Hello Stranger

“It’s going to be so fucking hard when she goes,” Amy said, and reached into her handbag for a tissue. “I can’t imagine life without her in it.”

She wasn’t the only one.

“How are you doing now?” she asked me, and I realised that Mum had been talking to her, quite possibly more than she should have.

My eyes were cold when they met hers, closing off from conversation, and she read that in a flash.

She shifted herself to leave, and I felt terrible as she gave me her kindest smile.

Sympathy.

She gave me sympathy.

I didn’t want sympathy.

“If there’s anything I can do, for you as well as Jackie…” she said, and her voice trailed away again.

“Thank you,” I replied, and got to my feet to see her out.

She waved as she walked down the path, then looked up at Mum’s bedroom window and waved again. I noticed fresh just how attractive the woman was, her hair so glossy under the dusky half-light.

I watched her drive away, and the faintest part of me wished she was staying in the guest room tonight, just to feel someone else in the house with us.

Luckily, that wish shrivelled to nothing soon after. At least I still had control of some of myself.

Instead of wallowing in my own stupid cravings, I began planning.

That list on Mum’s wall needed ticking off, and time was running out.20ChloeMy weekend was busy, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake off that tingle, right the way through me.

I went to a family barbeque on Saturday afternoon, and went for a long walk with Beano and my parents on Sunday, and handled grumpy, back and forth texts from Liam, but Dr Hall was always there. In my thoughts. Constantly.

I was crapping myself with nerves when I headed back into the ward on Monday morning. I was aching for his touch again, and aching to talk to him properly. Aching to ask him how his weekend was, or what he’d been reading, or even how the blond bearded guy was doing on the train. Anything just to hear him speak.

It didn’t happen.

I’d give my nervous shuffle and smile whenever he passed by me, and he’d give his usual nod. Nothing different on the outside.

But everything was different on the inside. I could feel it there, glowing between us every time he was anywhere near me. Our eyes would stay on each other just a second longer than they should do, and he’d do that pinch of his lip, and I’d feel my cheeks blush bright.

“Are you going to do something?” Gina pushed on Wednesday afternoon. “It’s like awkward city with you two desperate for a piece of each other every day of the week.” She laughed. “I’d also really like to see some action before I head out of this place for good. I don’t want to be pinging Romi for updates every five minutes.”

I giggled along with her, but I didn’t say anything. What could I say?

I wasn’t going to follow Dr Hall down a corridor and ask him if he wanted to hang out after work, was I? The ground would probably open up and swallow both of us whole.

I did ok at work that week. I helped everyone as best as I could, and began to get an understanding of what conditions were like on the ward, and what medications were used and how. There were no unexpected goodbyes to be handled on my shifts, and I got to know everyone a little better.

All except him.

All except the man my whole soul was screaming to know.

I was crapping myself with nerves all over again when I headed over to Casey’s Bar on Friday night. I’d picked out one of my nice evening dresses in a lovely dark blue, and paired it up with some sparkly sandals, and fastened my hair up in spiral curls. I had my smile on my face, trying to give my best impression of calm, even though my fingers were fiddling with my handbag all the while I approached the little crowd of hospital staff at the far table.

Richard, and Romi, and Gina herself. Wendy was there talking to Theresa from Hilton Ward, and there were Lourdes and Benjamin and Annabelle, who I’d only met in passing.

And him, of course. Dr Hall. Still wearing his grey suit with his burgundy tie from the shift that day, no doubt straight to the bar from the ward.

As per usual, I was the last one to the party. I sat myself down at a spare seat with a gulp of breath, and Gina pushed the prosecco bottle across the table at me.

“Here you go,” she said. “Let’s catch you up with the rest of us. Unfortunately, I’m on orange juice, but everyone else has already had a few.”