“I want three at all times, with more nearby to come as soon as the shit goes down.”
“I’ll spread the word.”
“Pick out the guys you think will work best.”
“Got it, boss.”
I nodded, turned t the door, but hesitated.
Something felt off. I couldn’t put my finger on it but there was an odd feeling in my stomach that twisted and churned. I gripped the door frame as Viktor got back to it and started ripping down smoke-stained and half burnt drywall.
Then I realized. It was guilt. I hadn’t felt guilt in a long ass time.
But I felt guilty that her place went up in smoke because of me, and guilty that I was going to dangle her like a fish on a lure. It felt fucked up what I was doing to her, trapping her deeper and deeper. But I was paying her and paying her damn well for all this, and in the end, she’ll come out better and stronger than she was before.
The tests work. They always do.
She won’t thank me. She’ll never got down on her knees and tell me how grateful she was for all the shit I put her through that eventually made her better than she was before. But it won’t matter. I won’t need thanks.
I took a deep breath and turned back. I took out my phone, snapped a picture, and slipped it away again. Rolan gave me a weird look but didn’t stop what he was doing.
I left and tried to push the guilty away deep down inside.I found her sitting on the back porch with her feet up on a chair. She had her head leaning back and her eyes closed, the sun shining down on her face. I leaned up against the back door frame and watched her for a few seconds before clearing my throat.
She lifted her head and looked back at me. “You’re back.”
“I’m back. Thought you made a run for it for a second.”
“Yeah. Considered it.”
“You made a good choice.” I walked over to the black metal table she sat at and dropped a magazine down in front of her. “Here you go.”
“What’s this?”
“Better Homes and Gardens.”
“I see that. But why?” She held the magazine up like it was dripping with lice.
“For inspiration.” I took out my phone and showed her the picture I took.
“Huh. Place looks terrible.”
“I know. But we’re working on it.”
“And this is supposed to help me think of what to do with the space when it’s time?”
“That’s the idea.”
She frowned at the magazine for a few long seconds then shook her head. “That’s weirdly nice.”
“Yeah, well, here’s the thing. That place is still yours, but it got fucked up on my watch. So I’m going to make sure that we make it right.”
She gave me another odd look and shook her head. “What’s with you?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“You go from calling my brother a piece of shit junky to… doing this. Just pick a lane, okay?”
I laughed. “You’d rather I was just a bastard all the time?”
“I guess so.”
“Too bad, little diamond.” I turned and walked inside.
She followed me into the house. “Seriously, it’s like two different people with you.”
“If you’re going to nag me about it, I really won’t be nice to you anymore.”
She winced and shook her head. “That’s not what I’m trying to do.”
“Then what are you trying to do?”
She spread her hands and I could see a strange sense of helplessness wash across her face.
“I’m trying to figure out what the hell’s happening here. I don’t understand any of this, okay?”
“You’re selling drugs for me, and I’m paying you. That’s all that’s happening.”
“I’m staying in your house. And you’re always…”
“Always what?”
“Looking at me.” She crossed her arms. “Is this stupid? Am I being stupid?”
“I don’t know.” I tilted my head. “You tell me.”
I could see the pressure she was under, and that one nice gesture must’ve pushed her over the edge. This was a lot to handle even for someone like her, and now she was trying to figure out how the hell she felt about it all.
But god damn, she was right about one thing. I wanted her, wanted her badly. Every time I came near her I wanted to touch her skin, kiss her neck, run my fingertips down her back. I wanted to see her moan and gasp my name and whisper in her ear how much I loved tasting her delicious curves.
She couldn’t rectify those things in her mind with the facts of our situation. It was starting to get under her skin, and I loved it.
“I just want clarity. About what’s expected.”
“Nothing’s expected.” I took a step closer to her. “You do your job, that’s all. Anything beyond that’s all on you. If you want something, you can have it, that’s a promise.”
She chewed her lip. “I’m not sure what that means.”