“You’re talking about being somewhat psychic again?”
“Don’t say it like that. Don’t patronize me.”
“I didn’t think I was. I apologize.”
“Well, maybe I’m a little sensitive about it,” she admitted. “I realize that no one believes me.”
“I don’t know if you’re psychic or not. But you have every right to believe it,” he said, treading carefully.
“Thanks.”
“How about we back up,” Heath suggested. “You didn’t tell me I’m a father because you were scared that your psychic prediction came true. Is that right?”
She nodded, reached for her wine glass, and took a drink. She made a “humph” sound and finally looked at him. “Okay, that’s kind of a load of nonsense. I admit it. I guess I didn’t tell you about being a father because I was hiding from the truth. I was afraid you wouldn’t want to be a father, and that you wouldn’t want me. I kept thinking if you had more time to get used to the twins, if you spent more time with me, then when you learned the truth it wouldn’t seem so big and overwhelming. You have said, if you remember, that you don’t want children.”
He winced at the memory.
Sylvie hurried on. “Also, what we had was just a one-night stand, and I didn’t want you to feel obligated to have to take care of the boys. I don’t want you to think that you have to do anything at all. I have everything under control. I’m taking care of them just fine, as you’ve been able to see. So you don’t have to do anything.”
There would be plenty of time to talk about how he could help Sylvie with the babies, although he wasn’t sure if he should be offended or appreciative that she appeared to be trying to give him an out.
“We’ve been together practically every day all day for the last two weeks,” he said. “If you found out a week ago, there’s been a lot of time for you to grasp how I might feel about it, even if I did talk about my concerns about being a good parent. I’ve been here for you the whole time, Sylvie. I accepted that the babies are part of the package. I understood what it meant to get involved with you, and I didn’t back away from that.”
Her brow furrowed. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re getting a package. The boys are a part of me and my life. They should be viewed as a bonus, not a kind of necessary evil.”
Heath realized they had tread into very dangerous territory. He started to backpedal. “Of course not. What I meant is that when I came for you, I knew you were a mother when I saw the picture on the Internet. I knew that going in. I still wanted to be part of your life and get to know you better. That meant getting to know the babies, too.”
“Just because you said that, doesn’t mean that’s actually true when push comes to shove, especially once you started being around them all the time. Those little babies are entirely dependent on me for everything. They take my time and attention and energy nearly twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. That’s not a small commitment, Heath, and if you’re not ready for that, why would I force that on you? I’ve seen the fallout of what happens when a man doesn’t want to be saddled with a family.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean my own father.”
Chapter Twenty Two
SYLVIE HAD ONCE SPOKEN TO Heath about her father, but briefly.
“A man might leave for any number of reasons, not just because he doesn’t want the responsibility,” he said.
“I wouldn’t know. I can’t imagine how he ever did such a thing,” she said.
“Since your father left you, you think all men leave.”
“It’s not that simple. I get it. For all I know I’m meant to go it alone. It could be my fate and there’s no point in fighting against it.”
Sylvie was afraid of commitment, he thought, and a lot of that came from her past. She was a strong, proud woman. And though her nature was to be whimsical and spontaneous, her life experience had left her afraid of losing control. So she clung tightly to what was most important to her life — her children, her family, and Zeke’s Bend itself.
“You’re the twins’ mother,” he said, “and you’re doing an amazing job. I don’t want to get in the way of that. And I don’t even know if you actually want me in their lives.”
Sylvie’s eyes widened. “Of course, if you want to be there, I want you there. I just don’t want you to feel obligated. Kids are smart. They pick up on that kind of thing.”
Heath knew that better than anyone, but he felt as if they could go around in this circle forever. “I don’t feel obligated, Sylvie. I’m a big boy. I don’t shirk my responsibilities, and yes, I do see this as a responsibility, but that doesn’t mean it’s a burden. There’s a difference. In fact, it’s all the difference in the world. You know that if you think about it.”
She nodded. “You’re right. There’s a difference.”
“I’m not sorry this happened, Sylvie. I don’t regret Chicago for a moment, and I don’t regret showing up here on your doorstep completely unannounced and getting to spend time with you and with my boys.”
It was the first time that he had used a possessive when talking or thinking about the twins. It still felt awkward, but he knew that he’d finally said the right thing when he saw Sylvie’s face relax.
“I wouldn’t change it, Sylvie,” he said. “I’m more than ready for whatever comes next.”
She smiled and practically jumped across the small space separating them and flung herself into his arms.
He hugged her tightly as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He felt the delightful light touch of her kisses going up and down his cheek.
“You’re going to love them,” she said between kisses. “They are so wonderful. Heath, I’m so glad that you are their father.”
A voice inside him mumbled that at least somebody was happy about it. Damn. He wished that voice hadn’t said that. It wasn’t true, not really. That voice was simply speaking for the part of him that constantly reminded Heath that he had no idea of how to be a father.
He gave some voice to that fear. “I don’t know how to be a family man, Sylvie, so I hope you’ll be patient with me.”
Sylvie looked up at him with a soft smile on her face. She put her small, soft hand on his cheek. “I’ll help you. You’re going to be great at this.”
Everything he’d been denying himself when it came to Sylvie was right in front of him. They’d figure the rest of it out. It couldn’t be that hard if they were together. Right now, he only wanted her.
“I’m ready, Heath. I want this, too.” She must have read the unspoken question in his eyes.
This was what he had been waiting for since he arrived in Zeke’s Bend. He dipped his head to find her lips and she eagerly met him halfway. Their hands were all over each other, but it felt different from Chicago.
Heath experienced a wave of possessiveness that was new. This was the woman he cared about, the mother of his children. She was a fragile piece of glass and he wanted to wrap her up in his arms and take care of her so that she never had to worry about anything bad happening to her ever again.
The joke was on him, he supposed. He hired an escort service because he wanted to avoid precisely this kind of commitment. And then, in a twist he’d never expected, he saw Sylvie in a champagne-colored dress sitting on a stool in that bar. Nothing had been the same since.
The joke was on him all right. He had railed for so long against the idea of commitment that it had come back and punched him in the gut. But, as it turned out, he didn’t mind at all.
It wasn’t commitment he’d been avoiding. He was avoiding the expectations of women he didn’t care about. That was why he hired the escort service. Sylvie, though, she could expect pretty much anything she wanted and he’d try to deliver it.
He gently stroked Sylvie’s hair. He wanted to spend hours worshiping her body, but neither one of them could wait long. They’d been waiting for this, he’d been waiting for this, for over a year now.
He gently
scooped her up, laughing at the way she squealed and kicked her legs. There was nothing in this world like holding Sylvie. He took her to his bed and lay her on it.
She rapidly unbuttoned and slipped his shirt off his shoulders. They made quick work of undressing each other. Every inch of her skin that he uncovered, he had to kiss.
He admired the slopes and valleys of her body, the smoothness of her skin, the swoop of her calves, the delicate ankles, and tiny painted toes.
Her body was slightly fuller now, and as Heath skimmed her curves, he relished the change. He took his time admiring her when she was finally naked in all her glory.
She seemed slightly embarrassed and some of her ardor cooled. She’d made as if to cover herself. He’d have none of that.
He grabbed her wrists and pinned her arms overhead “No. You’re gorgeous. I want to see every inch of you. No hiding, baby. This is all mine, isn’t it?”
She licked her beautiful lips and nodded, her glittering brown eyes drawing him down for a passionate kiss. He pulled back before he lost track of what he was about.