I saw Lucas’s jaw clench and I knew he was struggling to keep a lid on his rage.
“And what about helping you get better? With the seizures, I mean. How the fuck did he help you get better? Did he even want you to? I bet he fucking didn’t. Bastard piece of shit.”
I shrugged at that, because I didn’t know. Not anymore.
As the morning broke through the window and Lucas stared over at me, I didn’t know much about my life with Sebastian Maitland at all. It was all still tumbling, and I was still reeling.
I stared up at the ceiling and tried to pull myself back to my senses in the room, and then I finally registered where I was.
Oh crap, I registered where I was.
My eyes were fast to land on his.
“Shit, Lucas. Where’s Maya?! Surely I shouldn’t be here… she must be around… I mean, I should go… I don’t want to cause any–”
“What the hell are you talking about?” he said. “Why the hell would Maya be here? She never comes here.”
The confusion in my stare must have rivalled his. “Well, you’re back with her, right? The three of you? Hasn’t she moved back in here yet?”
He shook his head like my questions were the most absurd things he’d ever heard.
“I’d never be back with Maya. I’m doing what I can with Millie, jumping through her stupid fucking hoops to see my daughter, but I’m not back with her. I hate being in the same room as her, so there’s no way I could ever share a bed with her.”
I shook my head like his answers were the most absurd things I’d ever heard.
“But that’s why I walked away… I thought you’d go back to her and make it right again…”
He squeezed my hands in my lap, and his eyes were so raw.
“Jesus Christ, Anna. I’d never have gone back to Maya. Even if I never saw you again in this whole fucking lifetime, I’d never go back to Maya. I couldn’t. We’d never be able to make it work.”
“But the family pictures…” I said. “Your mother showed me the family pictures… of the three of you all together… how happy you were…”
“How happy we wanted to be,” he said. “But it doesn’t matter what anyone pretends is picture perfect, not unless it’s fucking real.” He sighed. “It was never real for me, I just wanted it to be.”
“But what about Millie?” I pushed. “If you don’t get back with Maya like she wants you to, then how are you going to see Millie?”
He shrugged. “Fuck knows. But I can’t get back with her again or be anything else. I don’t love her, I never did. I should’ve accepted that years ago and been done with this bullshit.”
I let out the most insane little laugh. A bitter, sad little giggle as my brain churned over the carnage.
It was toxic. Painful. Blunt and savage.
It was poison.
But sometimes the antidote comes from the strangest places.
Maybe, just maybe, I was staring at mine.
I breathed out. “Damn, Lucas. It’s one serious pit of bullshit we’ve both managed to drop ourselves in. Two shitty sides of one shitty coin we’ve been trying to make work for a decade.”
“Two shitty sides of one shitty coin we’ve been trying to make work without each other, more like it.” He leaned in to rest his forehead against mine. “And I’m done with it. I’m sorry, but I’m done. I’m not spending the next decade without you, Anna. The world can get fucked.”
The pressure of his skin on mine was enough to give me butterflies under the pain.
Because I was done too.
I didn’t want another day without him. Not anymore.
“Don’t leave me,” I whispered. “Please, Lucas, don’t leave me again.”
“I won’t be leaving you for anything,” he said. “And I swear to you, Sebastian Maitland won’t be coming anywhere near you ever again, that’s a certainty. He’ll never fucking hurt you again.”
I took a deep breath, my forehead still on his, and then I gave up the fight.
The world really could get fucked.
I loved Lucas Pierce and he loved me, and this time he was mine to stay.Chapter Thirty-SixLucasI took her up to bed and held her tight, but we didn’t sleep. We were out of words, and energy, and everything other than the need to be together.
I was never letting this go again. I was never letting go of the woman at my side.
I loved Millie so hard, of course I did. She was my world, and my love, and my zest through life. But so was Anna. And somehow, by some means, I’d have to make that balance work without making a choice. I’d never be making the choice between them for anyone. I couldn’t do it. Not even if that anyone was the mother of my daughter, and the woman I’d been a prick of a partner to for our entire life together.