see that. It was deserted, out in the middle of nowhere, and I had to assume if someone needed to use a gun, there would be no one around to hear it.

“You said you’re in trouble.” He didn’t phrase it like a question. I glanced at Damien on instinct, because truthfully I wanted this to be a private conversation between Cameron and me.

“Give us a moment alone, Damien,” Cameron finally said, but he was looking at me again. A second later Damien was out of the car. Cameron lifted an eyebrow, clearly waiting for me to speak.

“I’m not in trouble.” I looked down at my hands. They were in my lap, and I realized I was nervously picking at my shirt. I looked back at him again. “At least not in the way you are probably assuming.”

“I know,” he said, and a part of me wasn’t really shocked he knew that. Cameron pretty much knew everything.

“You knew?” I found myself asking.

The look he gave me was indifferent. “You think I didn’t know what you were doing, where you were, or if you were safe?”

I shifted, feeling the weight of his gaze on me, knowing he could read me with just a look.

“I knew, Sofia.”

I twisted my hands together, swallowing roughly. “I assumed you didn’t care.” This was really not how I’d seen this conversation going. For a second we didn’t speak, but everything seemed so loud, so intense.

“Why didn’t you say good-bye? Why didn’t you see me before I left?” I might as well lay it all out, because that was the whole reason I’d called him. “Did I mean nothing to you?” My voice was whisper soft, my emotions threatening to come forth. I wouldn’t let them though. I wouldn’t let them control me, wouldn’t let Cameron see them. He looked away from me, out the window, and for long seconds stayed like that. I wanted to say something, anything, but my mouth was suddenly dry, and the words didn’t want to form.

“I wanted to see you,” he finally said, breaking that thick silence and making my ears ring with awareness. “But watching you leave was too hard. If I’d been there, seeing you get into that car, I’d have pulled you away and demanded you stay.” He looked at me then. My heart was beating so hard it hurt. “I wanted to keep you as mine, to have you close, care for you. But even a bastard like me knows my world is too toxic for you, Sofia.” Even though his words held so much meaning, he kept his cool composure.

“You saw where I came from, where my life was,” I whispered.

He reached out, and for a second I thought he’d pull me close, say fuck it all, and tell me I was his. Instead he pushed a strand of my hair away, his finger brushing along my cheek, a shiver working its way through my body.

“All the materialistic things are easy to give you, Sofia. It’s the happily ever after I can’t offer.”

I shifted to face him fully. “I don’t want a happily ever after.” I shook my head. “I don’t want the fairy tale.”

“Tell me what it is you want, what I can give you.” He shifted slightly too, his big body facing me now. “Because mayhem and bloodshed rule my world.” He was the one to slowly shake his head now. “As much as I want you chained to my side, only mine, I can’t be a motherfucker and say that’s what’s right for you, safe for you.”

He held my gaze with his own, that focus speaking so loudly. Seconds ticked by, and I wanted to tell him so much more, explain how I felt, what he did to me.

“I want to keep you safe from my world…from me, Sofia.”

I reached out to him, not stopping myself, not able to help myself. “Don’t you see, it’s your world that I want? I need everything and anything that makes up Cameron Ashton. It’s your darkness that calls to me, that makes me feel alive, makes me yearn for more.” I was crying now, and Cameron reached out to smooth his thumb over my cheek, collecting the tear. He brought it to his mouth and sucked the droplet off, focusing on me. Always on me.

“You make me cry because I’m happy.” I finally broke up the silence.

“I don’t think I’ve ever tasted your tears when you’ve been happy,” he said softly. He had, even if he didn’t realize it.

“You make me happy,” I said honestly, not about to deny how I felt anymore. I wasn’t going to lie, wasn’t going to hide. “And being without you and not feeling that passion, darkness…freedom, is not something I want to experience, Cameron.” I braced myself for the rejection, because even if he did want me, he was a strong-willed man. But before I could say something else, maybe repeat how much he meant to me, how much I needed him in my life, he had me pulled onto his lap. His arms were around me, holding me painfully tight.

