Because that’s what it felt like.
It felt like a battlefield.
It was the scowls over truth or dare, and the disgust of my family, and the videos of his little girl running around that oak tree, so innocent.
It was rocking together cross-legged on his bedroom floor as we sobbed over what could’ve been.
It was the pain, and regret and the desperation for another chance.
I exploded as his tongue flicked just right to set me on fire, back arching against the grass. Fuck, oh fuck, yes. I was soaked in water, writhing on the lawn as Neptune watched, crashing and sailing and panting for breath.
And then I was smiling. Smiling as a strange tide of feeling bloomed up from my stomach and up with it came tears at my eyes. I didn’t get it, but I couldn’t stop it. That crazy combination of the highs and the lows singing as one.
His mouth tasted of me when it came back up to meet mine, and my hands reached up to hold his face.
And then he fucked me.
Neptune didn’t let up with his torrent, and this time we were both getting soaked underneath the spray, but it didn’t matter. Lucas kept on thrusting until I was whimpering underneath him, building up a second time round. I turned my face flat to the stone as I reached a second peak. But no. He wouldn’t let me look away. He forced my face back to his and his eyes were right back on mine, and we came like that. A mirror of explosion as we both crested and bucked and unloaded.
Vulnerable.
Exposed.
Perfection.
He caught his breath against my shoulder.
“I’d never have made it back to yours,” he laughed, and I laughed along with him.
“Neither would I.”
He raised himself up just enough to tug my dress back down, and I propped up on my elbows as he stared at me.
“You looked like you were about to cry for a minute back there. That must have been some kind of orgasm.”
“Guess that’s what two glasses of prosecco does to me.”
“Would take a bit more than two glasses of prosecco to do that to you,” he said, and helped me to my feet.
My feet screamed out pretty loud from the fresh assault of my heels, but I didn’t care. I leant into Lucas as we took the correct route home this time, and we were happily back to constellation spotting, soaked through to the skin and wandering without a care until we were just a street away from mine.
That’s when he stopped and turned me to face him.
“Don’t give up on us,” he said. “I know it’s going to be real fucking hard, but don’t ever give up on us, Anna.”
“I couldn’t give up on us,” I said back. “I love you too much. But I guess that’s why I felt the tears at the fountain. Knowing what’s coming ahead.”
“At least we get to face it together this time.”
I took a breath and forced a lighter smile. “Well, this conversation sure got intense. So much for the giggle-dancing in Oscars.”
“Yeah, maybe we need to fire up another round of Better the Devil You Know when we get back to yours.”
That made me laugh. “We’d have to be mad to fire up a round of anything that would get Vicky out of bed at 2 a.m.”
“Kylie Minogue will have to keep her mouth shut tonight then.”
We held hands and swung them between us as we crossed the road and took the last steps to my front door. I stared up at the darkness of the windows. Thank God Vicky was definitely in bed.
I turned the key in the lock as quietly as I could and we made our way through the living room with careful footsteps. I started up making him a tea when we reached the kitchen.
“Nice place,” he whispered as he looked around, and I shrugged.
“Not as nice as yours.”
“If Neptune delivers your wish then maybe you can join me in the countryside. Bill and Ted would love to have you.”
“And how about you?” I whispered. “Would you love to have me?”
He stepped across the kitchen and I abandoned his tea making to hold him tight.
“Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to have you in that house with me, Anna. You make it so much of a home that it’s already screaming empty with you gone.”
“And how about Millie, Lucas? Would she love to have me there too? And what about Maya? Will she ever swallow it down and let her come visit? Somehow I don’t think it’s going to be that easy.”
He let out a breath. “She’ll have to. Somehow she’ll have to stomach it. Everyone will.”
I let out a breath right back at him. “And are you sure you want to go through that? Because it could be one hell of a road, Lucas. She could tear you to shreds and you know it.”