When she nodded, a muscle flexed in his jaw. "I am sorry, Alexis. I . . . It is difficult for me. Your world . . ." He glanced around them. "It's so quiet here."
Alexis tuned in to the sounds of birds, the light whisper of the wind, a far away murmur of traffic. He shook his head. "You remember the roaring in the Dark One world?"
A low, incessant current of thunder, the sound of flames, punctuated by screams and shrill cries from the Dark Ones. She remembered. It was part of what had frayed her nerves while she was there, like a horror movie soundtrack on a continuous loop.
"In that world--" That muscle jumped again, and she sensed a struggle going on inside of him, something he didn't necessarily feel comfortable saying. "It was as Mina said to you. I was different, for a very long time. I was always . . . afraid. Or hurt, from whatever they were able to do to me when they caught me, which was often. But because of the Mountain Battle, many of them were gone. So I grew stronger, more determined, more clever. Eventually, I hurt them. Made them afraid of me."
His hands flexed on her arms, and when she shivered, he stepped back. "But I never stopped being on guard. Expecting to be hurt and afraid again made me determined to do whatever was necessary to keep that from happening. You don't live like that, so I can't believe you would endure much discomfort on my behalf, for no gain to yourself. But there are many things about you I have never experienced before."
He raised his hand as if to touch her, but then, as if he also remembered her flinch, he dropped it. Alexis not only felt his mental struggle, but saw it, in the flexing of his jaw, in how long the silence drew out between them before he spoke again. His voice was rough. "I have no experience with asking for anything. But I need to ask you . . . to have faith in me, as you say, until I learn what that is myself. And," he added, his voice lowering, "I may be wrong. I think it is possible your fate does matter to me. Very much."
Alexis had seen her share of male and female relationships. With her unique insights, she knew that men and women had difficulty being entirely truthful with one another, and sometimes lied to keep peace between them, to push away the problems or worries when they rubbed one another the wrong way. But even if she couldn't sense his emotions, she knew Dante didn't lie. Not about things like this.
What was the matter with her? He was struggling with feelings he'd never handled, and she was being almost as self-absorbed as he expected. She needed to--
"Do exactly as you are doing." His eyes sparked, and now he tilted her chin up to hold her gaze. "I learned how to fight by being beaten, Alexis. I learned how to steal by being hungry. I learned how to seek out power by being helpless. Perhaps the only way I can learn about these emotions you experience is by running afoul of them. And," he added, his face hardening, "I strongly dislike the idea of you treating me like one of your wounded animals. I allowed this." He touched the collar with distaste. "But I will not be treated as inferior or weak, someone not deserving your full respect. You will not be successful in being emotionally detached from me. I will not permit it."
He was so difficult to keep up with. It was a struggle to get her mind around the alternating currents of emotions, some anger, some far deeper, coaxing her into the darkness of his soul where she sometimes became as lost as he might be. He was on target, though. To do this right, she couldn't be emotionally detached, so she had to accept and deal with her own turbulent surf. The hug had been new for him, but she'd sensed he'd liked it.
"I like the way your body relaxed into mine," he confirmed. "It was different from what we did before."
"It's affection," she explained. "The desire to touch for emotional connection. Which the other has as well," she added with a touch of a flush rising in her cheeks, "But this is . . . quieter."
"Like holding hands," he said shrewdly. She nodded. "What other things show affection?"
"You saw some of them today, between the parents and children."
"I am more interested what those who know each other as we have do."
"Oh. Well, all right. Can you hold still?" At his amusingly wary nod, she rose on tiptoe to reach his face. Putting a hand against his cheek, she slid her fingertips into his hair, slow and easy. Then she laid her lips on his. True to his word, he remained immobile as she brushed his mouth in a tender caress and then went back to her heels again. "Gentle kisses like those can be another way. Then there's lying together, without sex. I see lovers all the time lying on blankets on the beach at sunrise, watching the tide roll in and out. Spooning together, dozing." She gave him that image in her mind, and was intrigued by the flicker of interest in his eyes. "Lovers also do things for companionship. Read or watch TV, playing games and sports together. If there's emotion beyond merely sex, you want to spend time with that person."
"Like us at the craft room?"
"Yes and no," she said, managing a strained smile. Keep the fantasy away from the reality, Lex. "In our case, that was getting you used to things here, so it's functional first, rather than romantic." As his gaze strayed lower, Alexis cleared her throat. "I guess I better put myself back together if we're going to go other places today."
"That might be wise," came a voice behind them.
Twenty
DANTE and Alexis turned together to see Mina leaning against the car. The black-haired witch was in human form, of course, clad in a velvet skirt and a T-shirt printed with two lop-eared rabbits sleeping amid a cluster of purple violets. Her long hair was braided down her back. She looked like a college student with a bohemian fashion sense, as long as one didn't look at her bicolored eyes, or the fathomless layers of power residing in them.
Her glance passed over Alexis, dismissing her state of dress, though Alexis self-consciously refastened her clothes and gave a tug to bring her bra back in place. Mina focused on Dante instead.
"We've located a vampire who might have known your mother. We're here to take you to her."
Dante turned defensively as David landed a few feet behind him. While the angel spent enough time with Mina in Nevada that Alexis often saw him in casual human clothes like the witch was wearing now, today he was with his Legion, for the short red half-tunic he wor
e as a battle skirt and wide belt were his only garments. Unless one counted the weapons harness that held his daggers. Alexis wondered if the display was to keep Dante mindful of his manners, or something else.
"The vampire we're going to see is one of the most powerful of her kind," Mina said, picking up the direction of her thoughts. "It's important at least one of us appears worthy of the audience."
David's mouth tugged in a slight smile. "I tried to convince her to wear striped stockings and a pointy hat."
The humor eased Alexis's concerns, but she could see the tension in Dante and slid her hand into his. "I'll go with you."
"No, you won't. Your parents want to see you." Mina straightened from the car. "Dealing with your father is a pain in my ass. Go ease their concerns."
"She is not yours to command, witch," Dante said sharply.
"As my goddaughter, the right is more mine than yours." Mina's gaze flashed. "Do not press me, vampire."
"Stop," Alexis interrupted. "Mina, my parents will certainly understand if I go see them tomorrow. How can I help if I'm not allowed to be with him when he learns more about who he is?"
"He can tell you when he gets back. There is some danger involved in this." Mina's expression reflected irony at Dante's forbidding expression. "Vampires are not highly social outside their own kind, and can be unpredictable, the oldest ones most of all."
"More than a witch with Dark One blood?"
Mina's gaze snapped back to Alexis. Some of her courage withered under that stare, but she managed to keep her chin up, her expression resolute. She thought she heard a muffled chuckle from David. "You'll be with us, right? Please let me go with him, Mina. This is about Pyel, isn't it? He didn't want me to go."
"You underestimate the power of your mother's guilt. When she wields it, it's a weapon even more formidable than your father's overly eager sword." Mina sighed irritably. "Fine. Go, then. But you go as an observer only. Be silent unless spoken to."
"I will permit no harm to come to her," Dante declared.
The witch gave him a gimlet eye. "You know nothing of what you are about to face, so you have no idea if you can protect her or not."