I didn’t want to say I couldn’t either, because I couldn’t give up. Her stare was a pool of cold, dark misery with only a sliver of hope. I only wished mine had a sliver of hope staring right back at hers.
My fingers were weak as I pulled the cigarettes down from the shelf, and I didn’t even ask if she wanted one, just handed them over.
“I’ve never quite needed one like I need one right now,” she said, and managed a laugh.
I pushed a laugh out of me right back. “I’ll be to blame for this too. Your fresh smoking habit.”
“Add it to the list.”
“It’s quite a fucking list.”
“Yes, it is.”
She should hate me with every inch of her, but she didn’t. She was still in love with me. It was shining right through her, and it was the greatest gift I could have wished for. Maybe that was the universe’s ultimate form of karma, if there was such a bloody thing. Giving me a taste of something that meant so much, just to snatch it back away. And I’d live with that, because I’d deserve it.
But she’d never deserve it.
Anna would never deserve a breath more of this misery.
She stubbed her cigarette out on the plant pot tray where I’d stubbed mine, and it was her who closed the distance, resting her head against my chest as her arms gripped my waist.
“We only have the now,” she said again. “Let’s make the most of it.”
I kissed her head and squeezed her back. “I’ll always make the most of it.”
I wasn’t expecting it when she headed over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of prosecco. I definitely wasn’t expecting it when she looked through three of my cupboards until she found the right one for glasses.
She popped the cork and poured out two, and I clinked hers to mine as she handed it over.
She took a swig before she smiled. It was still a butterfly kiss on a broken heart, but it was enough to have me smiling right back at her and taking a swig of my own.
“I’m so used to everyone pulling faces at everything I do,” she told me. “People would be wrestling this glass from my hand and bundling me off to bed before I’d even got a taste back at home.”
“You know your own mind,” I said. “You’re perfectly capable of knowing what you do and don’t want to do, Anna. If you need my help or my opinion you’ll ask for it. I’m more than happy to give either.”
“It’s because they care,” she continued. “But I’m so tired of not living.”
“I care too. I’d walk through flames if it saved you from a single seizure, but I can’t.” I sneered at myself. “Plus, it would be the biggest hypocritical shit show in creation if I advised you not to drink anything.”
She put her glass down on the counter after just a few sips, and then she wrapped her arms around my neck all over again.
“Let’s live the now,” she whispered. “I’m done with thinking and crying and wishing for some kind of miracle answer to this crazy.” She paused. “Please God, can we try to forget it, just for one night.”
“How?” I asked her, but I already knew. I ditched my glass on the side, and my hands tugged my shirt up over her ass and grabbed tight.
“Fuck me,” she breathed. “Fuck me hard enough to take it away.”
My answer was a kiss, and it was deep and dirty and wet enough that she gasped against my mouth. I pushed my thigh between hers and the horny minx in her shone bright. She rubbed herself against my leg, and her mouth was on mine, open wide.
I managed to stumble back and turn off the oven, and her hands were busy freeing my cock and jerking hard.
Holy fuck, I could have blown my load right there and then. But no.
No fucking way.
I didn’t lead her upstairs. I opted for the living room, guiding us through the door and down onto the sofa without pulling my mouth from hers.
“Make me forget,” she breathed again.
My smile was all for her. “I’ll make you such a dirty little bitch, you’ll forget everything.”
I tore my shirt off her so hard a few of the buttons pinged off, and her tits were straining ready. I was rough. Really rough.
She begged me for rougher, and I gave it. I gave her even rougher.
“Make me a dirty bitch, Lucas.”
I’d make her the filthiest little bitch she’d ever been.
I slammed three fingers inside her deep and she wanted more. My thumb was against her clit, circling hard, and I spat on another two fingers and pushed them into her ass. Her back arched and legs spread wider and she took it with a curse.