Knocked Up by the Killer

I couldn’t stay with my father. I couldn’t go back to Tanner, even if I wanted to in some deep, dark portion of my mind. There was nothing for me, and I felt so broken, so shattered, that I thought maybe I’d just fall asleep and never wake up.

Except I kept waking up, and the world was still there.

After a day of lounging around in bed feeling sorry for myself, I heard my father leave. I snuck out of the room, took a shower, and crept down the stairs.

“Dad?” I called out.

Silence, no response. The house was empty.

I went into the kitchen and made some dinner. My father didn’t have much in the house, which didn’t surprise me. I had a hot dog and some mac and cheese, the kind that comes in a blue box with the bright orange fake cheese sauce that looks like some monster’s ectoplasm, but it was delicious and threw me back to my childhood. I curled up on a chair in the kitchen and ate the thing whole, made a second hot dog, and ate that, too.

Before I could go upstairs, I heard a sound out back.

I hesitated before going to the window. Some part of me thought I should just duck back upstairs and hide under my covers. It didn’t matter what was going on outside, nothing mattered anymore.

But I couldn’t help myself. I pulled the curtain aside and peered out at the dark back patio.

A figure sat at the little metal table with a glass of something in front of him.

I unlocked the back door and slipped outside. Tanner looked up at me, moonlight reflecting off his face, making the skin around his eyes glow.

“Glad you came out,” he said.

I lingered near the doorway, half inside, half outside. I crossed my arms over my chest. Part of me was relieved to see him sitting outside my door, and part of me wanted to run away and never look back.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Came to talk.”

“How’d you find this place?”

“Asked Dante,” he said.

I glanced at the table. I recognized that glass. A shiver ran down my spine as I realized he’d already broken inside, taken a glass, poured himself a drink, then went back outside and sat down to wait. He could’ve come up and talked to me at any point, but instead he did this.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised,” I said. “Of course they know where he lives.”

Tanner shrugged as if to say, can’t be surprised by anything.

“Sit down,” he said. “Talk to me.”

“I can talk from here.”

He sipped his drink. “All right.”

“What do you want?”

“You’re pregnant.” Not a question. Not an accusation. Just a statement of fact.

“Yeah,” I said. “I am.”

“When did you figure it out?”

“The night I ran off,” I aid. “I went and took some tests. My period was late, and my period’s never late, so I just… I don’t know. I took some tests.”

“Positive,” he said.

“Yeah.” I chewed my lip. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize.”

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

He shifted in his chair. “Elise. You know none of this is your fault, right?”

“I know, but—”

“Listen to me,” he said, his voice hard. “You didn’t choose your father. You didn’t ask the Leones to come and try to kill you. And you didn’t get pregnant on purpose. I played a pretty big role in that.”

I smiled a little. “I guess I could blame you then, huh?”

“Blame away,” he said. “So long as you’ll keep talking to me.”

I shifted from foot to foot. I glanced inside at the brightly lit living room, and thought about leaving him there. Maybe I could steal some money from my dad and get the hell out of the city. Maybe I could start over.

Instead, I shut the door and walked over to the table. I sat down across from him.

“I never thought I’d have a kid,” I said. “Never something I wanted.”

“I never really thought about it either,” he said.

I smiled. “Easy for guys not to think about it, you know? Women get pregnant, they’re the ones stuck with the baby when it comes out. You can just walk away and never have to see the baby again. But there’s no walking away for me.”

“You think that’s what I want?”

“No,” I said. “I don’t think so. You wouldn’t have come back here if you just wanted to get away.”

He nodded, sipped his drink. “I don’t want to leave you alone,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I know that much, at least.”

“So, what, you want to be this baby’s father?” I asked, half-kidding.

But he didn’t smile. “Yeah, I do.”

“You kill people for a living, Tanner,” I said, my voice gentle. “How can you be a father?”

“I don’t have to kill people,” he said. “It’s not something I need to do. It’s just something I’m good at.”