I wouldn’t lie, because I don’t. I never lie, especially not when the room is full of people who know me for myself, and value my self-respect and honesty.
“What’s the dare?” I asked.
Several girls were weighing one up, but Dawn was already prepared with the impossible. She poured a pint glass full of white wine and slammed it down on the table.
“Down that in one, or answer the question.”
Nicola and Vicky were horrified, I could see them about to make their move before I opted to take my own fate in my hands and show them all that I’d do whatever the hell I wanted.
I picked up the pint glass and slugged back that wine so fast that a trickle ran down my chin.
Stupid.
It was stupid.
But I was past giving a shit about any of that.
I slammed the empty glass back down on the table and smiled over at Dawn, and she was absolutely seething as the room whooped their cheers at me.
“You shouldn’t have done that. You’re not allowed with epilepsy medication,” Dawn said, stating the obvious.
“No, you fucking shouldn’t!” Nicola hissed and raced on over. “What the fuck were you thinking?!”
I shrugged amidst the horror, and she was screaming about my stupidity, Vicky in tow, with so much force that I reached into my handbag without even breaking a sweat.
“I’m going for a cigarette,” I told the crowd and got up from my seat, and they were all still bitching or staring on open-mouthed as I pushed my way through and out into the damn back yard.
Fuck it.
I lit up and took a drag, and I could feel the wine burning in my belly. I was grateful for it, even if it caused me some bullshit in the aftermath, because it was warming. Warming and heavy and nice.
I expected it to be Nicola storming after me when the back door swung open, but it wasn’t. It was Yasmin Boyle with a cigarette already hovering in her mouth.
I braced myself for another bitching session, but it didn’t come. She looked at me with a strange glance as she started smoking and then she stepped up closer.
“Don’t listen to that lot in there,” she whispered. “You don’t owe Maya Brooks anything.”
I smiled back at her, thankful that someone finally remembered how Maya first stole Lucas from behind my back in the first place.
“I know that, don’t worry,” I said, but she stepped up even closer.
“You don’t know the half of it,” she told me. “Believe me, you owe her fuck all, and it’s not just about her fucking off with him. She was a sly little bitch way beyond what people know.”
“I know it wasn’t exactly the lengthy process it seemed to be,” I said when it looked like she was in on the secrecy.
“I know how it started,” she said. “I was there on the night she did it. He was a wreck, you know. Too trashed to even remember his own name.”
My stomach lurched at the knowledge that someone else really knew what happened that night. It burned deep, that fresh bout of knowing just how much of a mess that one shitty night turned into, and I was summoning up more questions to ask her when that back door opened all over again.
This time it nearly swung from its hinges.
“What the fuck are you doing now?!” Nicola spat, and pulled the cigarette from my fingers. “Drinking and fucking smoking?! More greatness from Lucas cunting Pierce, no doubt!”
But I was done. Truly, I was done.
I wanted nothing more to do with Dawn or Hannah or any of the bystanders feeding on my humiliation. I forced Nicola into a hug and checked I had my keys in my handbag and then I was out of there, calling up a cab as I made my way onto the main street.
I heard Nicola shouting after me but didn’t turn around.
“SORT YOURSELF OUT, ANNA! FOR FUCK SAKE, SORT YOURSELF OUT! THAT CUNT IS WORTHLESS. HE’S FUCKING POISON!”
I thought she’d finished, but the rant started up again before I was out of earshot.
“UTTER FUCKING POISON! HE’LL TEAR YOU APART ALL OVER AGAIN! I’M NOT WATCHING IT NEXT TIME!”
Once again, I was grateful for the wine. The shards of panic were dull enough under the surface that I didn’t flinch with this fresh round. Thumbs-up to Dawn and her bullshit dare.
I was smoking a fresh cigarette as I waited for the taxi, and my phone was back out in my hands in a heartbeat summoning up Lucas’s text history.
Tomorrow, I told him. This time you can come to me. I’m sick of hiding.
I had a sickening pang of concern as soon as I sent it, scared I really was being a total bitch who was fucking things up with his daughter, but his message came back in a flash before I could truly rethink myself.