I chewed on my lip, sipped the coffee. “I don’t think I even know what I’m going through,” I said.
She laughed, light and breezy. I liked her, even if I didn’t like much of anything right then.
“Luca’s a good man, even if he doesn’t seem like it sometimes,” Colleen said. “I promise, you’re in good hands.”
“What happened at my uncle’s place…” I trailed off.
“Bad things happen to these guys sometimes,” she said, shaking her head. “And we love them despite it.”
I looked up, eyes wide. “I don’t think— I don’t know if I—”
She laughed and reached out to touch my knee.
“It’s fine,” she said. “You don’t have to love him. I’m just saying, these men, they’re in so deep they can barely see out of it. But I promise Luca will do anything he can to make sure you’re safe and to get your mom back if he can.”
“How do you know?”
“Because Steven did that for me,” she said. “And I know Luca is just like Steven.”
I chewed on my cheek again, sipped my coffee, stared at the red and blue flowers stitched into the comforter.
“Did you ever get used to it?” I asked.
“What? The danger?”
I nodded. “That, and the killing.”
“Not really,” she said. “But I accepted that it’s a part of their lives. They avoid it whenever possible, but they don’t shy away from it, either.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“There are people in this world that will hurt and kill just because they like it,” she said. “Luca and Steven aren’t like that. They kill when they have to because the family demands it, but they don’t enjoy it. I know Luca, I know he doesn’t love killing, even if he is really good at it.”
“I’m afraid I’m falling for a monster.” I felt the words slip out, and it was like speaking them from a distance. I heard them, but I was far from my body, at the other end of a telephone line with a bad connection.
Colleen only smiled and shook her head. “Don’t worry,” she said. “He’s not a monster. And if he is, he’s a loyal monster. He’s one of the good monsters.”
I picked up the toast and took a bite. “Am I wearing your clothes right now?” I asked.
She stood up. “You sure are,” she said. “But keep them. Looks better on you.”
“Thanks.” I ate the whole piece of toast, surprising myself.
She tilted her head to one side, red hair falling down around her shoulders. “Take a shower, brush your teeth, and come downstairs. You’ll feel better when you’re done, I promise.”
“Thank you,” I said.
She nodded, waved, and left the room.
I sat there staring after her for a while. But then I began to move, got out of bed, stretched my legs, finished the coffee, and went into the bathroom. I found a brand new toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste. I brushed my teeth, took a shower, put the same rumpled clothes back on but felt so much better.
She was right. By the time I got out and went down the steps, I felt like a person again.
I found Luca and Steven sitting at a long, wooden kitchen table. Colleen was in the kitchen, doing dishes. I lingered in the living room next to the long brown couch, but Luca caught my eye and stood. He came to me, head tilted to one side, walking softly like he was afraid he’d spook me away.
“You’re up,” he said.
“Sorry if I slept too long.”
“No, it’s okay,” he said. “I’m just glad you got some sleep.”
I stared at him. He came close, stopped inches away. Steven got up, tossed me a smile, and disappeared into the kitchen, leaving me alone with Luca.
He cocked his head and reached out for me. I didn’t flinch away like I thought I would. He drew me close, up against his chest, and kissed my hair.
I let him hold me like that. I felt so selfish and stupid, but his touch felt good, and I needed something to hold onto right them. I knew my mother was missing, I knew she was taken by the Jalisco, but I couldn’t focus on that, at least not for a little while. I needed Luca to take away the pain that had been tearing its way through my skull since the night before, and his touch managed to do that, or at least he managed to soften it enough to be bearable.
“What are we going to do?” I asked, my voice a strangled whisper. I felt tears gather in my lower eyelashes.
“We’re going to find your mother,” he said. “I promise.”
“What if you can’t?”
“We will.” He pulled me away, looked into my eyes. “I swear, Clair. I’m not letting you down.”
“I believe you,” I said, and even if he wasn’t lying, even if he meant every word he said, I knew there was a real chance I might not ever see my mother alive again, or at least not in one piece.