“I’m not of course,” she said with a drowsy laugh. “I can make myself come.”
He muttered something indistinct.
She smiled.
“What do you think about when you do that?” he asked, his voice rusty.
“Oh no,” she blinked, rousing a little. “If you’re not going to stroke my breasts, I’m not going to stroke your ego.”
“I’m... speechless.” He rolled to lie flat on his back and stare at the ceiling. “How can I sleep now?”
“Have more whiskey.”
“It won’t work.”
“Okay, then tell me your worst secret. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done? That might put me off you.”
She really needed to be put off.
“Worst secret?” He turned his head on the pillow to look at her again.
She liked it when he looked at her. She liked watching his expressive eyes. “Yeah. Have you shared a woman with Logan?” Her brother had inadvertently starred in one of the most popular sex clips on the Internet, surely as his best friend, Rocco must have done something to match?
“No.”
“Cheated?”
“No.”
“Stolen?”
“A soda once from a bar I was working at. I was desperate to stay awake after doing a double shift.”
“That’s it? That’s the worst?” She laughed. The man was a saint. “I’ve done way worse than that.”
“Really?”
“Lots of lies in my quests to escape school.” She clutched the corner of the pillow, tugging it more comfortably under her head.
“I lied once, to get my half brother in trouble,” he said softly.
Oh, that could be serious. “Bad lie?”
“Bad enough.”
“What happened?”
“Got found out of course.” His gaze dropped from hers. “Felt the belt.”
“Bill?”
He nodded.
She’d heard whisperings, second hand rumors about Bill—the man who’d taken over Rocco’s father’s restaurant. She’d been too young to understand the drama at the time, but her heart hurt now. “You must have hated him.”
“Bill yes. My half brothers no. But I lashed out at them.”
Dani bit on the inside of her cheek. “Do you ever see them?”
“No.” His answer was barely audible.
His lashes lifted and he looked directly at her again. His eyes were darker than ever, bottomless wells of some emotion. Disappointment?
She knew it bothered him—he was so still, so silent, it was unnatural.
“Did you see them when you worked there?” he asked, hiding the brewing storm in his eyes by looking down at the bed cover between them.
She swallowed back the big lump that had risen in her throat. “Yeah,” she whispered. She knew those boys, was close in age to them.
“He hit them?”
She hid her wince. Poor Rocco. “Not that I ever saw. They seemed happy.”
The times she’d seen them in the town as kids, they’d seemed okay.
Another long silence.
“What about her? She happy?”
Rocco’s mom? A chill swept over Dani, the kind of nervous cold that she felt before she headed into a major exam and was desperately hoping she wasn’t going to screw it up.
“She asked about you,” she answered softly, then held her breath for his reaction.
For a long moment there was no reaction. She began to wonder if he’d even heard her.
“What did you tell her?” His voice sounded tight.
“Nothing. I hadn’t seen you in ages.” She waited a while longer. “You’ve not seen her recently either?”
He shook his head.
Dani decided to answer the question he’d asked. “She seemed happy I guess. Was busy the few times I saw her. But she asked about you.”
She’d wanted to know about her son.
His lips twisted and he rolled away onto his back again, avoiding her eyes altogether. She saw his chest rise as he drew in a deep breath.
“So you’re not bothered by my meanest moment?” He tried to laugh. “My half-brother was only little and I set him up. You don’t think less of me for that? That was mean shit.”
Dani accepted the change in tack. Fair enough. “I can understand why you did it. At home I acted out to get attention. Only it didn’t work. And it wasn’t worth it.”
“I’m sorry they’re so lousy.” He sighed out another long breath. “Parents, huh?”
“Yeah. People shouldn’t have babies to try to fix broken marriages.”
She’d been the Band-Aid baby. The last ditch effort to make it all better. But she wasn’t anywhere near enough of a bandage to fix that festering wound of a relationship. Her mom had wanted a ‘mini-me’. Someone she could dress up and become as superficially happy and amazing as she was. And her father had expectations no one could live up to.
“I’m glad yours did,” he said, turning back to face her. “You’re here. You’ll get out from this.”
She looked into his eyes. “I’m sorry Bill threw you out. It’s horrible not being wanted.”
“It wasn’t just Bill who threw me out.”
Dani shrank at his bald statement. She wished she could put some balm on that wound.
“It’s not so bad,” he suddenly said, almost smiling. “Lights a fire in your belly.”
Trust Rocco to find a positive in something so wretched.
“Yeah, you went out on your own and succeeded. Proved you didn’t need them.” The things Dani wanted to achieve herself. The guy in front of her wasn’t just successful, he was strong.
“You must think I’m pretty pathetic compared to what you went through,” she realized. “I don’t even have money woes. Not real ones. So I have to study something my dad approves of before I come into my trust fund?” she mocked herself. “Poor me. No wonder I want to run away, it’s just so awful.”
Yeah, she felt stupid. So immature.
He reached out and took her hand in his. “I wouldn’t want you to go through what I went through. Wouldn’t want anyone to go through that. And I don’t blame you for being pissed and wanting to take charge of your life now. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t.” He squeezed her fingers and let her go. “What do you want to do? Like if you could choose to do anything, what would it be?”
Oh lord, he was going all Dr Phil on her. The kind counsellor. The nice guy who’d listen. But she wanted him to talk to her, she liked listening to him. She wanted to make him smile. And for once, telling the truth would do that.
“Don’t laugh at me.” She eyed him sternly.
“Can I smile?” He already was.
And she liked it too much. “No. You’ve got to stay serious, like always.”
“I’m not always serious.” He looked indignant.
“Yes. You are.” About the important things he was serious. She knew she could trust him with her secret dream. His hidden bookcase told her that.
He rubbed his hands over his face and turned his head back towards her, smile erased.
No less gorgeous.
She raised herself onto her elbow and watched his eyes. “I want to work in a library.”
His mouth opened. Closed. Opened again. “You want to be a librarian?”
She nodded.
“For real?”
“Yes.” She sighed and lay her head back down. “Well I’d like to own my own bookstore but I’m not sure how viable that’d be... so library will do. Libraries are fun.” She’d spent a lot of time in libraries during her schooling—escaping the class cows. Escaping into stories and into crafts in a quiet corner. She wanted to help other people enjoy the escape and the community that could be found there.
“But you don’t look anything like a librarian.”
“What does a librarian look like?” She reached out and swatted his arm.
“You know, older, hair in a bun...”
Oh he was tea
sing now. Well she was serious.