“You’re not afraid, not terrified of the man I am, the corruption I’ll smother you with?”

I rested my head on his shoulder, hearing his breath move along my ear, smelling the manly scent of him that surrounded me, and wanting nothing more than to stay in this moment forever.

“Would you have come for me?” I didn’t know if I wanted to know the answer.

He stroked my back, running his hands up and down, soothing me, making me feel whole.

“It was hard not making you stay with me, but for once in my life I tried to be the good guy. I tried to let you go free.” He pulled me back and looked into my face. “But honestly, yes, I would have.” He cupped the side of my face, the heat from his body like fire on my skin. “I would have crushed anyone and made a bridge out of their bodies just to get to you.”

My heart stuttered in my chest.

“You’re sure you want this? Because if so I’m really not fucking letting go.”

For the first time in my life I wasn’t afraid of anything. “I’m sure.”

He crushed me to him, and I let that darkness fill me, match my own, grab on to it and not let go.

EPILOGUE

LIFE HAS a funny way of working out, of moving forward when you think it has stopped, stuck in the past. I hadn’t known what life was like, not truly, not fully, until Cameron opened me up, saw inside, let me see who I really was. Maybe I would have found out what I liked, how I wanted to spread my wings and fly, experience life in my own way, sooner or later. Maybe I didn’t need a man who shared the same darkness I did to know I wasn’t broken, wasn’t ruined.

Maybe it took a man who was just as scuffed up as me to know I wasn’t alone.

Even as a year had passed, my life revolving on my terms, on my time, I still felt like that lost girl. And when I saw Cameron, felt his hands on me, heard the words of his possession, of his dark love, then I felt alive. I wasn’t a victim, not unless I made myself one.

Never again.

I sat behind Cameron’s desk at the estate, going over the club paperwork, the finances, the employment history. I was in charge of helping Damien hire on new staff, vetting them out, making sure they could be trusted, even if they’d just be delivering drinks to customers. It was what I wanted to do, be a part of something bigger. It might not be the most prestigious job, a path I saw myself doing, but it allowed me to be near the man I loved, and earn my own money—even if Cameron insisted on taking care of me in all ways.

The sound of the door opening had me glancing up. Damien stood in the doorway, his hands behind him, his body ramrod straight. “He’s here.”

Just then my cell rang, and I picked it up and saw Cameron’s number flash along the screen. As if on instinct my body warmed, became soft, and everything in me was alive with awareness…anticipation.

“You’re ready, baby?”

His deep voice pierced right through me, and I glanced at Damien, feeling my face heat, my body reacting to the sound of Cameron’s voice.

“Yes.” I disconnected the call, stood, and smoothed my hands down the evening gown Cameron had sent to the house for me to wear. I turned and faced the window, seeing the gleam of his black Mercedes coming up the drive, the sun glinting off the exterior, the windows tinted so I wasn’t able to see him.

He was taking me out, and although Cameron never did anything normal, and this wo

uldn’t be a dinner and chick-flick kind of night, he made sure each and every second we spent together was intimate and special. At least that’s how he made me feel.

I left the room when the Mercedes came to a stop. I felt Damien follow behind, his big body always a constant. Over the last year, and honestly well before I was even in this situation, in this relationship with Cameron, Damien had always been there. He was the silent enforcer, the man who looked after me, made sure Cameron had his back watched at all times. He was a part of us in his own way, and the truth was if he wasn’t around, I would feel this loss. It was strange, but that was my world now.

I opened the front door and stepped outside, the sun already set, the moon high, and the lights of the estate in full bloom. My heart started beating even harder, even faster. Damien was already moving toward the back of the Mercedes, and when he opened the door and Cameron stepped out, that puzzle piece fit right back in place inside of me.

For a second Cameron and Damien stood by the car and spoke softly. I didn’t need to know what they said, didn’t need to wonder if there was shady back-alley shit going down. This was the life I’d agreed to, the life I wanted to have for my own. Cameron was the man I wanted by my side.