Best of 2017

“Axel…” My voice trailed away. “Can we talk? Please.”

His face hardened, losing its momentary softness. “There’s nothing left to say. I’ve heard your apologies, your constant messages begging for forgiveness. I’m over it.”

“I don’t know what to do to make this right! I love you, and…”

Axel had already started shaking his head before I could finish speaking.

I wiped away the tears from my cheeks, but I saw the uncertainty in Axel’s eyes before he looked away. I felt as though my entire world fell apart around me. I forced a smile shakily past the tears and nodded my head, finally accepting defeat. Axel was over me for good.

Exhaling a long, shaky breath, fighting back the emotions, I shot out, “I didn’t realize our relationship was so delicate.”

Tension in Axel’s jaw and the glistening of tears in his eyes indicated that I’d hit a nerve. I had managed to chip away at the wall Axel created around his heart.

He stood up and advanced on me, not stopping until he stood so close I could smell the unique scent that seemed to belong to him alone. I closed my eyes, taking an involuntary deep breath, sparking the familiar desire that melted me and devastated me at the same time.

My gaze dipped to Axel’s mouth—full, perfect, and inviting. What would he do if I kissed him? Would he push me away? Maybe it was worth the risk.

My eyes trailed lower, down the line of his throat, to the simple V-neck black tee he wore beneath his jacket. His chest beckoned to be touched.

“Don’t you dare turn this around on me,” he hissed only inches from my face. “I’m not the one who destroyed us. You are.”

“Then let me fix us,” I pleaded.

“Fix us?” he asked, laughing harshly. “There’s no ‘us’ anymore. Our relationship isn’t just delicate, it’s scarred!”

I decided to take a huge risk and brought my hand up to Axel’s face, trailing my fingers along the flush that stained his cheek, left behind from his anger. He jerked his head away angrily and his chin hitched up, but I saw the flare of emotion in his eyes before he jerked away from me.

My face inches from his, I ran my gaze over Axel, watching the wall crumble even further. I didn’t want to stop. It was a temptation I couldn’t resist. I kissed him.

The minute my mouth made contact with his, I released a low moan, my body reacting as though it had been an eternity since we last touched. I pressed closer against his body, forgetting we were in a busy nightclub.

Axel didn’t just kiss me, he consumed me. His tongue stroked across the seam of my lips, demanding an entry I desperately wanted to give.

In a rushed movement, he grabbed me by the hand and led me out the doors into the parking lot. Without saying a word, Axel grasped my butt and lifted me up, placing me on the hood of a car, before pulling my thighs apart and settling within my spread legs.

When the velvet smoothness of his tongue stroked inside my mouth, I opened my mouth wider, meeting his tongue with my own in a hot, desperate dueling match.

“Axel…” I whispered against his mouth when he broke the kiss, running his tongue over my lips. I moaned as his hand tunneled beneath my skirt, cupping my moistened panties.

Axel’s hand slid under the fabric and stroked over my mound, dipping past my silken folds. Pressing past my entrance, he thrust his finger in and out without breaking the next passionate kiss.

Feverish, I brought my hands to cup Axel’s erection, my eyes fluttering closed as his finger pumped deeper within. I couldn’t get close enough to him, couldn’t get enough of his kiss, enough of his finger pulling the passion from my body.

God, I thought I had lost this. Lost the chance to make love to him ever again. My heart beat so fast I could barely catch my breath. I had Axel back. Axel was in my arms again.

I wrapped my legs around his lean waist, my body on fire from his touch. I attacked Axel’s mouth with carnal ferocity, my tongue pushing past his lips to breach the cavern of his mouth.

I released a ragged moan, one that came from deep within my soul, from my broken fucked up heart. I had missed Axel so much, his touch, his kisses, but more importantly… his love.

With a low growl, he pushed away, turning his back to me, striding a short distance away, enough space to cool the heat between us.

“Axel?”

He kept his back to me, standing there in silence. Very slowly, he faced me. “At least it’s clear what you’ve always wanted. I guess I was a fool to think you were more than just a groupie.”

