Beyond Me (Quinn and James 1)

I fisted my hands and asked the question I dreaded. "Was he abusive?"

She looked surprised, then laughed. "Oh God, no. Dad was an emotional drunk. Got sloppy, fell down, cried over Mom. Begged my forgiveness. Maybe that's why it seemed even harder. He was always so sorry and swore to never do it again. I just kept believing him, until I stopped questioning his excuses. I kept the secret and helped him function. Classic codependence."

"What happened when you got older?"

She remained still, as if images played on a screen before her. "Things got worse. We had little money since he couldn't keep a job. Unemployment ran out. I worked on the side, but with school I was limited. Then he started having me apply for credit cards. We'd get these preapproved offers in the mail in my name, and I filled out every one. Do you know at eighteen years old I had almost fifteen thousand dollars in credit? And I was wiped out at nineteen because he'd used up everything but begged for more."

I reached out and snagged her hand. Squeezed. She seemed startled out of her reflections, and my heart split at the sight of her face. She was beyond beautiful. She was strong and brave. "You had nobody to help you?" I asked.

"No. But I reached rock bottom along with him. Broke and dead tired. Trying to keep everything together was killing me. I reached out to Al-Anon and for me, everything changed. I realized I couldn't protect him from himself, that I was actually helping him drink. I met people involved in the program--people like me, and I confronted him. Had an intervention and moved out."

"What happened?"

"He fell apart. Begged me to help. I refused. That was the hardest part, realizing he had to do it himself. Had to want to stop the cycle. Eventually, he went to rehab, and he's been sober now for almost a year."

"And you? How are you?"

A ghost of a smile touched her lips. "Better. Paying off my debt. I love my jobs because my work helps people, and it makes sense. I take it day by day a lot, just like my dad. He's making amends and seems happy. That's all I ever wanted. For us to be okay and happy."

Isn't that what I searched for day-to-day, too? To be at peace with my emotions that always seemed to torment, reminding me I was nothing in a world of everything? The pain clawed for daylight, but I struck it back down and locked it up. Quinn was beyond me. She owned character and had no one helping her. I had a pot full of money, opportunities everywhere, and I still failed.

The shame was bitter and almost choked me. I raised her palm to my lips and kissed her fingers. "You amaze me. The people at those centers are lucky to have you." I kept my gaze firmly averted so she couldn't find out the truth too soon, and lifted her legs to slide out. "I better check the route. Be right back."

I hid behind the sails, confirmed our direction, and wondered if I'd ever be worthy of someone like her--or anyone, for that matter.

HE MOVED like a dancer around the boat, his hands deft and capable on the riggings and manipulating the pathway so it seemed he was in control of the actual wind. Odd, I shared more with him than I ever had with another guy. It just seemed right, as if secrets on the water would drift away until I felt clean. But there was something in his eyes that made me feel he hid something. Like it was okay for me to share, but not him.

I sighed and took a sip of Coke. I could've killed myself for asking about other women. I mean, how lame was that? Like he was going to say, "No, there was no one else before you." I wanted to take it back so bad, but when he told me he hadn't taken out another woman, I actually believed him. I don't know why it was important, but it was. It should be about sex and nothing else, but my damn emotions always got a bit involved, and I needed to feel safe.

No wonder Mackenzie always yelled at me.

The catamaran slid into shore and James docked the boat in a tiny space that seemed to be created just for us. I looked around, but there was no one else on the mini island retreat. He took a while to get set up, and then he faced me with a big smile on his face. "Welcome to my own private island."

Huh? My mouth fell open. "You're kidding me."

"Yes." He tugged my ponytail again and laughed. "Sorry, I couldn't help it. Let's just say not many people come out here, and I grease a few palms of the main sightseeing crews to keep it that way. It's safe to do some swimming, and I brought a picnic. It's just us."

Excitement shimmered and danced on my nerve endings. He loomed over me, tall and gorgeous, those curls blowing in the wind, smelling of sea, and salt, and man. "Sounds good."

"Let's get set up." He grabbed my bag, a basket, some towels, and a bottle of champagne. We stepped out onto the tiny ridge and made our way to the main piece of the island. It was mostly rock, with a large strip of sand, so we settled ourselves right in the center. As he unpacked, I investigated the space. Surrounded by jagged rocks, the water rushed on the surf and left behind an array of broken shells. I walked around the edges, tracing the lines, and stared out at the vast expanse of water and sky before me.

