So insane I didn’t even know where to start trying to interpret it.
Over?
How the hell could we possibly be over?
We were fine when he left. Hugs so tight and whispers of how much he’d miss me but how much he hoped I’d enjoy my trip.
Normal.
Normal and good.
Normal and us.
“What?” I asked, but it was weak. Pathetic.
He took a step closer but was still at a distance. “I’m in love with Maya Brooks,” he told me, and there was no care in his words. “I was waiting until she was ready before I left you, but she’s ready now. I’m with her.”
I pictured Maya Brooks standing there. Her pink lipstick and high boots and the way she always flicked her hair like she was an angel amongst sinners. I’d known her for years, on the outskirts of our friend group. I’d known she liked him. She’d always hugged him that second too long when we crossed her at socials, and I’d always seen that glint in her eyes.
But he was mine.
He loved me.
I’d never questioned that in all the time we’d been together.
“But it’s Maya…” I began. “You hardly know her…”
He smirked at me. “I know her pretty well, Anna. I’ve been seeing her for months, I’ve just been waiting to let you know.”
No.
It couldn’t be.
No. It just couldn’t.
But he was so sure standing there. So solid with his shoulders so tall in his coat.
Fuck, he was already dressed to leave. He had his coat and shoes on.
It finally hit me. The tears came hard and fast, hands on my stomach as I struggled with the sickness.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!” I was screaming. “I DON’T GET IT!”
“Get it,” he hissed. “I’m sorry, Anna, but I don’t love you. I don’t think I ever have.”
I was shaking my head, because it couldn’t be real. Please God, it couldn’t be real.
But it was.
It was real.
And it was agony. Pure agony.
He watched me crying and I didn’t know what to do. I stumbled backwards into the wall, and I hated him and hated Maya and hated myself and the whole fucking world.
“Why?!” I whispered through the tears. “Why do you love her more than me?!”
I didn’t expect him to answer, but he did.
“Maya is amazing. She’s so fucking smart, and so fucking funny, and so fucking hot. I’ve known it for years, I just wasn’t sure she wanted me back, not while she was with Paul Slater.”
I couldn’t see it. I really couldn’t. But his eyes said it all.
“How long?” I asked, and he shrugged.
“Plenty long enough, Anna. Plenty long enough to know my future is with her.”
I retched. Retched and doubled up and my vision was blurry and my ears were ringing.
He didn’t even try to come to me.
And then he laughed.
He fucking laughed at me.
“Chill out, Anna. I’ve put three months’ rent in your account until you find a new place. You’ll get over it.”
Jesus Christ, I wouldn’t ever get over it.
It was crushing, like my whole heart had been ripped out and stamped into nothing. So physically fucking painful as I struggled to ride the hurt.
“Don’t do this, Lucas,” I managed. “Please, Lucas, don’t…”
It sounded like I was begging, my words were so weak, and I hated myself for trying. I hated how the anger wasn’t anywhere near close to the pain.
He dropped his key on the counter and came up close.
“I’ll see you around,” he said. “Thanks for a good few years, just a shame it wasn’t good enough.”
But he wouldn’t see me around.
Not ever again.
I’d rather kill myself than share another breath in the same room as that cunt and his poisonous fucking soul.
He shut the door behind him and I sank to the floor, and I retched and spluttered and sobbed so hard I couldn’t see. There was nothing in me that understood. Nothing in me that could really believe it. Nothing in me that could believe the man I’d left behind had shrivelled and died and become the evil monster who’d just ripped me apart.
He should have been kissing me, hugging me, slamming me over the island and fucking me wild.
He should have been happy, laughing. We should have been happy, laughing, a mess of filthy catch-up sex. But I was alone, a mess on the floor for all the wrong reasons, his smirk on loop as that door closed behind him.
I scrabbled for my phone and my hands were trembling so hard I could hardly call up Nicola’s number. She answered with a heyyyy, but I responded with a retch, and she was asking me what the hell was wrong, what the hell had happened, and I struggled to tell her through jagged breaths.
It was a scream of a sob when it came out of me.
“I need you. Please, God, Nicola, I need you. Lucas has gone. He’s gone!” And then I said it. I said it and made it all real. “He’s left me for Maya Brooks. He’s in love with Maya Brooks.”