“Well, first of all, quit feeling so bad for yourself,” she says.
I bite my lip. “I ruined everything, Mac.”
“Nothing’s ruined,” she says, waving that away. “You and Jason are both consenting adults. So what, so he’s your professor? Maybe he’ll get in some trouble, but if you really want to be with him, you can.”
I shake my head. “No, there’s just no way.”
“Clara, stop.” Mac glares at me. “You’re stronger than this.”
I don’t know what to say. “Maybe I’m not.”
“You are. If you want this man, then fight for him.”
“He left me waiting for him,” I say softly. “He didn’t come back. It’s over, Mac.”
“It’s never over.” She sighs, shaking her head. “I don’t know why I care. I guess I liked him, and I know how you feel about him. I just hate to see it end like this.” She touches my arm as she turns to leave the kitchen. “You’ll be okay, Clara. I promise.”
I watch her sit back down on the couch and I lean up against the refrigerator, her words ringing through my mind.
It’s never over…
But it has to be. There’s no way we can come back from this. He didn’t come back for me, which means things are even worse. He went after Howard, probably tried to bribe him.
But there’s not enough money in the world for that. Not when Howard finally could see his revenge.
I feel my hatred rise up again. Howard, that fucking asshole, that petty little bitch. He’s going to take the best thing that’s ever happened to me away, just because his idea didn’t work out.
That sexist little bastard. I hate him so much, I can barely control myself.
My hands clench into fists. For a second, I think I’m about to smash the wall.
When there’s a knock at the door.
I hesitate, look at Mac. She shakes her head. “Not for me,” she says.
I walk slowly over. The knock comes again, sharp and insistent. My mind runs through a bunch of possibilities.
Police, SWAT team, here to arrest me. The dean of the college, here to kick me out. My parents, here to shame me for being so stupid.
Mac gestures at me. “Go ahead,” she says. “What’s the worst that it could be?”
I groan and whip open the door.
He stares back at me.
The absolute worst-case scenario.
“Hi, Clara,” Howard says.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t move. I just stare at him, eyes wide, as the anger slowly grows.
“What are you doing here?” I finally manage to ask.
He shifts from foot to foot. “Can we… talk?”
I shake my head. “I don’t have anything to say to you.”
“Look, I know I’ve been a bastard to you, but please. Just for a second.”
I think about slapping him. I think about running away.
But the smarter thing is to hear him out. I mean, he has all the power here, after all.
“Fine,” I say. “Come in.”
We walk inside, moving past Mac. She looks a little surprised but doesn’t say anything as I lead Howard to the back of the house and into the back yard.
I sit down on the back steps as he looks around and shoves his hands into his back pockets.
“Go ahead,” I say. “I’m listening.”
He looks away. “I’m here to apologize. I wasn’t very nice to you and I took some of my frustrations out on you. I shouldn’t have done that.”
I frown a little. “Okay, thank you,” I say. “But why are you apologizing?”
He hesitates a second. “It’s part of the deal.”
“Deal…?”
A million ideas run through my mind, but there’s only one person that could’ve pulled something like this off.
“But I really do feel bad,” he says quickly. “I was an asshole. You’re good at what you do, Clara. I shouldn’t be such a dick all the time.”
“Right,” I say. “Thanks.”
He grins at me. “But Jason? Sleeping with your professor? Jesus, Clara.”
“I know.” I look away. “It just happened. I never meant… I don’t know.”
“Hey, whatever. I don’t care anymore, seriously. I’m not judging you.”
I glare at him. “Like you’d have any right to.”
He shrugs. “Yeah, probably not.”
I sigh and look down. “Look, I guess I appreciate you coming out here and doing this, even if you didn’t want to.”
“Can you blame me? Nobody wants to admit they were being an asshole.”
“Yeah,” I say, smiling despite myself. “But, uh… you’re the one with all the power here.”
“True,” he says, smiling even more. “But Jason is very persuasive.”
I frown. “He didn’t… offer you something, did he?”
“At first, it was money,” he admits. “A lot of money, actually. A stupid amount of money. But I turned him down.” Howard paces away, shaking his head. “I was really pissed.”
“I get it,” I say softly. “I would’ve been mad, too.”
“But then I spoke to Parker. He told me that Jason said he was going to bring me the conference.” Howard looks back at me. “He was going to bring both of us. So even though my idea didn’t work out, he appreciated it anyway.”