Buy Me, Sir

I shouldn’t be here.

My resignation letter is already stuffed in my apron pocket, my legs shaky as I sit beside Sonnie, wondering what the hell we’re all doing in here, summoned at such short notice.

“Health and safety in the workplace,” Janet begins up front. “As per the request of the management.” She looks as flummoxed as we do, and it scares me.

This whole thing scares me.

“Feels off to me,” Sonnie whispers, and shudders for effect. “Not like we don’t have this in the handbook. Maybe some silly cow fried herself on the vacuum cleaner or some shit.”

I can hope.

Oh God, how I hope.

“I hope it doesn’t take long,” I whisper back. “Brutus needs his walk.”

“He ain’t so bad, that mutt,” she says, and it makes me smile through the paranoia.

“He’s a good boy,” I say.

“His owner ain’t so bad, either.” She nudges me. “I saw him yesterday. Little bird might have told him about you.”

Oh fuck how my stomach lurches. “You did what?”

She can’t carry on. Janet calls the room to order and starts talking through her slide deck.

I clutch the letter in my pocket, holding it like a talisman as I stare numbly at the screen. This will be my last time in this building, I swear it. I just need to get out of here unseen. Please God, let me get out of here unseen.

It seems to take forever. Janet’s words blur into one, the screen fading into the background as my thoughts tumble and crash around my stomach.

I’ll grab her when this is over, I’ll hand over my letter and make a dash away from here.

And then I just have to wait until Wednesday. I’ll tell him my real name as soon as I’m through his door.

No more lies. Not ever.

I manage to calm my breathing, counting in to seven, out to eleven as I fret in my seat. The clock keeps ticking. Fifteen minutes, twenty, twenty-five. The slide deck counts up to twenty-six, and we’re almost there when the room ripples. Slide twenty-three. Only two more to go.

I don’t look around at first.

Call it instinct. Call it paranoia in overdrive.

It’s only when Sonnie nudges my elbow that I tear my eyes from the screen.

“There he is,” she whispers. “Ain’t he mighty fine? Look quick, before you miss him.”

The world stops turning. My breath stops coming.

Just like that the cards collapse.

They tumble from the sky, every single one, and my final ace is burning.

My final ace is all gone.

He’s staring right at me as I turn my head to the window.

His father is at his side with a terrible smile on his face, and Alexander looks as horrified as I do.

More horrified than I do.

He shakes his head so slowly, his jaw gritted as he swallows, and his eyes. Oh God, his eyes. His eyes are full of pain. Pain and hate.

Alexander Henley fucking hates me.

And I fucking hate myself.

His father gives me a wave, and he’s laughing. He’s actually laughing as he turns away and grabs Alexander by the elbow.

Alexander doesn’t move for long seconds, just stares in disbelief as I stare right back.

I don’t even hide the tears falling. I don’t care how many people are staring at me, or how Sonnie is squeezing my arm.

“Sorry,” I mouth, “I’m sorry.”

And that breaks the spell.

He turns away with his father, then shrugs him off as the older man tries to speak.

I get to my feet as the man I love stalks off down the corridor, and Janet shrieks as I make a run for it.

“Miss Martin!” she screeches, but I don’t even slow down.

“Alexander!” I call, but he doesn’t even look at me. He slams the door at the end of the corridor, and I’m all set to charge on after him, be damned with the consequences, but I can’t.

The hand on my shoulder is firm. Alexander Henley Senior’s grip is brutal.

“We need a fucking word, Miss Martin,” he hisses.

And I cry.

Oh God, how I cry.AlexanderI take the stairs, all sixteen fucking floors of them three at a time with my lungs on fire.

I barge past some catering staff halfway down and don’t even apologise.

I can’t speak. I don’t want to fucking speak.

I don’t even want to be alive.

The world spins as I pace through the lobby. My lungs scream for air as I barge through the main entrance doors.

My lungs scream to be out of this fucking place.

I stumble onto the street and straight into Mr Rand on his way in.

He holds out a hand and I stare mute, as though I’m a fucking lunatic. Because I am. I am a fucking lunatic.

“Are you alright, Henley?” Rand asks, and I brace myself on his shoulder, using him as leverage to walk on by. I stumble down the street with the wind whipping my tie, and the rain feels like acid against my cheeks.