Thank you, universe.
The shift ploughed on, and the day was fast and busy enough to have me an exhausted muddle on the way home. But I was happy. I headed back through the streets to Harrow station with a whole load less race to my steps, but it didn’t matter. The train pulled into the platform just one little minute after I stepped onto it.
Thank you, universe, all over again.
The glow of satisfaction was burning bright as I headed up the carriage aisle. My very first real day in the world of healthcare, and I’d loved it every bit just as much as I hoped I would.
No. Even better than I hoped I would.
My feet were throbbing pretty bad when I dropped down into the nearest empty train seat. I leaned back against the headrest and enjoyed the whistle as we pulled away, looking forward to the comfort of the journey home when I dug into my bag for a fresh read of Gone with the Wind.
My fingers scanned instinctively for my bookmark, just like they had done for years on end.
Only it wasn’t there.
It wasn’t in my book, and it wasn’t in my bag, and it wasn’t on the floor around my feet.
It wasn’t in any of my pockets, and it wasn’t anywhere in the carriage aisle.
Oh crap no.
Please no.
Please let me find it.
But it seems the universe had done with its thumbs-ups for the day. My precious bookmark was nowhere to be seen.
I couldn’t stop the tears pricking my eyes, but I kept on looking, kept on hoping.
The glass is always half full in my world, even when there’s no water left to drink. After all, you still have the glass there ready for some more… Granny Weobley’s wise words.
I was still fighting back the tears as Eddington Station pulled up.
My bookmark was really gone.
I remembered Granny Weobley’s face as she handed it over along with a library copy of Watership Down, just for me. I remembered how pretty it looked in lovely bright pink, with my name in such perfect gold under my fingers as I traced the letters around and around.
A special gift for my special girl, from her very special grandma, the scrawl on the other side said.
She was gone a week after, my very special grandma. Her heart gave up so suddenly that I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye.
And now I’d lost the most precious gift she’d ever given me.
I headed back home with sore steps from blistered feet. I climbed straight upstairs and let myself into our apartment, and there was Liam, back from his shift and already holed up on the sofa with some gun-ho video game online, just like he had been for months.
“Hey,” I said, and he barely even raised me a wave.
I kicked off my shoes and headed through to the kitchen. I made myself a cup of tea and waited for Liam to call me through to catch up on my day, but he didn’t bother. He kept on playing his game, oblivious, even when I sat myself down on the sofa right by his side.
I waited for him to speak, imagining all the questions he’d soon be asking me.
Hey, Chloe. How was your great new workday?
Hey, Chloe. Was it every bit as exciting as you hoped?
Did you meet some people? Learn some things? Do the things you’ve wanted to do for a lifetime?
But nothing.
Just gunshots and voices shouting through headphones, until finally I cleared my throat.
“… Wendy Briars was amazing, and Kingsley Ward is the best, and I learned about crutches and the best way people can use their legs with them. Honestly, Liam, it was super cool. Better than I ever expected it to be, which is good, isn’t it?” I laughed to myself. “I mean for it to be better than I hoped it would be, it must be the best place in the whole damn world, mustn’t it?”
Finally, with a curse as his game came to a catastrophic end, he turned to face me and pulled the headphones from his ears.
Then he showed he was barely listening to a word I’d been saying.
“Hey, babe. That’s cool. Just like you thought it would be, then?”
His eyes weren’t warm, they were dull. Bored. More interested in getting back to his shitty games console than hearing about the new phase in the life he was supposedly committed to being a part of.
We’d been together since high school, for eight years straight. I’d travelled back from university right the way through three years of weekends, just to make sure I could see him enough to keep us going.
I’d moved straight into his apartment in Hedley Road when I was done, right next to his favourite local pub, with a tacky beer garden and huge sports screen for everyone to watch the football on. For all his mates to watch the football on every Sunday afternoon.