Searching for Beautiful (Searching For 3)

She relaxed a bit. He didn't seem in a rush to try and get her back. Maybe now that she'd quit the hospital he realized it was truly over. "I agree."

"I'll drop by tonight with your computer and some other things. You can make arrangements to get the rest when I'm out of the apartment."

"Oh, no need, I can wait."

His tone held disapproval. "Your computer has personal files. Since you've left the hospital, you need to make arrangements, and I don't want to be responsible. I'll be there around seven."

"I have a dinner appointment."

"Then six. I won't stay. I'm not in the mood to drag this on any more than you are. Agreed?"

There was no reason not to. He was being reasonable and wanted to return her items. "Yes."

"Very well. I'll see you tonight."

Gen tried to get back to work but depression settled in. She was so . . . sad. To be in love and think you knew a man, only to find you had fallen in love with a stranger. Her upswing began to slide. Maybe she didn't need to get back out there. It might be better to lie low for a while.

Arilyn came through the office dressed in black yoga pants, a long skinny shirt, and comfortable clogs. Her hair hung loose and rich, and a tote bag was thrown over her shoulder. "Hey. How's it going today?"

Gen smiled. "Pretty good. I'm acquainting myself with the files on some clients, getting a feel for the computer program, and answering the phone."

"You're doing great. I have a manual I created that I think can help. I'll grab it at home."

"I can wait--no need to get it now."

Arilyn sighed. "I have to meet the plumber anyway. Not sure how much more I can take of my rental. Besides leaky ceilings, burst pipes, and barely any heat last winter, now my electric is on the fritz."

Gen raised a brow. "What about your landlord? That's illegal."

"He's useless. I leave messages, but he's out of state, so he rarely gets back to me. He's desperate to sell. I may have to move, but it needs to be a place that takes dogs."

"I'm sorry. I'll start asking around."

"Thanks. I'll drop the manual by after my yoga class."

"Umm, how is yoga going, A? With . . . him."

A shadow crossed her features. "We're having some growth spurts. But he's committed to me this time, and I'm sure we'll work it out. It's difficult when so many students develop a crush and he feels he needs to give them part of himself as a teacher. Lines get blurred. He's truly an amazement."

The affair with her yoga teacher had been going off and on for a while. Gen didn't know the full story, but from her friend's expression, endless defensiveness, and refusal to use her lover's first name because of the need to hide their relationship, Gen didn't have a warm, fuzzy feeling. The last time Arilyn caught him cheating, she changed. Her calm center scattered, and she couldn't focus. Kate had threatened to show him the true meaning of yoga by beating the hell out of him, but after a week they'd gotten back together and Arilyn defended him wholeheartedly.

Not a good scenario.

But since Gen had run out on her wedding, she had no judgment. "I'm glad," she said. "You deserve happiness."

Arilyn smiled. "And so do you. How are you holding up?"

Gen sighed. "David's coming over with some of my stuff tonight. I was in a good mood today, but it suddenly hit me that I really screwed things up. I can't believe I spent two years in a relationship with a man I loved and I didn't see what was really going on. I wonder if I can trust my instincts after all."

"Your instinct told you not to marry him. Strong, independent women are the most vulnerable to abuse. We like giving up control once in a while, and we want to be protected and cherished in certain ways. Many times the lines are blurred, and love clouds our vision. Don't be hard on yourself. We're all here to make mistakes, but you'll find your way."

"Maybe I shouldn't use Kinnections after all. I'm not ready."

Arilyn raised a brow. "Usually I'd recommend space to heal, but I think dating would be a good thing. You need some confidence. It takes a few weeks to get matched properly anyway. Sometimes the promise of something new and fresh gives you a whole new outlook."

"Maybe."

Arilyn floated toward the door. "Think about it. Kate and Kennedy are in their offices if you need anything. See you later."

"Bye."

Gen slumped back in her chair and picked at a nail. Lots of ups and downs lately, like she was trapped on an emotional roller coaster. A part of her missed the organized chaos of the hospital, the meaning behind every motion and every thought. The other part was relieved she didn't have to think for anyone else anymore.

Gen turned back to her computer and threw herself into the search for love for other people.

fourteen

COMING!"

The second knock owned the impatient tone of a man not used to waiting. Gen hopped on one foot, pulling on a pair of silver ballet flats, then stumbled to the door.

David's gaze flicked over her outfit, subtly assessing. She fought the urge to squirm and wait for verbal approval. How many times had she come out of the bedroom and been greeted by a shake of his head, asking her to change? His consistent opinions on the type of clothes a successful surgeon's wife wore made her self-conscious, until she got in the habit of having him lay out the items he wanted to see on her.

She tugged nervously at the dandelion silk jersey, swallowed, and stepped back. "Come in."

He strode inside with an aura of entitlement. "You're looking extremely . . . bright." She stiffened but refused to answer. "Back to the cottage, huh? I'd hoped the time we spent together would have benefited your taste a bit."

"I like my place. Where's my computer?"

"In the car." He was still dressed in his scrubs, cutting a suave picture of the ultimate professional. Slight stubble darkened his jaw. He kept a razor handy wherever he went, so she was a bit surprised he hadn't stopped to clean up. David despised being seen as unprepared. Said it was a surgeon's job to instill trust at first glance.

A pang hit her. He was so beautiful, yet cold. Like a statue to admire, dream about, but never truly own. Gen turned, trying to blink away the sudden tears over the loss of someone she'd never really had.

"I can get it. I'll be happy to come over Sunday during your normal shift to get the rest of my things."

"In a hurry?" he drawled, walking in front of her.

Gen drew herself to full height, which was pathetic, and tried to look composed. "I have dinner plans."

"So you've said. Not till seven though."

"I'd rath

er we be done with this episode."

He lifted a brow. "You're acting like a sulky child. Don't act entitled to anything. You walked away and humiliated me on my wedding day. The woman I held in my arms and made plans with for a future would've never hurt me so deeply."

She winced. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I can keep telling you that forever, but you're not understanding the real problem. I panicked. I felt as if you never heard me, no matter what I did. You told me what to wear, eat, and say. How to act. Who to see. It was smothering."

He twisted his lips in a bitter sneer. "Is that the problem? 'Independent woman, hear me roar'? I tried to care for you, give you what you need. And you repay me by acting like a slut and throwing it in my face?"

Her heart pounded. She hated this part of him, the one who scared her in a gut-level way she never understood. Starting to step around him, Gen tried to keep her calm. "Let's not redo this scene. I'll just get my computer and we'll call it a night."

He shoved her back so fast and so hard she toppled onto the couch. Shock held her immobile for a moment. "We're not done. Not by a long shot. I listened to you talk and bitch when I gave you everything. You think you can run off for some dirty affair without consequences? I think you've been playing both of us for a long time."

She jumped up and glanced toward the phone. The ugliness in his gaze caused sweat to collect under her arms. She tried to keep breathing, not sure what to do. Once, she'd swear David would never have laid a finger on her or try to hurt her. But right now, she saw a stranger who'd never shared her bed or her life. And it scared the hell out of her.

"I'm listening."

Once again he moved like a bullet, locking his grip around her arm and throwing her against the wall. She hit her back hard, tried to scramble for balance, but he'd already pressed his body and grasped her wrists in a cruel grip. His breath struck her face. Rage glittered in his bright green eyes.

"Don't patronize me, Genevieve. Do you give it better to Wolfe than you did to me? Because I'll tell you, after the first few weeks you became a true disappointment."

She tried to jerk up her knee and twist out of his grip, but he held her with an iron strength. The words got stuck in her throat as she gasped for oxygen and sanity. "Don't. Just leave, please."