Yield (Cal and Macy's Story 3)

I pause, pull her in closer. My gaze delves in to hers, and I hope she sees the brutal honesty deep within. I hope she understands me when I say, "You've done a damn fine job of surviving the atrocities laid on your doorstep. You've shown strength and resilience in spades. Every one of those women you counsel at The Faith Mission should hold you up on the highest pedestal as a role model. But Macy... baby... your life isn't about just merely enduring anymore. It's changed. You've changed. You've left survival far behind, and your life now is about thriving. You're just failing to see that because all you see are the immediate obstacles in your path."

She smiles at me... gently. "That's lovely, Cal. But the obstacle currently in my path is a man that is threatening to kill you if you don't stop pursuing him. If I'm with you, you won't ever give that up, and he knows it. I'm afraid it's going to end badly for you. For me. And I just can't live with myself if you're hurt."

"I'm not going to get--"

She cuts me off with pain-laced words. "I'm not a complete woman."

"What?"

"I'm damaged in more ways than you can ever know."

"I'm not following--"

"I can't have children," she blurts out, giving me an apologetic look. "When Dr. Coppens... when he..."

She stutters... fumbles for the right words. I want to clap my hands over my ears, before she rights herself, but then it's all laid out before me. The entire truth to Macy's nightmare.

"My parents had Dr. Coppens sterilize me," she says with a cracking voice.

"They what?" I whisper in horror, but I heard what she just said. It's just so unbelievably unbelievable that I can't comprehend the heinous nature of what they did.

"I can't have children. Coppens did a tubal ligation," she says... a little unsure of herself.

"Can't that be reversed?" I ask, because it seems to me maybe I read that somewhere.

She shakes her head. "It's improbable. I've had my doctor look into it, and apparently Coppens cauterized my fallopian tubes, which is very hard to reverse."

"But it still potentially could be done," I press.

"Listen to me, Cal... this is just another reason why you need to leave me far behind. You're a man who wants a family and children, and you deserve that."

"When?" I ask.

Her brows draw down in confusion. "When what?"

"When did you have a doctor check?"

She hesitates... cuts her gaze to the side.

"Since you started seeing me?" I push at her.

She nods, and I let out a breath of relief. Joy and ecstasy fill me up, because that means Macy thought about having children.

With me.

I take her by the shoulders again. "We're getting sidetracked. We can get another doctor to check you out, and hell... another after that. But if you can't get pregnant, we'll deal with it. We can think about in vitro or adoption. Plenty of ways to have kids nowadays."

Macy gives me a grateful smile, but it's also filled with regret and longing. She stands on tiptoes, kissing my lips. "Thank you for saying that, but I'm not changing my mind. I'm bad for you in so many ways that I'm still cutting you loose."

"You don't mean that."

"You're my favorite person in the world," she whispers as she pulls away from me. "And if the only way to keep you in this world is to let you go, that's what I'm doing."

"No," I deny her, even as I realize I think she just said she loves me without actually saying it.

Macy rubs the back of her neck and sighs wearily. "Listen... give me a few days to think. A few days to keep you safe. And then, maybe, we can talk about it again."

It's the best concession I know I'll get from her, and I'm pretty sure she's lying. Once I walk out that door, I bet she's not going to open it back up.

My phone starts ringing and I pull it out of my pocket, a burst of excitement whirring through me when I see Keith is calling.

"You get anything?" I ask as soon as I connect the call.

"Pay dirt," he says, and then qualifies it. "I think. Housekeeper was very vague with me. Said she knows that Coppens did horrible things down in that basement. Did horrible things to a lot of young girls."

"That's all she would say?" I ask, frustrated beyond measure.

"No. She said the details would get clearer for the right amount of money. And by details, she said she knew the names of all the powerful

men that used Dr. Coppens' services."

I grit my teeth. "And how much would that be?"

"Ninety-five hundred euro," Keith says matter-of-factly.

"Fuck," I mutter, but then I glance at Macy. Staring at me with worry, nibbling on her fingernail. Scared, fucked-up, beautiful Macy.

"Do it," I tell Keith. "Transfer the money and then call me back with what she knows."

Chapter 21

From the Diary of Macy Carrington:

Dear Diary,

Someone very dear to me told me something interesting today.

To paraphrase, he said that my life isn't merely about just surviving anymore... the way that I have been. He said my life has changed. That I need to learn to thrive.

Inside, I immediately denied that sentiment.

But now he's been gone for a few hours, and I can't seem to let it go. I keep thinking over and over again what a life it would be if I could thrive... flourish. How happy would I be if I prospered?

Cal says it's within my reach, but I also heard loud and clear what he didn't say.

I'm a coward.

I'm afraid to grab on to it.

I'll think on it some more.

Love,

Macy

Chapter 22

From the Diary of Macy Carrington:

Dear Diary,

I couldn't get to sleep last night. Everything Cal said to me kept reverberating through my head. Everything Cal did to me kept reverberating through my body.

Finally, I think I dozed off around three AM and must have been struck immediately with a dream. In it, I was walking down a long corridor. It was dark and shadowy. There was something ominous lurking. Waiting.

At the end of the hallway, I saw Cal. He stood in a swath of light and held his hand out to me. He encouraged me to run toward him. I begged him to come get me.

I couldn't move. I was frozen with fear. I knew the only way I'd be saved is if Cal braved the dark corridor to get me.

But when he took a step toward me, the fear of what would happen to him almost knocked me to my knees. I broke out in a cold sweat, and I thought I might vomit. My heart was hammering so hard I became lightheaded.

He took another step toward me, and I screamed at him to stop.