Bait

“Stephen is a fucking asshole,” he says.

“I saw him every day for four years before anything happened between us. I knew his thoughts better than I knew my own, just by looking at him.” I pause. “Or so I thought.”

“Sometimes you can know someone for years and know nothing at all,” he says.

He’s got that right.

I meet his eyes. “I shouldn’t have ever done it, not knowing he was under the same roof as someone else. I should’ve known better, but I loved him. I thought he loved me, too. I was stupid enough to think we’d end up together, that somehow he’d find a way to leave and make sure she was okay.”

“He didn’t want to leave her when it came to it?”

I smile a bitter smile. “I don’t think he ever really wanted to leave her at all, no matter what he had to say about it. They had a nice little slice of suburbia. A Scandinavian pine kitchen and a big TV. A decent lease car on the driveway. Their own little corner of domestic bliss.” I pause. “I didn’t think it mattered to him. I didn’t think he’d go running for cover as the fireworks started.”

He takes my fingers in his. Squeezes tight. “Like I said, the guy’s a fucking idiot. When it happens next time it’ll be different, I swear.”

I can hardly bear to look at him. “You really want kids?”

He smirks. “Right now? I’m sure we’d do just fine if the situation arose, Abigail.”

“That’s not what I mean,” I say, and my voice is barely more than a rasp. “I mean, is that what you want, in your future? You’re sure? Definitely sure?”

I know he’s misunderstanding me. I know he thinks I’m looking for reassurances.

I know he thinks he’s helping me when he rolls me to face him and presses his heart to mine.

“I’m sure,” he says.

My cheek is on his shoulder. I’m glad he can’t see my tears.

“And what if it never happens?”

He sighs. “These are supposed to be your secrets, Abigail, not mine.”

I don’t understand. He moves so quickly I have to swat the tears from my cheek.

“A miscarriage is awful,” he says. “Believe me, I know. Serena, my sister, she had several when she was younger. They broke her apart.” He digs his wallet from his jeans. My heart is in my throat as he opens it up. “But you can try again. We’ll try again, if that’s what you want. Maybe not now, but soon. We’re gonna be good together, you and me. I think our pieces fit pretty well together, all things considered.”

I stare dumbfounded as this horror unfolds.

“I’d love to have a baby,” he says, and he’s smiling. “Mariana didn’t want one. I had to beg her to keep Cameron. I think that was what ended us ultimately.”

He pulls out a picture. My stomach turns over itself as I see the little boy smiling at the camera.

“This is my boy,” he says, “he’s a real champ.”

My voice is a ghost. “You have a son?”

“He’s nearly four,” he continues. “He’ll love having a little brother or sister someday.”

“Stephen is having a baby with his estranged wife,” I say on autopilot. I’ve never spoken it aloud before, never allowed myself to think about it. “That’s why I ran. Because I couldn’t stand it. Because being around children makes me…” I stop.

Makes me feel empty.

Broken.

Makes me feel like my life is nothing.

That I’m not a woman.

That I’ll never know the love of a mother.

That my body killed my baby and nearly killed me too.

Leo’s eyes are so kind as mine spill tears. I wipe them away but my lip is trembling.

His hand is firm on my knee, his voice so strong.

“Hey,” he says. “Abigail, listen to me. It’s not over for you. We’ll try again. You’re gonna love Cam, he’s got his issues, I mean, the kid’s been through a lot, way more than any kid should ever go through. He was there that night, asleep in the back of my truck. Jake called and told me to get the hell up there and Serena wasn’t with us at the time. I put him in his car seat and took him with me.” He pauses. “And he saw the flames. He heard the sirens.”

“My God,” I cry, but he shakes his head.

“Cam’s had his issues, but he’s okay. Me and Serena, we do everything we can to make sure he’s okay. He’s elective mute, but he’s getting better. Don’t let that put you off him. He’s a great kid. Really great. He just started speaking again, just a few days ago. It’s early days, but he’ll get there. He’ll be a regular kid by the time he starts school, I just know it.”

The picture is still between us. I stare at his son’s big brown eyes as my heart breaks.