“So you wouldn’t’ve told them about Landon if you’d had another option?”
“I don’t know. The risk of the McKays taking him away was better than Social Services getting a hold of him and making me prove for the next sixteen years that I’m a fit mother. So when I met Brandt…I trusted him. Immediately. I knew Landon would have family, no matter what happened to me.” Samantha glanced up and locked her teary-eyed gaze to Jessie’s. “Now that I’ve told you the ugly truth, can you be honest with me about something?”
Somehow she worked up enough spit to speak. “I’ll try.”
“Did you come here today because you were hoping you’d get to have Landon a little longer?”
Jessie was too stunned to answer.
But Samantha wouldn’t let it go. “Or were you scared you and Brandt might be stuck with Landon permanently?”
Inwardly Jessie squirmed. But she supposed the questions weren’t any harder to answer than they were for Samantha to ask. “I had no freakin’ clue. I suspected you’d need time to get your life back together after being in jail and I wasn’t sure how long it’d take. But I know Brandt never would use the word ‘stuck’ when it comes to taking care of his nephew. He loves Landon. Unconditionally. He would’ve done what needed done.”
“What about you?”
Brandt’s words, Don’t make me choose, Jessie, please, don’t make me choose, stuck with her.
Haunted her.
“Landon is a sweet boy and I liked taking care of him and being a part of his life.”
“But?”
Being totally open with Samantha about her change of heart, when she hadn’t told Brandt about it yet felt like a breach of trust. Jessie looked at her. “But I’m glad you’re stepping up to your responsibilities.”
“I know it won’t be easy. I made some mistakes. And it might sound like I’ve been brainwashed or something, but being in jail was good for me. Being away from Landon was good for me too. Because now, I understand what’s important in my life, when before…” Her voice wavered. “I love him so much and I want him to know it every day. I want to be the mom who tucks him in every night and reads him bedtime stories. I want to teach him how to do stuff like ride a bike. I want to take him to the park. I want to sign him up for little league when he’s bigger. I want him to have friends. And family. I want to make sure he’s got more to eat for supper than a bag of Cheetos. I want be the kind of mother I never had. I can do it. I know I can do it. I want to do it. Learning to take care of myself and my son is all that matters to me now.”
That’s when Jessie knew. This woman, given another chance, would be a good mother. She’d be a good person. She’d paid for her mistakes and now she had a chance to make her life right, to move on and to put her past behind her. She deserved the chance to prove it to herself and to Landon. She needed Jessie’s support. Not her scorn. Not her skepticism.
Keep it light or you will lose it completely. “You’re in luck because in the last couple months Landon discovered he loves having stories read to him.”
Samantha wiped her eyes. “Really? I never had extra money to buy him books.”
“He’s got a box full of them now. And there’s always the library when he gets bored with them.”
Jessie smiled. “I had extras from the daycare, and Brandt…well, he and Tell and Dalton had such a great time buying Landon boy toys. I’m afraid you’ll have a whole bunch of stuff to pack.”
“Trust me. I don’t mind. I can’t wait.”
She noticed that Samantha’s focus kept drifting to the door. “What are your plans?”
“I’ll start my education rehab at the community college in Casper in a couple weeks. They’ve got housing and daycare and I can do work-study during the day, so I can be with Landon at night and on weekends. Since that’s where the halfway house was, I’ve gotten involved with a local A.A. program. My sponsor introduced me to a counselor and he’s really encouraging about making positive forward progress, which is a first in my life, to be honest.”
All of a sudden Samantha’s face lit up. She made a soft gasp and hopped out of the booth and then seemed frozen in place, as she waited. Was she afraid her son wouldn’t recognize her? Was she afraid Landon would come to Jessie first?
A dark head streaked past and Jessie heard a shrieked, “Mama mama mama!”
Samantha lifted Landon in her arms, hugging him tight, sobbing, “Omigod, baby, I missed you so so much. I swear I’m never gonna…”
“Mama mama mama!”
She held him and cried buckets. Through her gasping cries, Samantha babbled, making Landon incoherent promises. Kissing his cheeks. Rubbing his back. Touching him as if his presence might be a dream. Just holding him like she’d never let him get away from her again.
That softened the knife’s edge of pain a little.
Samantha’s eyes drank in every nuance of his face. “Lookit you. You’re such a big boy now.”
“Yef.”
She laughed, even though she was still crying. “And you’re talking too. I’m in for it now, huh?”
“Yef.”
Jessie slipped from the booth, desperate to escape because this was goodbye she’d been dreading since the day she’d first set eyes on him. With her feelings in such turmoil, she was as afraid she’d break down as she was afraid she wouldn’t break down.
Landon finally looked at her and those big blue eyes lit up.
“Hey, lil’ buckaroo,” she said softly.
He said, “Down,” and wiggled until his mother released him. He ran to Jessie hell bent for leather. His contact with her was more of a body check than a hug, which made her laugh. She squeezed him with one arm and placed a kiss on top of his head. “I’m gonna miss you, sweet boy.”
Jessie expected him to squirm away, because even at nineteen months the kid had a time limit on hugs, especially when his uncles were around. God forbid if a McKay—of any age—appeared too girly.
But Landon didn’t race away. He heaved a contented sigh against her neck. Then he moved back and placed a sticky hand on each of her cheeks. He locked his serious gaze to hers and gave her a kiss, square on the mouth. He emitted a noise deep in his throat, then he raced back to his mother.
It took about ten seconds to sink in.
Landon had acted exactly like Brandt. Holding her face. Kissing her. Making that possessive growl.