Uncivilized (Uncivilized 1)

"Because your heart lies elsewhere," he says simply.

I scoff at him and wrench another panel into place. Wiping my sweaty forehead on the sleeve of my shirt, I step away from the longhouse and walk over to a gourd filled with water, taking a deep drink. Looking back at Paraila, whose eyes shine at me, I say, "My heart is here where it belongs, Father. Stop trying to see something that isn't there."

Turning away from Paraila, I grab my machete and stomp off into the jungle to cut some more palm. I need escape from his knowing eyes and his wiser words. I may want to deny what he sees in me, but the truth is, my heart is nowhere but back where Moira is. I'd only been back in Caraica a day before I'd realized I had made the biggest mistake in my life.

Not in returning to Caraica... because that was something I had to do. I had to return and make sure Paraila was okay, and I had to help my tribe avenge our fallen and stolen. No, my mistake was in not telling Moira how I felt. My mistake was in telling her I wasn't coming back. My mistake was in cutting off all ties with the one person in this world that I cared for more than anything. I fucked up big time, and I was now stuck in a situation that I didn't know how to fix. I'm not even sure it is fixable because I think of how easily Moira accepted me telling her it was over. She had turned her back on me and, although tears of sadness were coursing down her face, I also saw that her spine was stiffened with resolve when she walked away. She never looked back at me once.

It was over. For sure. I needed to let it go and figure out a way to harden my heart. This was my life now, and I needed to live it as best I could without having her by my side.

Father Gaul had returned to our village three days later and, surprising to us all, he had the five children with him. They ran to their mothers, tears of joy breaking out in everyone's eyes, including mine. In addition to the kids, he had peace offerings from the Matica that included seeds, flour, and items such as blankets and plastic tarps. The Matica had established trade relations with other tribes as well as river merchants. They were more advanced than we were when it came to using those items to make their lives easier.

Everyone was stunned by the ease with which the Matica had opened up to the possibility of peace. It didn't come without a price though. In exchange, we had to agree to no further raids against them, as well as open up to the idea of marriage contracts with their tribe. This was to help cement a permanent relationship and to help build their numbers. While they were seeking peace with us, they still warred with other tribes and, in addition, we were expected to ally with them.

I was bitter over the terms, still thirsting for the need for vengeance, but the Elders and most of the other tribesman agreed this was the best course of action.

A feast is underway, and the moon is hanging low over our new village. Most of the longhouses are complete, and we are settling in fine. I'm still wearing the clothes I brought with me, and I can't figure out why I haven't forsaken them yet. Many of my tribe mates have teased me over it, but all in good nature.

I think maybe because they make me feel closer to Moira, knowing she bought them for me, and knowing that clothing is part of the culture that I had at one time thought I would become a permanent member of. Much like I tried to cling to my old ways when I first got to the States, here I am clinging to some of the new ways I recently learned.

Movement from the corner of my eyes catches my attention, and Tukaba walks up to me, her eyes lowered to the ground. She holds out a banana leaf filled with meats and fruit.

I take it from her and say, "Thank you."

She starts to turn away, but then turns back. With eyes still lowered, she asks, "Is there anything else you need?"

"No thank you," I tell her with a soft smile. "This is plenty. You should get something to eat."

Dropping to her knees in front of me, she looks me directly in the eye, which is something new, and says, "You haven't touched me since you returned. I am available for your needs."

To my surprise, Tukaba turns her body so her ass is facing me and starts to lower her cheek to the ground.

Her body is still beautiful to me, dark caramel colored with shiny, black hair that now falls forward around her face. Her pussy is bared to me, and I even see it glistening in the moonlight through the patch of pubic hair covering it. My cock doesn't even stir an inch.

Because fucking Moira owns it.

"I'm sorry, Tukaba," I tell her. "Please stand up."

She immediately scrambles to her feet and turns to face me. "I don't understand. You always wanted me before."

"I know," I tell her softly. "But I've changed since I've been gone. There is another I want."

I think in most circumstances, some may consider those words to be cruel, but our society isn't like that. Tukaba had no notions of anything more than being a vessel for my release, as our norms didn't provide for dating and seducing. Women were there for the taking. That was their job. If a man wanted to bring a woman into the marriage fold, he took her there. If not, she was happy with satisfying the other tribe members.

It was really very simple.

So much more simple than what I left behind with Moira. That was utterly complex, confusing, and overwhelming. And I missed those feelings terribly.

Tukaba gives me an understanding, if not accepting, smile, and then walks away from me. I watch her for a moment, and then look down at the food in my hands. Picking up a piece of roasted wild pig, I plop it in my mouth and chew on it thoughtfully. I look around the village and see that everyone is happy. Happy to have their sons and daughters back, and happy they won't be losing any more lives to the Matica. They are fulfilled, and I realize with sudden clarity, that fulfills me as well.

Fulfills me as much as possible because there's still a gaping hole in my heart that unfortunately, can only be filled by one woman.

"I see you spurned Tukaba's advances again," Paraila says as he sits in the dirt beside me.

I ignore his comment and nod toward his shoulder. "How is it feeling?"

"It aches, but nothing I can't handle. This old man has a lot of years left in him."

We're silent as we sit and listen to the women singing. I shove the banana leaf filled with food toward him, and Paraila takes some of the fruit and chews on it.

"When are you going back?" he asks me, sage wisdom and surety in his words.

I turn to him in surprise, and he just stares at me knowingly. He gives me a smile filled with happiness and understanding.

"As soon as possible," I say, not even knowing myself that I had made the decision to go back to Moira until he just asked. It seems that Paraila is always one step ahead of me.

"So, tell me about her," he prods.

"What makes you think it's a woman?" I ask mischievously.

Paraila snorts and says, "Because I know you, my son. I know you."

We share my food by the fire, and I tell Paraila all about Moira. I tell him all the reasons why I have to follow my heart, and I tell him how much I am going to miss him and my family here. We talk long into the night because it's our last one together.

I'm leaving in the morning... back to civilization. Back to Moira.

Chapter 30

Moira

I'm so exhausted that I doubt I'll make it to my room to collapse on my bed. Yes... my couch would do just fine if I can make the few steps there. If not, the floor is fine too. I want to do nothing but sink down into sleep and not return for maybe...oh, say four or five years.

The cab has just dropped me off at my house. I heft my backpack up and open my mailbox to see if there's anything in there. Kelly had agreed to check it every few days, and she must have come today because it's empty.

My trip to Caraica was an absolute waste of time. Once I finally got over my sadness and grief, I realized that Lisa was right. The unknown was killing me, and I had to make the journey to make sure Zach was safe.

Except I couldn't find him. The guide I had hired after my charter flight ended said he knew exactly where the Caraican village was. We made it in a day and a half of hard river paddling and hiking, just a total of four and a half days after I left the States.

When we emerged into the clearing, I was stunned to see it deserted. My heart was slamming against my ribs as I looked at the charred remains of the longhouses and the crops overgrown with weeds.

I had no clue where the tribe went... or even if they existed. Fear permeated every cell in my body as I considered the worst possible scenario. That they had all been slaughtered in a revenge raid.

But that didn't make sense either. Only the men would have raided, leaving the women and some men behind for protection. So where were they?

My guide agreed to stay the night in the abandoned village while I tried to figure out my next move. Sadly, I had no options. I clearly couldn't go poking around the Amazon, trying to find Zach. It was 2.7 million square miles in size, and it would take me ten lifetimes to scour it in search of him.

The next morning I decided my best course of action was to make my way back to the small river town where my charter flight had landed and see if I could find out any information.