So much hurt and betrayal, as if they were living through their father's alcoholic spiral all over again. When her father finally threw her out, yanking all privileges to visit in a symbol of tough love, Izzy swore never to return.
She'd been clean for a while now, but something was different. Usually her razor-sharp wit, sarcasm, and raw energy shimmered around her. Today, she looked . . . reserved. Troubled. Her pitch-black hair with purple streaks was pinned up from her face. She'd gone easy on the makeup, allowing the same freckles Gen sported to pop through. Navy blue eyes that matched her own were clear but held a weariness she hadn't seen before.
The rest of the family seemed frozen, caught between surprise and worry that her good behavior was a mirage.
Wolfe broke the silence and stepped forward. "Izzy, it's good to see you. Hope you didn't want any antipasti. We pretty much annihilated it."
Was that relief that flickered across her face? A half smile curved her lips, which were a natural pink rather than bloodred. She wore jeans and a simple black T-shirt, baring two of her tats. Sneakers instead of spiked metal heels were on her feet. "Gen always hoarded the pepperoni anyway."
Joy surged through her, and not caring how uncool or how much her twin hated it, she launched herself for a tackle hug. "I'm so happy you're here!"
Izzy laughed and hugged her back. Red tinged her cheeks. "Me, too."
They both turned at Maria's voice, slightly husky from emotion. "My beautiful girls are here to dine with us. Today is a gift."
Jim cleared his throat. "Perfect timing, sweetheart. Let's go dig in."
Dinner was idyllic. Izzy was quiet, but smiled more often. Her usual snarky comebacks were nonexistent. Gen noted her gaze consistently darted around the table, as if studying everyone's mood. Did she have some type of announcement to make? Better to play it cool and let her sister open up when she felt comfortable. The idea of having a real relationship with her again made her heart ache with need. All those late nights giggling and sharing secrets. The way Izzy protected her from the bullies at school who made fun of them for looking alike. Crying together over the loss of their father, and holding hands under the table during the bitter fights between their parents. So many memories tumbling past her vision, and an ache she'd never been able to get over. As if a piece of her was always missing.
So she enjoyed her sister's presence, drinking her in, and let the warm glow of family wash over her. Wolfe was comfortable with everyone but her father, so he got involved in the playful banter without hesitation.
God, she loved him.
Gen ducked her head and concentrated on her plate. How easy the admission was. No fanfare or drama. Just a quiet knowledge that all roads had led to Wolfe. All the pain, and growth, regrets of the past meant nothing now. In fact, the present was even sweeter for having found him on her own. Their timing had never been right before.
Until now. She had a chance. The plan was simple. Let him lead, follow Arilyn's advice, and let the moment rule. One day he might just look up and realize he loved her, too. Realize it wasn't that scary, and that he could finally trust her with his past.
"You look really happy."
Gen tilted her head and gazed at her mother. The quiet words and knowing look gave her an approval she couldn't have asked for but received anyway. "I am," she said.
"Is David bothering you anymore?" Gina asked with concern. "That whole restraining order was really scary."
Gen's father mumbled something under his breath. Wolfe glared at her.
"He delivered all my stuff back," she said. "He's decided to take a position in Boston, so he'll be moving soon."
"Does that mean you're going back to the hospital?" Lance asked.
Her gaze slid past Wolfe, who watched her with a burning intensity. "Maybe."
"Why is it even a question?" Lance demanded. "You're too far into your residency to quit. If seeing David was the main reason, you shouldn't hesitate."
Her family stared, waiting for an answer. She didn't have one yet. She wanted to go back, but this time she refused to let anything or anyone stand in her way. Was she ready to recommit to endless work shifts, a sparse personal life, and the all-consuming resentment of everyone at the hospital? Was she looking at things differently because of her feelings for Wolfe? Gen finally spoke. "I need a little more time, Lance. If I go back, I know what's waiting for me. I love medicine, but it's a grueling schedule and takes everything out of me."
Lance shook his head. "The longer you wait, the harder it will be. I say dive back in. Start on Monday. It's not like you have a personal life or a fiance anymore."
Gina and Maria gasped. "Lancelot, you do not talk like that to your sister!"
"I didn't mean it like that, Mom. I just wanted to point out she has no barriers any longer. I'm sorry, Gen."
Gen waved her hand in the air. "I know what you meant. I'll make my decision soon. I'd appreciate the support without pushing me about it."
