Steele (Arizona Vengeance 9)

Tonight, I walked away from Ella after declaring I wanted another shot to win her back. While we’ve been separated for several months we’re still legally married, but that in no way makes her mine. I’m going to have to work to regain her trust.

I’m also going to have to accept she has someone else vying for her attention. At least, I think that will continue to be the case. Who knows… maybe seeing two hulking, professional hockey players stalking Ella might give him pause? That would be incredibly lucky on my part if so.

Deep down, though, I know it won’t be that easy. Our marriage was crap in the end, and I let Ella down over and over again. Worse, I had let down our thirteen-year-old daughter Lucy because I was never quite able to make either of my girls my highest priority over hockey.

Every bit of it was my fault, and when Ella asked me to leave our home, I couldn’t even argue. I was a shitty husband, and I deserved no less.

My vision going a bit hazy, I realize it’s not just a matter of winning Ella over, but our daughter as well. I can’t say Lucy is totally against me, but if she had to choose a side, it would be Ella’s. Not that Ella would ever let her do that. Quite the opposite, Ella has had to have some stern talks with Lucy when she gives me attitude or tries to refuse to spend time with me. We never did a formal separation agreement as I made it easy on Ella when we split. I didn’t argue over visitation, already knowing she’d have primary custody given my travel schedule. Money wasn’t an issue, and we still used the same joint checking and savings account as we always did, except now we pay the mortgage on our marital home where she currently resides, as well as rent on the house I moved into.

I thought about moving into an apartment, but I figured Lucy would like a house better as she’s an outdoor type of girl and loves having a yard. That didn’t seem to matter in the end, though. When I have visitation with her, she spends most of her time ignoring me in her bedroom.

Sighing, I’m aware there are two women I have to win over. I’m up to the task, though.

Lucy’s going to be the easiest because deep down she’s a sweet kid who loves her daddy deeply. She has a lot of teenage attitude going on, but part of my game plan is to devote more attention to her. It will work because I’ve never given her enough on a consistent basis.

Ella will be more difficult because I actually crushed her heart. She may have been the one to request the separation, but it was because I’d already broken her.

I start drumming my fingers on my stomach. Ella will never fall for things like flowers or gifts. It’s going to take a concerted effort to show my interest in her is real. It will be like starting all over again, and I’ll have to win her over in the same manner I had to back in high school.

On top of that, she’s seeing someone else who, while I deem him to be quite ordinary, clearly has something about him that makes her happy. God, it fucking hurt to see her laugh with him tonight, even though at the same time, there was a small part of me that was happy for her.

I don’t have the ability to make her laugh like that anymore. That’s going to take some rebuilding of trust, but… I do have an edge.

She may have sneered when I insinuated I’d be glad to remind her of the good times—and by that, we were totally talking about sex—but I saw it in her eyes. There was still a slight burn, and that might just have to be my angle.

Yeah, say whatever about all the bad things between us, but even right up until the time she asked me to move out, we still fucked like we were madly in love.

Ella is so sexually liberated, and she has been from the start of our relationship. The relief I’d felt upon hearing she had not slept with Mr. Ordinary meant we still had something intact that was uniquely our own.

With a wife who loves your touch and loves to touch in return, my life should have been fucking perfect, right? Christ, I don’t know how many times Ella was the one to initiate things between us because she craved me as much as I did her.

Not even three damn days before she asked me to leave, I came home midmorning from a team meeting and light skate to find her lying in our bed, clad in sexy lingerie that instantly made me hard. Lucy was at a friend’s house and there was my beautiful wife, opening her arms—and her legs—to me.