Searching for Beautiful (Searching For 3)

Last night, he'd given her the truth.

Now he needed to give her his heart.

"Wolfe."

He jerked, sloshing coffee over the rim. Setting his feet back on the ground, he mopped up the spill and set the cup on the table beside him. "Sorry. Didn't hear you."

They gazed at each other. Remembering. Her gaze flicked to his wrists, covered by the leather bands once more. He tugged at them, then stilled.

"How do you feel?" she asked softly.

"Good."

"The police called. They found who did it." His brows snapped in a frown. She quickly went over the scenario, and he seemed to accept the explanation. "I told them I'd be flying back tomorrow."

"We can do that. I'll help you repaint."

"I've decided to go back to the hospital."

He nodded, as if trying to keep up. "Good. You deserve to be there. It may be a bit rough at first, but you can handle it. I always knew that."

"Wolfe?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

He flinched. Turned pale. Her heart dropped, but she'd committed to her last stand and damned if she wasn't going all out. How many times had they mentioned love to each other? In friendship, and laughter, and fun? The words had spilled out so easily before, yet today they held a whole new meaning and were stuck deep inside where the memories had been trapped. Refusing to come out.

"Well, we're friends."

She stiffened her spine at the raw hurt. "Not like that. I'll always love you as a friend. But it's more now. I love you as a man. My lover. As my partner."

He jumped back, pressing his back against the balcony. "Why are you doing this now? Let's fly back, get our heads in the game, and see what happens." A nervous laugh escaped. "A lot of shit went down last night and I told you stuff no one knows."

"Do you love me?" His eyes widened. Gen swore he was already calculating the odds of jumping over the balcony rather than face her questions. She closed the distance, forcing him to deal with her. "Because last night meant something more to me. You shared a gift by telling me the truth. But it's more than that. I look into your eyes and see a man I want with my whole heart. I want you in my life as more than my friend. Do you want that, too?"

He swallowed. Stared. Pure fear shone from those bright blue eyes.

And he didn't answer.

Gen stopped inches before him. "I love you," she said again. "Right now. Right here, I need to know how you feel about me. The truth."

The sun beat down bright and hot. The roar of mopeds and heels clicking on the sidewalk rose in the air. He didn't move, didn't blink, standing as still as a statue. Or a victim watching his attacker move in.

Her fingers shook. Her gut clenched in terror. She was losing him, and she didn't know what to do to push him over the edge, make him fight for her, admit his true feelings.

"Please say something," she whispered. "Anything. I can't do this anymore. I'm fighting for both of us, but if you don't give me a sign, something to hope for, I'll--" She struggled to continue, battling the raw emotions that rocked her to the core. Gen grabbed his T-shirt, tugging him forward. The heat between them caught and surged.

"I don't care about your past. I care about your future--with me--but you have to say it. Dammit, Wolfe, say something!"

The silence was deafening.

Her grip loosened. He stared at her, refusing to speak. Gen took a step back, and another, until her back pressed against the door and there was a space between them as large and deep as the Grand Canyon.

It was over.

IT WAS OVER.

He knew it. Sensed what was going to happen when she stepped on the balcony with him. She was so beautiful. Even as he stood dumbstruck, she raised that stubborn chin and challenged him. I love you. Words that struck a chord inside and healed. Word that struck a chord inside and destroyed.

Julietta and Sawyer and Gabby and Mama Conte were different. It wasn't the kind of love that consumed you raw, devoured you whole, and made everything messy and terrifying and bloody. This type of love, this possession to be and give the world to one person, wasn't possible. He'd end up hurting her, because he was damaged. He'd done terrible things. The years of violence on the street. Beating up strangers and ripping away their innocence. Stealing. Being raped by monsters. He wasn't clean, or good enough for someone like her. He didn't trust himself to raise a family, be a healthy spouse and father. What if one day the demons rose again and gobbled him up? She deserved more, and if by not saying the words she needed to hear he could protect her, so be it.

Her own father knew it. Called out the truth right to his face.

Jim knew about the demons and said they'd always come back. He wouldn't let the bastards drag both of them into the pits of hell.

She moved away. Coldness seeped into his chest, familiar numbness wrapping around his organs and dragging him into nothingness.

Say something.

The plea and the tears gleaming in her eyes would haunt him forever.

He opened his mouth.

Her voice shattered and broke like a thousand pieces of fragile glass. "I can't do this anymore."

The door shut.

Wolfe turned away. She was gone. He'd done it. Severed the final ties between them. Maybe, with time, they could go back to friendship. He'd bury his emotions, wait the proper grieving time, and approach her. At least she was safe. Getting her life back on track. Coming into herself again.

He'd wait. For now, he'd tell Sawyer to let her fly home so she could have the time she needed to get over him. He'd return in a few days, lie low, and slowly introduce himself back into her life. With distance. Safely.

As a friend.

Say something.

Wolfe bowed his head and reminded himself he had done the only thing possible.

He'd saved her from himself.

twenty-eight

GENEVIEVE SLID INTO the booth and grinned. Her besties roared with approval and pushed over a margarita with just the right amount of salt rimming the edge. Today was her last day at Kinnections before officially going back to her residency. After a long conversation with Brian about options, a heart-to-heart with some key people at the hospital, and a discussion about Sally's vandalism on her house, Gen felt better prepared. She was a surgeon and it was time to claim her future. There would still be plenty of ghosts to fight, but she was finally ready to take them on.

"I'm gonna miss you guys," she said, lifting her glass. Kate, Arilyn, and Kennedy clinked their glasses together and drank. "I kinda got used to having you around all the time."

Kate lifted a brow. "That's not going to change. I know you're going to be crazy busy, Gen, but I don't want you to ever slip away from us like before. You need balance. You need us."

"Absolutely," Arilyn chimed in. "Life passes too quickly, and though your work is important, it's not everything."

"Hell, when you start getting weird or secretive, we'll just drag you out for a drinkfest," Kennedy informed her.

Gen laughed. "Thanks guys. It's good to be back at Mugs."

They launched into girly chatter about shoes, the latest matches at Kinnections, and wedding plans for Kate. She also noticed Kate's hesitation to discuss any details, and immediately grabbed her friend's hand. "Kate, listen to me. I know things have been uncomfortable with my wedding blowing up. But I'm so happy for you and Slade. Because you showed me the difference between a real love match versus what looks good on paper. Talking about dresses and favors and flowers is fun, and it doesn't make me sad. Understood?"

Kate nodded, and her face relaxed. "I just felt so bad. You're my maid of honor and I didn't want you to regret saying yes to me."

"Never. It's going to be an epic wedding, and standing by your side will make me happy. Now, no more bullshit."

Kate laughed. "Done. Now can someone help me talk my mother out of donating marijuana brownies for the favors?"

Kennedy lifted a brow. "I think I'm about to encourage it."

Arilyn kept oddly quiet throughout the next round of drinks. Finally, Gen leaned in and pitched her voice a bit higher to be heard. "A? What's up? You seem distracted. You okay?"