He was everything.
It was when we were facing each other in bed in the dark that he spoke low and quiet to me.
“Thank you for caring,” he said, “for Mum.”
“Making sure she gets her ham sandwiches isn’t really caring for her,” I said.
“Oh, it really is,” he said, stroking my hair.
“Shit!” I said, suddenly realising.
“What?”
“Biscuits. She wanted biscuits for afters. What are her favourites? Have you got any? I mean, if you haven’t got any, her favourites, I mean, we’ll have to stop somewhere on the way. She –”
“Stop!” he said and touched a finger to my lips. “Custard creams. She loves them. I can’t stand them. But I know there’s a tin that’s full and there’s backup packets of the bloody things in the cupboard.”
“Urgh,” I pulled a face and shuddered. “I hate custard creams.”
“Something else we have in common,” he said.
“We can hate custard creams together. Start a club even.” I laughed.
He pulled me closer. “This is why I love you, Chloe. You’re such a hilariously cute little soul.”
Love.
My breath hitched.
He heard it.
I was waiting for it, the backtrack. The I said love, but I meant…
But it didn’t come. He was silent.
So I said it. Even though it was ridiculous, and almost everyone in the world would roll their eyes and say it was stupid and it couldn’t possibly be love after five minutes and all that stuff, I said it anyway.
I ran my fingers up his neck, and teased them across his scalp, through his hair and over the patches of skin, back and forth, and then I said it.
“I love you, too.”29ChloeSeeing Logan there behind the steering wheel, laughing along with his mum in the passenger seat, was a beautiful snapshot of their world. They were two peas in a pod, both of them caught up in the journey, and I felt floaty inside. So grateful to be a part of that.
I sank myself into the backseat, trying my best to give them space together, but it was no good. They didn’t let me.
“How is our little mountaineering instigator doing in the back?” Logan asked, his eyes fixing on mine in the rearview. “Don’t even think about taking a nap on us now, this is your day too.”
I’d been up since before six, even though that was an alien time zone to me. I couldn’t stop myself, tossing and turning and excited about climbing the hills. I was like a kid on Christmas Eve, so buzzing for what was coming in the morning that I could barely sleep a wink.
I’d still been buzzing when I made three lots of ham sandwiches into foil packs. Buzzing all the more to see Jackie, dressed and ready for the journey and actually sitting in her chair at the dining table. Logan had been buzzing, too. I’d seen it shining from him as he served up toast with peanut butter to his grinning mum.
The day was great and it hadn’t even started. I’d packed up the sandwiches into a backpack along with a packet of custard creams, and dropped in two Kit-Kats from a pack I found in the cupboard. Who doesn’t like a Kit-Kat?
Logan made up two flasks of tea, found some plastic cups, and we’d been ready to roll.
Climb a mountain.
I’d seen it so clearly on Jackie’s bucket list, and helping make it happen was an honour.
I laughed. “No naps for me. I’m wide awake and doing great in the back,” I said, and meant it. I was doing great.
The roads kept rolling and the views outside kept rolling with them. City, to town, to country. We hit Cheltenham before lunchtime, and that’s when the pings started vibrating my pocket. Liam.
So when the fuck are you picking your stuff up?
I’ll get rid of it myself if you don’t get your shit together.
Don’t think you can bail out on me without bailing out your crap with you.
He was right. I did need to get my shit together, and I would, but his messages were so at odds with the atmosphere in the car as we neared the Malverns that I was pleased when my phone bleeped out of battery. It was almost symbolic, battery flat and gone from my old world. I was glad.
I settled into the seat and smiled as Jackie let out a roar of laughter at a memory, and this smile was all for myself. All for the glow inside.
I may have been behind Logan and out of view, but that didn’t make any difference. I still felt that spark between us, the glow inside him meeting mine and blooming brighter. I may not have known him, not truly. I may have known barely a shiver inside the gale of his soul, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered around Logan. Nothing but instinct.
It felt like no time at all had passed before the ridge of the Malvern hills appeared in the distance. Jackie let out a wowww that was so genuine it made me soar. We found the car park we’d plotted out the night before, and pulled up into a space.