Ezekiel waited for a few minutes and then once again came to the side of the bed to help him sit. He raised the bed just a few inches, forcing Malichai’s back up. Still, Malichai didn’t look down or take the sheet from his leg. His hip throbbed and the upper part of his thigh throbbed and itched, but he wouldn’t touch it. His stomach lurched at the thought. He forced himself to think about Jerry, the soldier they’d rescued in Afghanistan. He’d not only lost his leg, he’d lost his arm as well. Where was he now?
“Would you find someone for me, Zeke?”
He dropped his hand to his hip but didn’t rub. He just took a deep breath. “His name is Jerry Lannis. Kid took a hit for his team in Afghanistan. Lost an arm and a leg. Rubin helped him out, kept him alive, and he was flown to Germany. Can you find out where he is now and how he’s doing?”
He should have done that. Followed up on the kid, maybe gone to see him. How many kids had there been? They’d rescued so many. Brought them home to their loved ones just like this, shattered. He thought because they had loved ones they’d be just fine, but he hadn’t considered the cost to their pride. Their manhood. Shit. He pressed his fingers to the corners of his eyes and shook his head.
“I don’t know, Zeke. I don’t know if I can face her.”
“Do you think she’ll think less of you?”
“I think less of me. Not other soldiers. I look at them and admire their courage. But when I think about facing her, I think about what I’m bringing to the table for her, what I’m offering her.”
“You’re still the same man.”
“Minus a leg.” He knew he sounded like he was whining, and it was the last thing he wanted to do, but hell, it was Amaryllis. “I know what you’re saying, Zeke.” He rubbed his pounding head. He was so damned tired. He just wanted to crawl under the covers and end the entire conversation, wake up and find out it was all a really bad nightmare. “Can you get Nonny for me?”
Ezekiel nodded. “Will do.”
Nonny came into the room smelling of sage and lavender, the way she did in the swamp. She looked the same, beautiful and old and wise, never changing, always to be counted on. He wanted to cry the moment he saw her, and yet at the same time, she gave him tremendous courage. She came right to the side of the bed and took his hand, leaning down to brush his cheek with her thin, dry lips.
“Be strong, son. You’ll need every bit of courage I know you have, to get you and your girl through this, but you’ll do fine because of who you are.” She squeezed his hand.
Her skin felt paper-thin, but she had strength. She took the little stool Ezekiel had brought in close to the bed, and Zeke sank into the chair across the room. Malichai knew his brother was still in protection mode just by the fact that he stayed in the room. He was in the shadows, staying still and quiet, but he was there, just in case.
“Thanks for coming, Nonny. I know how much you love the swamp and the little girls.”
She flashed him a smile. “Mostly miss my pipe. No place out here I can just light up without someone saying it isn’t healthy.”
“That’s true,” he agreed.
“But I’ve got you and Trap’s little twins, and I got to fly in Trap’s jet. Never saw anything like that before. Almost worth giving up the house just to live in that thing.”
He had to smile. Nonny would never give up the home her grandsons had built for her. She loved the swamp. It was a huge sacrifice for her to come to see him, but she’d never admit it.
“You’ve met Amaryllis.”
Nonny nodded. “A wonderful girl and very devoted to you. She’s a stayer. She’s going to be there through the lean times, Malichai, that’s the kind of girl she is. Like Zara and Pepper. Like Cayenne and Bellisia. She’ll stay with you and make a home with you the way I did with my Berengere.” There was love in her voice when she mentioned the name of her husband. “She’s a good woman, but then you boys tend to find you the good ones.”
“Don’t like thinking about her having to deal with this,” he said gruffly and tried glancing down, but couldn’t quite make himself do it.
Nonny’s fingers tightened around his. “If she lost her leg, Malichai, would you stay with her and deal with it? Would you think she was less than who she is?”
“No, but that’s different.”
“Why?”
“I’m a man. I’m supposed to protect her. Have two legs to support her and keep bastards like Whitney from coming at her.”