“Alright,” I said. “You’re right. But what am I supposed to do? I’m not exactly ditching offers all over the place.”
She scowled at that.
“Bullshit. There’s a school reunion down at Casey’s in a few weeks you haven’t signed up for, and Lisa had a birthday drink down at Oscars last Saturday and you didn’t bother coming.”
I nodded, because that was true, but she kept on going.
“You haven’t replied to Amy Miller’s wedding after party invite, and that’s two weeks off. And I’ve got my bloody girls’ night next Friday and you haven’t even told me you’re coming to that. Plus, Emma Staplow has some makeup sales party at hers on the nineteenth. Do I need to tell you any more?”
No. She didn’t need to tell me more.
Vicky came through the front door with a hello at that minute and headed on through, and Nicola brought her up to speed with her lack of socials assault on me.
Predictably, Vicky was all nods. “Don’t say you can’t get over Lucas Pierce if you don’t even try to have any fun in your life.”
“Alright,” I told them. “And if I try to have fun in my life and bundle myself along to all these socials, and I still don’t get over Lucas Pierce, does that mean you’ll give us another try?”
They looked at each other before they spoke, but it was only for a second before their response came out in unison.
“No.”
“No,” Nicola repeated. “I’ll never give you and Lucas Pierce another try. He’s a cunt and a prick, and I can’t stand the sight of him. You’re worth a whole lot more than that waste of space, Anna.”
“No,” Vicky added. “He’s a cunt and a prick, and I can’t stand the sight of him. Get back with Sebastian.”
So, I shrugged.
I shrugged and brushed it aside and sank back into the sofa cushions and accepted the storm was still raging as hard as ever.
And then I agreed to their onslaught of fun, and watched as they signed me up to the bank of socials and told everyone I was coming.
At least it was worth a damn shot to get them on side eventually, even if it took another whole damn decade.
I’d be praying.Chapter Twenty-FourLucasI tried to find a scrap of optimism through Sunday afternoon, but it was a pointless exercise. I knew Hannah Ames would be straight onto Maya with the gossip just as soon as she had the chance, and I knew Maya would be straight onto my mother.
I tried all over again to get some time with Millie before the weekend drew to a close, but Maya wouldn’t answer my calls, and when I turned up at her place to try harder in person, her car was gone from the drive.
So I cursed her for her vile bout of punishment all over again, and I went home.
It already felt empty without Anna. The rooms felt bare, and Bill and Ted already looked behind me to see if she was following me through. I gave them a decent fuss and extra treats and played ball in the garden, and it was a regular day in my regular world minus Millie, but that whole world felt so much shitter without Anna’s smile.
I kept looking at my phone for messages, but none came through. I ate another portion of lasagne, staring hard at the empty space opposite me at the table, then handed a chunk to the dogs. And then I opened a bottle of wine, and smoked cigarettes, and stared out at the night sky over the horizon.
I only wished Anna was there to see it with me.
I wished she was there to open her mouth nice and wide to take a fresh round of dirty panties, and then smile her filthy smile as she watched me jerk my cock over tainted white lace.
But she wasn’t.
She wasn’t there and I’d better get used to it.
There was still nothing from Anna, or Maya, or my mother before I showered for bed. I sent off one final text to my bitch of a co-parent asking for time with my daughter, but this time it didn’t even show as delivered.
The night made it even worse of a contrast without Anna there in my arms.
I slipped into bed and the covers smelt like black cherry and sea. I pulled her pillow over from her side and held it tight. Breathed her in. And I prayed.
I prayed for another shot at another life.
I prayed that we’d make it through to the other side of this hell with our hands holding tight.
I prayed that Maya wouldn’t use Millie to destroy my world beyond repair.
But still, I also knew that prayers never go answered. At least not when they’re coming from me. I smiled before I finally drifted to sleep, remembering the sparkle in Anna’s eyes every time she tossed a coin into the Neptune fountain, and I wondered if she’d already tossed one in there and wished for us.