She needed David, in order to deal with this dreadful loneliness. "He said he loved me," she said aloud to her solitary cave walls. She frowned. "No, it wasn't that. He just needed to save someone."
No, that wasn't it, either. He'd needed to save someone whom he loved. And she had to trust him enough to let him do it. She'd rather face an army of Dark Ones again. Or worse, one of Anna's hugs.
May I come see him, then?
Would you come even if I said no?
Yes.
Then thank you for the illusion of courtesy. I'll tell the advance guard to expect your appearance.
Can you clear the roof platform?
Another pause, laden with curiosity. It's clear.
Mina closed her eyes. It was a long leap, and it was going to hurt, but what didn't?
The energy she had within and around her required constant exercise, in small and large ways, and there was never enough to occupy it, something that was also interfering with her sleep. Like a pack of restless hounds, it milled inside of her, barely under control but manageable, as long as she had a focus.
She could turn her cave into a warm, dry palace if she wanted, a maze of never-ending rooms filled with all the things that intrigued her in the human world. She need only summon them to her fingertips. But always, there was the Darkness within her. Maybe she could control it and still have some of those comforts, but old habits and precautions died hard. David had thought there was another way, but that way involved him, and she wouldn't ask anything of him now. She had no right.
However, she had enough power to be dangerously close to chaos, could feel it boiling and bubbling in the back of her mind at all times. Only one person could steady it, help her work through what was happening to her. In the maelstrom of the battle, when a million voices of Dark Ones had called to her, it was believing in David's love that had held her fast, anchored her.
So again she faced the conflict. What was best for David, versus what she needed. And could she live with the guilt if she chose the latter?
HER apparitions tended to be accompanied by a defensive flash of fire, a percussion wave like an explosion that would knock back anything within twenty feet of her arrival. She was experimenting with toning that down, but she couldn't deny a certain satisfaction that she managed to misjudge her distance and blow out a section of the keep's border wall. She had tried for courtesy, however, since she did ask for a clear platform, despite a niggling desire to see a few angels somersaulting through the air like disgruntled bugs bouncing off a windshield.
No, she was never going to be truly good.
Jonah was sitting on the far wall, paging through a book, much as he'd been doing the day she came here as a dragon. He glanced up as the air around her settled, the fire dissipating. His gaze passed over the ruined brick, his hair still rippling over his shoulders from the blast. He seemed to be wearing it longer these days, making her wonder if Anna liked it that way. Did she like running her fingers through it as he lay over her, his powerful body pressing down on hers, the weight of his cock insistent between her legs?
A tiny tremor ran through her. Oh, yes, she missed David for other, fairly base reasons. That was for certain, even though she knew his condition made him incapable of such things. But it was more than the physical, unfortunately. It was everything the physical passion he'd shared with her had implied, the needs of her heart and soul he met when he held her, took her.
Raphael had come out to join Jonah, and she approached them now in human form. The white light of the Citadel pulsed around her, but another experiment she was testing was a different level of shielding that might allow her to expose herself to a place like this for longer periods. That in itself kept the wild dogs within her occupied, because there was of course a boatload of white light here.
She glanced at Raphael. "How is he? More specifically."
"He's not worsening, but he gets no better. The wounds will not close and begin to heal. His wings will not regenerate. Each time we try, the Dark One blood simply neutralizes the healing energy, or makes it worse, attacking a new area. I have stopped doing anything but seeing to his comfort." Raphael considered her. "You have said you are not skilled in healing. But just seeing you may help him. He has been asking about you. Constantly."
"Well, why didn't you-"
"He wouldn't let us," Jonah cut across her before she could unsheathe her claws.
Raphael nodded. "He would not allow us to summon you until you were willing to come on your own."
She'd needed time after that battle, she told herself. She'd known Raphael was most equipped to see to him. She'd never tried to heal severe injuries of the flesh or mind. And if he was dying, she was too much of a coward to watch it.
The problem was that she was a coward, period. She still visited the Dark One world in her dreams, but her nightmares were about David. About his screams and her doing nothing. About the way he'd looked when they were done with him. How could she heal what she had caused?
That had been her illogical reasoning. But the angel healers didn't have the skill to heal injuries related to Dark One blood. She'd known that, of course, when Raphael had only limited success in restoring her energy after the Canyon Battle. She'd hoped it wouldn't affect the healing of an angel. Who would have anticipated an angel with Dark One blood running through his veins?
In point of fact, there was only one angel she'd ever known with an aptitude for healing an injury involving Dark One blood. Her brow furrowed, the wheels of her mind turning. Raphael's attention sharpened. "You've thought of something."
"Maybe. I don't know. I have an idea, but I can't explain it. I just have to feel my way through it. Let me think." She shifted her attention to Jonah. "And so when you checked on me, under the pretense of asking about things in the Dark One world, what did you tell him?"
"It was not a pretense. It is a matter of importance. But if you must k
now, I told him that you were as charming as ever. That you were out saving orphans and planting flowers and had no time to see him."
At her stare, he let out a sigh. "I told him you were safe. That was his main concern, initially. He is a soldier, and you were his charge. I told him you were no longer in need of our physical protection. As to whether you are still a threat to us, that I could not address."
"Did he ask that?"
"No, I just did."
She pursed her lips, even while noting an impatient shift from Raphael. He was a healer. If she had an idea, nebulous or not, he wanted her to be pursuing it. Which told her David was worse than even their grim words portrayed.
"You know I'm still a threat," she said to Jonah. "But there isn't much to be done about it, is there?"
"What I need to know is if you are an ally or an enemy."
"I'm not your enemy. I don't know much about being an ally." She turned to Raphael. "Where is he?"
Raphael gestured to her to follow him, giving Jonah a glance.
"Mina."
She stopped, turned as Jonah straightened from the wall, laying down the book. "Thank you for your help retrieving the Trumpet."
"I caused every problem you had," she pointed out.
"Perhaps. But you fixed them, and in doing so, things have changed. Perhaps for the better."
"Or worse. And I didn't fix all of them. I don't know if I'm a threat," she said abruptly. "But know this. You can't stop me. You can't control me."
She noticed then that Marcellus sat on the wall around the curve of the bailey, which was now in her line of sight. He must have sustained some serious injuries, for as he rose he showed some stiffness, as well as a fairly noticeable scar line that ran from the base of his throat across his chest. A close call. Some Dark One had almost succeeded in ripping his heart from his chest.
With his face unreadable, it took a moment before she realized he'd risen from the wall as a sign of respect. To her.
"There are checks and balances in all things in nature," Jonah's sharp tone cut through her shock, drew her attention back to him. "Yours might not be evident, but they will be in time, if we had to stop you."