Beyond Me (Quinn and James 1)

"Don't you get it?" His voice shook. "You're too good for me, Quinn. Soon you're going to see it and leave. And I'll be the one left behind."

Shock held me immobile, but he didn't wait for me to process. He slammed his mouth over mine in a fierce kiss. His grip gentled and he hoisted me up. I groaned and opened my mouth to his thrusting tongue, wrapping my legs tight around his hips as he ripped off my robe. I speared my fingers into his hair and pulled hard, and with a rough curse, he walked me a few steps until my back slammed against the wall. Our mouths drank hungrily from each other, biting, sucking, like two animals crazed to mate, and he must've grabbed a condom from his pocket, because I was suddenly sinking on top of him and he filled me completely.

"Ahhh!" A cry ripped from my mouth. His cock was huge and thick, piercing right through my body and filling it up, until there was no space or thought or safe place from him. He held my hips and roughly guided me up and down, my head scraping the wall, my teeth biting deep into my lower lip and drawing blood. The sensations cut and wracked through my body like knives shredding flesh, and the pleasure became so fierce it was almost pain. My pussy clenched tight, and then I was coming, coming so hard and fast I thought I'd die with the agony of such release, and he was shouting my name and coming with me.

He didn't let go, holding me tight, kissing me gently and caressing my cheeks, telling me I was beautiful and magnificent and that I was everything.

And I knew something had changed. A portal had opened within my soul, and it was all for him, for as long as he wanted me. And I knew I was stupid for thinking we could work out, but I didn't care, so I held him tight and let him care for me, and pretended this was forever.

Tuesday

I MADE my way into the dining room, trying hard to walk normally, even though my muscles ached. Of course, this workout was tons better than any treadmill, and I couldn't wait to do it again. James had dropped me off at the hotel late last night, and we made plans to sightsee today.

I scanned the crowd for my tribe and spotted them in the back booth. Mac's sunhat took up half the table with the elaborate brim, so I slid next to Cassie. Hmm, she looked tired, her gray eyes a bit too serious this morning, and not sporting the afterglow of someone who'd had great sex. Mac looked like her usual vivacious self. Maybe she scored with her hottie tattoo guy.

I wondered if my crew would notice I finally had an orgasm. I felt different. Did I look different? Oh God, I was so lame.

"You sure about that?" Mac asked.

I picked up the conversation and the menu. "Sure about what?"

"Cassie's fallen in love," Mac announced.

"Oh. Good for her." Did I want an omelets or pancakes?

"No, not good! He has another girlfriend."

"Bastard." I turned to Cassie. "What are you doing messing around with a guy who belongs to someone else?"

"I'm not messing around with him! I can't even get him to kiss me, let alone do anything more." Oh. Well, I couldn't get mad at her for that. "So, not a problem then." Yep, definitely carbs this morning. I deserved them.

Mackenzie gave a long, dramatic sigh. "Problem. This was supposed to be a relaxing vacation. Nobody was supposed to fall in love."

"I'm not in love!" Cassie hissed.

"I don't think you can decide that kind of thing ahead of time," I pointed out. "Especially not for someone else." After all, I didn't know what was going on with James, but I'd never experienced such a strong connection before. I was done judging other people. "I think I'll have pancakes. With blueberries."

"Do they have cheese grits here?" Mackenzie grabbed for the menu. "How about biscuits and gravy? And sweet tea?"

Grits. Yuck.

"This is the South. I wouldn't be surprised," Cassie said. "Just as long as there's orange juice, I'll be happy."

"It's Florida," I said. "There'll be orange juice." I leaned back and got the rest of the dirty lowdown on Cassie and the guy she was attracted to but had a girlfriend. Damn, I wanted her to be able to enjoy herself and let go a little. We were alike, and found it harder to party and leave behind our worries. I urged her to find another guy to take his place, but she didn't seem too thrilled with the promise. Maybe James had someone I could introduce her to. Nah, I didn't care for his friends and wouldn't trust them with Cassie. Especially since she seemed extra paranoid about going around with strangers, citing date rape and all sorts of scary things. I had to remind them all again of their pinky promises to watch our drinks carefully. When I was finally satisfied, I settled into blueberry-and-carb bliss.