"We're inside the barrier reef," he said from behind me. "Completely safe. Good for snorkeling too, if you're interested. I brought the equipment."

I adjusted my sunglasses to avoid the glare and looked up. "I'm not huge into water sports, but I may give it a try. This is beautiful. I feel like we're alone in the world."

"Yeah, problems get more manageable when you're around nature. It's a reminder there's something bigger than you, and somehow, everything works out."

His words startled me. He liked to play at being the drop out-spoiled-rich kid, but his words haunted me like poetry. Way more sophisticated than the usual twenty-something guy. There was a lot more underneath the surface I was dying to unearth. "I'm starving," I moaned.

"Good. 'Cause you'll need your energy."

The sexual spark zinged between us and stole my breath. His blue eyes darkened as if he knew exactly what I was feeling, but he only led me back to the blanket that was spread out. The food was simple, just like I enjoyed. Roast beef sandwiches, salad, strawberries, and champagne. He uncorked the bottle and the pleasant pop made me laugh, especially when the liquid bubbled and spilled on top of him. He filled up two plastic flutes and tapped his glass to mine.

"To the day."

I smiled. "To the day." I sipped and purred with enjoyment. I loved champagne, but only drank it on New Year's Eve. Always seemed too decadent. I slipped off my Keds and dug my toes in the sand.

"Were your friends okay with you coming to meet me today?" he asked, biting into his sandwich.

"Yeah, I spoke with them this morning. Mackenzie won't let us hang out together. Says we'll never meet anybody new. She's trying to get Cassie and me out of our comfort zones."

He frowned. "She looked so familiar. The one with the hat, right?"

I hesitated, but I was already too far gone and trusted him enough to keep our secret. "Yeah. Country music star."

He snapped his fingers. "That's it! Been driving me crazy. Damn, how'd you get to be friends with Mackenzie Forbes? She's been in the public eye since she was young."

"She goes to Chicago State. Cassie and I met her in English 101. I don't know, we just clicked. I'd trust her with my life, and she's looking for some normalcy away from the country circuit." I stared at him. "You won't tell anyone, right?"

James shook his head. "No, I promise to keep it quiet."

"Thanks. She doesn't need the paparazzi ruining her vacation. How about your friends? Have you known those guys long?"

"I'm probably the closest to Rich and Adam. We travel in the same circles. Our parents know each other; we went to the fancy schools and country clubs and tennis lessons together. Weird, you think the world is big, but when you're growing up, it's pretty damn small. I only met kids my parents approved of. I didn't know most of the other people. They're all casual acquaintances who like my money and stuff."

He stated the words like it was no big deal, but I knew it was. How must it feel to have everything given to you and still not be happy? Because that's how he struck me, as if h

e had to apologize for his lifestyle all the time. It was a different way to look at it. I'd longed for money many times, but never thought of the way it could take away your freedom. I always believed it gave more options and choices. Evidently, not for James. At least, not in the past.

"What about now? You're over twenty-one. You can make your own way now, right?"

"Sure. I do what I want, when I want. I have the perfect life."

Lie. He refused to look at me. My stomach clenched with the need to make him face me, but he definitely didn't want to have a heart-to-heart. Whatever. This was about sex, not confessions. In a few days, I'd be back on a plane to Chicago and he'd be only a memory. I needed to make sure it was a good one.

"Sorry," I muttered. "See? I get pushy. Issues."

His face softened and a smile tugged at his lips. God, when he smiled my insides melted like goo and an ache twitched between my thighs. "I like that about you. You look cool and collected on the surface, but there's this fire when you look deeper."

"So you're saying I'm hot?"

He laughed and so did I. "Hell, yeah," he said softly. "Hotter than Hades, baby."

I refused to blush and concentrated on cleaning up the remains of our lunch. We repacked the basket, and left out the champagne. "What's next?" I blurted out.

A wolfish grin transformed his mouth. Fascinated, I watched as he grabbed the neckline of my tank and tugged me toward him. His gaze focused on my mouth, and I had the urge to bite my lip, which was so fucking cliche I hated it, but it was a childhood habit I'd never gotten over.

"The only thing left to do," he drawled. "Strip."

THE LAUGHTER died in my throat. Her eyes widened and a shocked gasp dropped from her lips, but the sudden image of Quinn naked in front of me wiped out the joke. My voice felt rusty. "We're gonna swim, right?"