Axel’s statement felt like ice thrown on the heat of passion that had threatened to consume me only moments ago. I eased myself off the hood of the car, heat covering my entire body as I met his cold, emotionless stare. Fighting back the flood of tears, I desperately searched his eyes for explanation. The sudden need to escape—flee from this pain—made my heart pound even harder against my chest.

“What are you talking about? Are you treating me like a groupie?” I could barely say the words.

What I saw in Axel’s eyes now brought a pang to my heart. His anger reached out and nearly strangled my very being in its intensity. Anger for lying, for keeping my reason of moving here a secret, for not trusting in our love. Anger for destroying the relationship we had built in such a short time.

“If you act like a groupie, you get treated like one. An emotionless hookup,” Axel stated quietly, his voice carefully matter-of-fact.

“Axel, please don’t be cruel. It kills me—”

“I’ve been used more times than I can count. People I think love me, or even like me, for me, are just using me for a connection. I had no idea you were doing that. I was blind!” he snapped, his words like a knife, carving into me.

“It wasn’t like that. You have to know that,” I said, taking a step toward him before stopping, wiping at the streaming tears coursing down my face. “No matter what you now believe, I… I love you.”

“Love me?” He laughed with venom. “You fucked with me,” he said, anger tightening his features. “You wanted the inside scoop on Axel Rye, son of the all mighty Jamison Rye. You lived the party scene and snorted my coke up your nose. And you fucked with me! Nothing different than all the other groupies of my life.” Fire burned in his eyes.

Unable to stand seeing the pain in Axel’s eyes, I turned. My voice low, I said, “I was insecure. I was afraid that any wrong step I made would mean losing you. I didn’t have enough faith in us as a couple. I guess I didn’t have enough trust in you. I should have told you the truth. It was the stupidest thing I could have done.” I stopped, taking a deep breath as a sob choked me. “I—I was acting like a stupid love-struck child. I created drama that didn’t need to exist.”

I stopped, my throat clogged with grief, blinking rapidly in an attempt to stop the tears burning my eyes. Afraid if I kept crying, I’d never be able to stop. I fought to keep it together, forcing myself to go on.

“I’m sorry, Axel. I owed you the truth about what I do for a living and this stupid boo

k. I just didn’t know what to do as the lie grew each time I let you believe otherwise,” I said, offering a helpless shake of my head. “I made it a bigger deal than it was.” I paused and drew in a breath. “And it was probably the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I paused before continuing. “I wasn’t using you. I wasn’t faking my desire to be with you. I wanted what you wanted, but I don’t expect you to believe me. I know I lost that trust. I’m so sorry.” I merely whispered my last words.

As if a miracle just happened, Axel strode over to me, dragging me into his arms, holding me close. “Quinn, didn’t you know how much I loved you?” he asked, pulling away enough to stare into my face. “That if you had just told me the truth, I would have understood? I wouldn’t have acted like an asshole. I would have trusted in our love. You were my world,” he said as he brushed his fingertips over my tear-stained cheeks, cupping my face with his palms.

“Then forgive me,” I whispered.

“I loved you. I pictured building a life with you. When you got caught in the lie, my entire world crumbled. All those dreams I had, they were dreams of us, places I wanted to go… with you.” Axel glared. “I wanted to be with you. Didn’t you know that?”

I saw tenderness and hurt mingled in his eyes. I also saw lingering anger, an anger I deserved.

“I’m sorry.” That was all I could verbalize right then. So many conflicting emotions coursed throughout my body that I felt almost crushed by the weight of them as I moved my hand slowly to Axel’s. Tears pooled in my eyes, burning them. But I willed myself to hold them back for once.

“I know you are,” he finally whispered.

“I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right with you,” I said, seeming to find my voice. “I want to earn back your trust. Do you want me to stop writing the book? I wasn’t going to use your name, but I will stop writing it altogether if you want.” Even though I made the offer, deep down I didn’t know if I would be able to follow through with that. I didn’t know how far Harrison had gone with it.

Axel shook his head, his voice even as he spoke. “I don’t expect you to do that. I would never ask that of you.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his eyes moving heavenward for a moment. “I guess I’ve known that you never really used me. Your intent at the beginning maybe was to, but I have to have faith in knowing you didn’t mean to hurt me—at least not once we fell in love. It was just a lie, but I know, deep down, that your heart has been in the right place.”