Best of 2017

He gives me a wink. “You’ll do fine. And if you ever have any trouble, you come see me. We’ll sort it out.”

When he starts talking about a row of Brownstones he’s working on a loan for, something catches my gaze in the window. A shadowed figure leans against a wall between two buildings. It appears to be a masculine figure. He’s tall and broad-shouldered. The man simply stares straight at us. Sometimes my imagination plays tricks on me. Vaughn is in my nightmares so it’s only fitting he’s in my reality too.

But I know he doesn’t know where I am.

I’ve been careful.

Besides, if it were Vaughn, he wouldn’t simply sit outside and watch me have a beer with another man. He’d come in here with guns literally blazing and accost me right in front of everyone.

A shudder ripples through me. When I glance back outside, the figure is gone. Another figment. Always a figment.

“Hey,” Sean says with a husky laugh, his knee brushing against mine under the table. “I think I lost you there.”

I snap my attention to him. His eyebrows are pinched together as if he’s trying to figure me out. He’ll never figure out my messy head.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him with a forced chuckle. My hand pats his on the table. “It was a long, stressful day.”

Mischief dances in his green eyes. “How about we resolve to have no more of those types of days? I have just the thing to get you on the right foot.”

Just the thing turns out to be shots of tequila. And while I was hesitant at first to drink with my new boss, I immediately gave in when he gave me exaggerated puppy dog eyes. Sean is friendly and funny. I’ve been strutting along for so long with a stick up my ass that it’s nice to relax for once. By the third shot, I’m warm and giggly.

Sean disappears to go to the restroom, and I check my phone. I’m not sure why but I’d hoped for some kind of “please don’t quit” message from the sexy Grayson Maxwell. Despite his apparent shock and annoyance of my resignation, he sure as hell hasn’t tried to get me to stay.

“Miss me?” Sean questions with a chuckle when he comes sauntering back with more shots in his hands. He sidles into the booth beside me and pushes two shots toward me. “To new beginnings.” His grin is wide and flirty. “To new valuable employees.”

I swat at him. “Now you’re just being ridiculous.” But I’m smiling. Truth is, it’s nice that he sees such potential in me.

His arm stretches out behind me across the back of the booth, and he leans in. “I’m not. I knew it the moment I read your résumé. Now drink or I’ll consider it insubordination.”

Laughing, I grab my shot and drain it down.

“Good girl,” he teases and runs his fingers along the outside of my arm.

I shiver and pick up the second shot. Once I drain that one, I look at him with a lifted brow. “Who says I’m good?”

It’s been ages since I’ve been out with friends and done something as simple as joke around. Sean’s gaze darkens and he doesn’t respond. He sucks down both of his shots before slamming them back down on the table. “You’re trouble,” he says, his voice hoarse.

Warmth surges through me. I’m happy. I am finally leaving a dead end job and running toward a future. After a lifetime of mistakes, I’m going to start making something of myself.

“Thank you,” I tell him with a sigh and lean against him. I’m drunk now. The room is starting to swim. This was a bad idea.

His fingers curl around my bicep. “You’re welcome.”

Sean is warm. Approachable and nice. I wonder what it would be like to kiss someone like him. To straddle his firm hips and ride him right into an orgasm. My panties dampen at the thought of getting laid. It’s been years.

Would he kiss me in that soul-consuming way Vaughn used to?

Vaughn was bad for me.

Would he touch me in all the right places like Vaughn did?

Vaughn ruined me.

Would he fuck me like I belonged only to him until the end of time like Vaughn did?

Vaughn was a psychopath.

“Letty.” Sean’s hissed voice cuts through my confusing haze. I hate Vaughn, but imagining him while I touch myself is the only way I can get off. It’s humiliating. “You have to stop or I’ll come right here in my pants.”

I jolt at his words and look down at my hand that’s rubbing his erection through his slacks. Horror threatens to suffocate me as I jerk my hand from him.

“Oh my God,” I croak and start to pull from his grip. “I am so sorry.”

“Hey,” he murmurs against my hair. “This is my fault. I should have fed you before I liquored you up. Please don’t think I’m some pervert.”

Guilt infects me.

He thinks he’s the pervert?

I’m the one who was rubbing up on him like a dog in heat.

“Do I still have the job?” I whisper.

His chuckle once again warms me. “Of course.”

My eyes close and I think of Vaughn. His blond hair that was long on top and shaved on the sides. The way it would flop into his eyes and stick to his temple when he’d fuck me. The man was terror and beauty molded into one perfectly horrifying package.

“Letty…”

The voice is all wrong.

“I need to call you a cab. Right now. Or else…” A groan. “Or else

I think we’re both going to regret this in the morning.”

When I drag my eyes open, I realize I’m practically in Sean’s lap. My lips are pressed against his throat with my fingers tangled in his hair. He has a death grip on my ass. The erection poking into my thigh tells me he really wants me and is barely holding back.

“Shit!” I groan and scramble out of his lap. “I...this…”

“Cab,” he says huskily and climbs out of the booth. “God…you have no idea how hard it will be to put you in that car and watch you drive away with this raging problem.” He gestures to his cock through his jeans, and a giggle escapes me. This causes him to chuckle too. “Laugh it up, angel. Let’s go before we get ourselves kicked out of here.”

I vaguely remember him slapping down a wad of cash and ushering me into a cab. Just when he’s helping me inside, I hear heavy footsteps. Then, a pop followed by a groan. The car door on the opposite side opens up, but I’m already blacking out. My address is hissed from a familiar voice beside me the moment the car door slams shut. The cab begins to move, but all I can think about are the strong fingers stroking through my hair. The rugged, masculine scent filling my nostrils.

“Shhh,” the voice whispers in a possessive way. “I have you now.”

Who had me before?

Better yet, who has me now?

His gentle caresses send me right into a slumber without a care in the world.

I have you now.

SOMETIMES LOVE ISN’T black or white. Sometimes love isn’t even in color.

For me, love is red.

Bloody, dripping, bright, and crimson.

Violent.

Messy but brilliant against my otherwise dull world.

“Tell me you love me,” Vaughn murmurs, the slight stubble on his chin dragging along my lower belly. “Tell me.”

When our eyes meet, his are bloodshot but not angry. No, right now, he’s in a rare mood. Contemplative and borderline sweet. Just Vaughn. Not the unhinged man he’s slowly evolved into.

“I love you.” Because right now, I do love him. In this exact moment, it’s true. My love for Vaughn changes. Rises and sets like the sun based on his moods. When he’s warm and shining his bright smile upon me, I bask in all that’s him. But when he clouds himself from me and his features darken, my love flickers and dims. Sometimes my love fades away completely.