Best of 2017

I can’t hold back the smile. “I’d stay at college?”

He raises an eyebrow. “You really think I’d expect you to abandon your studies because you had a baby? What century do you think I live in?” He points to the grey at his temple. “I may be ageing, Melissa Henley, but I am not a caveman, thank you very much.” His eyes twinkle and my heart does a weird stutter.

He wants it.

Oh my God. He really wants it.

And I know we’ve talked about it, in one day terms, and I know he loves his boys and loves Joe, too. I know he’s an amazing dad. I know he’s great with kids.

I just didn’t know he’d want this right here and know. I didn’t know he’d be so…

“You’re amazing,” I speak aloud. “I hope you know how much I love you.”

“You make it pretty clear.” His lips press to my cheekbone. It’s the most natural thing in the world to turn my face and meet his mouth with mine. “You’re distracting me,” he says between kisses. “Bathroom. Now.”

But I can’t stop. I can’t stop kissing the man I love.

I’m kissing him even as he pulls me to my feet and tangles his fingers in my hair. I’m kissing him as his hand comes to rest on my stomach so gently, as though he really wants it to be true.

In that one moment, I’m ready.

“I’m nervous,” I admit.

“Petrified, I imagine,” he says. “But we’ll be great, whatever the outcome.”

I smile, because I know we will.

I twirl the rings on my wedding finger, a habit of mine. I guess it’s because I still struggle to believe it, that he’s really mine, for keeps.

Forever.

“Let’s do it,” I say.

“Good girl,” he says, and sets off for the house with my hand still in his.

The boys and Dean are happy enough chatting football around the kitchen table. Brutus is chewing his chew in the hall as we head right on upstairs.

My heart is thumping like crazy as Alexander leads me through to our bedroom and takes one of the tests from his bedside drawer.

He holds open the en-suite door for me, and my throat is dry as I step on inside.

I get a whirlwind of crazy memories. Of the very first night I ever spent with him, when I was convinced he was going to piss in my mouth.

Of eating breakfast with him the first night I ever stayed at his.

Of our first night here, in this place. Our first night in our new bed where he loved me all night long.

I tug up my summer dress and pull down my knickers, sitting happily on the toilet while Alexander unboxes the test.

He hands it to me with the stick thing ready to roll, then drops to his knees in front of me.

Butterflies take flight all over again as he parts my knees and stares so intently at my pussy. It takes me a few seconds to overcome the nerves enough to pee, but when I start I move quickly, shoving that dipstick right into the flow and hoping I’m doing this right.

“That’s it,” he says, and I keep going, mind spinning as I try to work out what I’m really most afraid of – the test being positive or negative.

It’s a strange sensation to discover I’m most scared of it being negative.

It’s a stranger sensation still to discover how much I really want that little blue line to show.

I hand it over and he puts the cap back on the end.

And we wait.

Fuck, how we wait.

Every second takes a lifetime.

He rests his arms on my knees as we both stare down at that little window.

And then the faintest blue line begins to show.

My heart pounds in my temples.

He’s smiling as he looks up at me.

“I think you may need to let college know you’ll need a bit of flexibility with your classes. I’m sure they will accommodate.”

“It’s really real?” I ask.

He holds up the test, shaking it to prove it’s not a mirage.

The line is really there.

Pregnant.

I’m really pregnant.

“It’s really real, Melissa,” he says. “We’re having a baby.”

My hand is over my mouth and tears are pricking my eyes, but I’m smiling.

He lifts my summer dress higher over my belly and runs his fingers over my skin.

“We’re having a baby,” he says again, and kisses the bump which isn’t there yet.

I run my fingers through his hair. “We’re having a baby,” I say.

Fuck.

We really are.

His eyes speak a thousand words as he looks up at me, and all of them are happy.

“I love you, Melissa Henley,” he tells me. “I can’t wait to meet our newest family member.”

And neither can I.

We’re having a baby.

It’s crazy. But it’s crazy good.

I pull him close and hold him tight. His heart thumps fast against mine and it makes me smile.

When he kisses me I never want him to stop, and if it weren’t for the voices outside on the landing I don’t think he ever would.

“Dad?! Half time’s over!” Matthew calls, and Joe’s sweet little voice chimes in after him.

“Lissa! Half time’s over!”

Alex’s forehead is pressed to mine as we hold back laughter.

“When do we tell them?” I whisper.

“Soon,” he whispers back. “But not today. We’ll think about how best to tell everyone, but right now this is our thing. Let’s enjoy the secret for just a little while.”

I nod. Smile.

Our secret.

“Coming!” I shout to the boys.