Just as I’d done so many times since.
Just as I could do so easily now.
I held back the tears and stared at the window as the winter day turned into a winter evening and the sun dropped below the skyline. I took deep breaths and focused as much as possible on the comfort of my battered body, grateful for a few hours of rest. It didn’t stop my mind dancing. From Phoebe and our past together to her new predicament and praying she was doing ok out there. From my childhood hopes for a better life and what this huge sixty-day pay out could offer both me and her for the coming years. From all of that, to him. To Brandon Grant and the way my sad, sorry body was craving his with every scrap of nerves in me.
From the pang of hurt at the clash of his outlook with mine, to the way my heart craved his sordid magnetism with a strength I’d never known. Not ever.
Not with the idiot guy who’d tempted me into his arms on my childhood street just to take whatever he could from me. Not with the college assholes on the beach who’d given in to my slutty display just a few short nights before. Not even good guy Jake, who’d taken me aside at university and offered me a way out through the fortune of his family business. No, it was all about the beautiful monster whose body had sent mine into a frenzy during every single minute of our time together.
It felt like years since I’d first met Mr Filthy Gorgeous under the pier and dropped to my knees to do his bidding. I could barely remember the routine of my university life without him being a factor in it, smiling at my surface level friends and going about my lectures like I was one of them, living the mundane and striving for good grades with nothing more on my plate than the assignments due. Well, that and Phoebe. Always Phoebe.
It also felt like years since I’d met Carolyn Lane and formed my first genuine friendship in this place. It felt like ages since I knew Rebecca Lane had abandoned her apartment and taken off somewhere. I wondered if Carolyn was struggling with her sister’s welfare as much as I was struggling with Phoebe’s. If we were linked somewhere in the ether, both of us fighting for the safety of the siblings we loved so much.
I wiped my eyes and pulled my knees to my chest as the full strength of that question hit me hard. I didn’t want Carolyn and Rebecca Lane to be struggling with the same kind of battle I was having with Phoebe. I had no choice. I had to push it aside, powerless to do anything but hold strong for what lay ahead for me that night.
I could’ve pulled myself from under the covers and checked out my bruises in the bathroom under full lighting, but I didn’t. My instructions had been clear. Prepare for the evening. Prepare for the pain and the performance and do my best for whatever filth was coming.
I flinched as the bedroom lock sounded and the door swung inwards, heart pounding at the thought it could be him again, coming to claim me.
It wasn’t.
It was a man I’d never seen before, suited from head to toe in dark colours as they tipped their head and landed another food tray on the bed alongside me. I thanked him, then paused. Did I add a sir? I didn’t know whether I should call everyone sir or whether it was for the main man only. As it turns out, I didn’t have long to think about it. He turned away and retreated with nothing more than a grunt, locking the door behind him as he left.
I flicked the bedside lamp on and tucked right into my meal and glass of water. Potato and vegetables with a tasty fillet of chicken, far better and fulfilling than anything in my usual meal plan. My stomach appreciated it, even on top of the big full English breakfast earlier. I let out a quiet belch and felt my cheeks flame in case someone was watching.
I then figured I’d have considerably more personal embarrassments looming over the coming weeks. Feeling Brandon Grant’s eyes on me during my bathroom encounters was a burn right to the core, and I knew what was coming would be far worse than that.
Insanely worse than that. Insanely worse than anything I should ever consider doing in a million years.
It was another string of thought I had to push aside as I finished up my dinner and placed the tray on top of the breakfast one on the dresser. I knew then that the evening really was drawing in and my rest time was running low.