Part of me expected to see Tristan on there talking about my disappearance. There was a big chunk of me that thought maybe he would be all guns blazing to let the world know about my interactions with Lucian, but there was nothing. Not a peep from him. I only hoped he was doing okay. Just as long as nobody had reached him or, worse, silenced him.
I turned my mind away from that as best as I could. Lucian wouldn’t have needed to silence him because he had nothing to say that would have any real weight to it. I left a note on my counter. I blamed it on the Power Brothers in my own handwriting. Tristan would have believed my note. He should’ve believed my note. Not that I expected him to believe everything I said, but this was beyond my usual level of lying, for sure.
I got a weird tickle inside me as I pulled myself away from the TV to grab some breakfast. It was a rush of something in my stomach. Instinct. I stopped on the spot in the hallway and turned to the front door, and there was something about it, an impulse to check the handle. I reached out and didn’t expect to get anywhere, because surely not. I’d heard it slam when Lucian was on his way out, and he’d always lock it, of course he would, only this morning he was rushing . . . maybe . . . just maybe . . .
My heart leapt a mile when the door swung open with a creak. Oh my God, I was free! I was FREE! It felt so weird stepping onto the porch, because I could run. There were lanes and tracks and roads stretching back out towards the city. No doubt I could find someone, anyone to hear my pleas and screams and efforts to get heard. I could have Lucian Morelli condemned before he’d ever make it back out of Morelli Holdings. I could destroy him. I could.
I grabbed my discarded shoes from behind the door and slipped them on with shaking hands. The world outside was fresh and cold, and the sun was up bright in the sky. Yeah, I could run from here. The driveway was long, sure, but it was doable. I could wrap up in warm clothes and make my dash for it. I could see the back of Lucian Morelli for all time, and cause an inter-family battle that would stand one hell of a good chance of swinging in Constantine favor, just so long as I could shake off this damn craziness about wanting him . . .
I could do it. Surely, I could. I should be able to. I should definitely be able to. He was nothing but a piece-of-shit enemy of mine who wanted to see me torn apart, and I needed to remember that. I should damn well remember that with every breath in my body. YES. YES.
Fuck. I cursed myself out loud when I felt the pang of no in my belly. No. What the fuck was no? But it was no. I couldn’t do it. Fuck my life, I couldn’t. There was no damn way I could shake off the damn craziness about wanting him. Not in a million damn years.
FUCK. IT. Fuck the craziness.
I wandered around the yard, still hoping to talk some sense into myself. The grounds around the house looked pretty wild, and damn beautiful with it. I doubted Lucian was nearly as good a gardener as he was a pasta maker. I couldn’t imagine him ever taking active care of the space. I’d never really had a garden, not of my own. Unless I was with family on outings or at home in the compound, I’d been living holed up in NYC for most of my adult life. There was nothing I could call a garden to tend, or turn into something I wanted.
I stepped out onto a patch of grass and spun myself around, truly soaking it all in. There were big sprawling trees and plenty of scope to make this space into something truly amazing. I could do that. I could learn to. I could read some books, and watch some vids, and get a grip of what would work and where. I cursed myself again as I thought it through. It was nothing but more craziness that would never happen. I needed to stop living such a stupid dream.
I kept the front door open as I made myself some pancakes for breakfast, unable to face shutting the world out. I ventured out onto the lawn with my plate, loving the breeze in my face as I munched my food with a smile. Yeah, I liked it out here. I really damn well liked it.