Lance tightened his lips but remained silent. Jim glared at Wolfe as if the entire dialogue was completely his fault. And Izzy ducked her head, concentrating on her plate like it held all the answers in the world.
What on earth was going on?
No announcements came at dinner, so Gen decided to take the leap. "Izzy, will you come upstairs with me? To talk?"
Her family took the lead and shooed them away, telling her they'd clean up. They climbed the spiral staircase and went to their old room. As they opened the door, a slight mustiness rolled over them, but much of the room was still the same. Pink walls. Shelves and knickknacks and the same scrolled white furniture. Same mirror with postcards, stickers, and old pictures. The beds had been replaced with one queen-size mattress for guests, but as they sat on the bed, all the years growing up together came surging back.
Izzy sat next to her. "Our room seems like it's been locked in a time capsule. I wonder if that old Playgirl magazine is still in the closet," she commented. "Mr. September."
Gen laughed. "I was such a wreck Mom would find it! Should we check?"
The old wicked grin curved her sister's lips. "Definitely." She dragged a chair over, opened the closet, and reached up high to move one of the ceiling tiles. When they discovered one had broken, they'd kept the hiding spot as the go-to place that Maria would never find. Izzy jumped off the chair, waving a worn, tattered magazine in the air. "Got it!"
"No way. Bring it over."
They squeezed together on the bed, flipping through the pages. Giggles broke through as they commented on their old favorites, groaned over some obscene positions, and reminisced about the good old days. "Every time Mom made us go to church, I'd think about this magazine to get even," Izzy said. "Talk about Catholic guilt."
Gen tugged at her sister's ponytail. "I used to try and come up with good sins for Father Jonas. But when Tim and I fooled around in his car and he got to second base, I refused to share. I remember confessing to God at night in secret, hoping it would be good enough."
Izzy laughed. "I never confessed anything I wasn't truly sorry about," she quipped. "Maybe that's why I never went to confession."
Their gazes met and they burst into laughter. Her throat tightened with emotion. "I missed you," she said softly.
Izzy nodded. Her hand slowly reached out to snag hers. Gen almost held her breath, hoping it was real. "I missed you, too. I--I don't want to talk about the past now. Or how screwed up everything got. I came over tonight because I realized that as bad as things were between us, I wasn't there when you really needed me. After David. I thought you had a picture-perfect relationship, like the rest of your life. I never suspected he was trying to control or hurt you."
"Yeah, I didn't realize it at first either. And by the time I did, I was
also keeping the secret. It happened so gradually. And then it felt too late. We were engaged, and everyone loved him, and I didn't want to disappoint anyone."
Izzy stared at their linked hands. "Funny, huh. You lived your life not wanting to disappoint anyone. I lived mine trying to do it first, so I'd never have expectations to fail. Guess we both made mistakes."
Gen smiled, blinking back the sting of tears. "Yeah, guess so."
"You're sleeping with Wolfe."
Gen jerked back. "H-how did you know?"
Izzy smiled. "I can just tell. He's a good guy. He tried to help me many times but I hated him, too. I was in a bad place for a long time, Gen. I don't want to go back there anymore."
"Then don't."
Her twin squeezed her hand. "I won't. Does Wolfe make you happy?"
"We're just friends with benefits. At least, that's what he thinks."
"You love him."
Gen closed her eyes and surrendered to the beauty of admitting it aloud to one person in the world. "Yeah. I do. Not sure what's going to happen, but that's how I feel."
Izzy gave a long sigh. "Complicated, huh? It's obvious he's crazy about you. Always was. Just be careful. He has a lot of stuff going on inside, and you already got your heart broken once."
Sadness threatened but she beat it back. "I know. I'm not gonna push. Maybe we'll just find our way."
"Maybe."
"Why did you hate him?"
Izzy smiled faintly. Raw pain reflected on her face, but Gen didn't ask questions. Just held her hand. "I didn't really. I think I recognized he got to the other side. I did stuff I'm not proud of. Got a way to go to climb from underneath. Seems I'm always searching for disaster."
"I'm here if you want to talk. I won't judge. Not anymore."
Her sister gazed at her directly. A flash of understanding passed between them. "Thanks. I want us to--" She stopped, dragged in a breath, and tried again. "I want us to have a relationship again. I'm so tired of being angry. Tired of hurting you and everyone I love. I want my sister back."
This time she didn't bother to blink back the tears. She just let them flow. "Me, too."
Gen reached for her, hugging tight, and for the first time in many long years, Izzy hugged back just as tight.