Hot tattoo guy was named Austin, and worked as a bartender at Captain Crow's. Mac seemed pretty into him, but when I waited for the big reveal, she only said he'd let it slip that he knew who she was.

"Your turn, Quinn," Mac demanded, shoveling grits into her mouth. For someone so damn skinny, she had a crazy appetite. "What happened with Ivy League Dude? Cassie said he followed you out of the bar and you gave him another chance."

I wondered how much to spill. Who would've thought serious, shy little old me would be getting some before everyone else? I chewed frantically at my lip and tried to decide. Of course, I kept nothing from my best friends, so I found the words tumbling out of my mouth before I could snap them back.

"We went sailing yesterday. I had an orgasm."

Mac spit out her grits and choked. Cassie's eyes widened with admiration. I blushed.

"Woot! That's my girl!" She high-fived me in the booth and glowed with satisfaction. "Was it amazing?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "It was. Now I know what the fuss is all about."

Mac pointed her fork across the table. "Remember, no love shit. Just sex."

Cassie groaned. "What a nightmare. I'm not in love!"

I shot her a sympathetic look. When Mac got on a tear, it was all over. "Sorry, Cass. Of course, the sex is off the charts, but he's completely opposite of anyone I imagined myself with. He flunked out of a bunch of Ivy League schools, has a ton of money, and spends his time throwing parties and travelling the world."

Guilt nipped at my nerves. All of it was true, but I wasn't telling my friends the real stuff. Like how he held me tight, and stroked my hair, and whispered how beautiful I was. How he opened up and admitted there was something between us. How he showed his hurt and loneliness from not having parents or family who gave a crap. I opened my mouth to defend him, but Mac was already talking.

"Who cares? We're here a week, as long as the sex is good and you like him, that's all you need. Anything else is a major complication, and you have enough of those at home, Quinn."

"Yeah. I guess." She was right. I needed to enjoy every moment but try to keep my heart locked up. Falling for James would be a mistake that would get me nowhere but a lot of pain. I spent the rest of the time chatting with Mac. I couldn't help the worry that cut through me. If anyone realized she was America's country sweetheart, we'd be outed and stuck with public scrutiny. Exactly what we all didn't need. Cassie looked even more freaked out than me.

"That's not good, Mac. What if he tells someone, or sells the story of you two?"

Mac shook my head. "He won't."

My brow furrowed. Mac had great instincts, so if she trusted him, I probably would. "You're sure?" I asked.

Mac shrugged. "If he was going to sell me out, don't you think the pap would be here right now, snapping pics of me?"

I peeked over her shoulder to check. Cassie stood up and searched the crowd, holding her hand over her eyes like a sun visor. "Just because he didn't yet doesn't mean he won't, you know."

Mac raised her chin in pure stubbornness. "It's a risk I'm willing to take. I'm so freaking sick of being scared to live. I can't do it anymore. I won't. He might sell me out, but he might not. And I'm willing to take that chance, for the first time in a long time."

I reached out and squeezed her hand. "And if he turns out to be a jerk, we'll kick his ass for you. Right, Cass?"

"Right." Cassie cleared her throat. "No matter what,

we're here for you."

Mac smiled and seemed to relax. The warmth of our friendship flowed over me, and I wondered again how I'd gotten so lucky. They were like my sisters, and I could always count on them. Again, my thoughts flashed to James. What would it be like to have no one in your life you could trust? Talk to? Laugh with?

Mac sniffed. "I know. And I love you."

I decided to break up the serious tone, so I twisted my face and dropped into my best Southern accent. "Now, now. Let's not go getting all mushy and lovey-dovey. This is a vacation. It ain't nothing but fun and games."

Mac laughed. "Please. I don't even talk like that anymore. I stopped when I became famous because my agent didn't want me to be typecast as the little Southern girl."

"Yeah, but it's still fun to do," I said with a grin.

Cassie nodded. "It really is."

We finished eating and discussed where we'd split up for the day. Mac's final words were like a promise and a threat, wrapping me up in a flurry of emotion I couldn't seem to untangle.

"By the time this vacation is over, none of us will be the same. It's going to be legendary. You both just have to make sure you live it to its fullest, like I am. Promise me."

Cassie looked doubtful, but I nodded in agreement. After all, I had gone too far to turn back now.