I want to tell her about all the girls I’ve left over the years. I want to tell her about that time in Europe, how I went from city to city, smoking dope and hanging around. I was a waste of space, just another asshole looking to fuck girls and get drunk. It’s not a time in my life that I think about much anymore, and I work hard to try to be a better man these days. I put all that behind me, but at one point in my life, I was just another piece of shit, sort of like Erik.
Maybe that’s why I despise the guy so much.
But Chloe makes me want to be better. She makes me want to lift myself up, even beyond what I’ve done for myself. Over the years I’ve gotten better, but I’m still a selfish prick. When my sister was going through all that shit with her husband, and my father was suffering through the merger, I was still out here on the West Coast, looking out for myself. I should’ve called them more, or even just went out to help
Instead, I didn’t.
I regret a lot of the things I’ve done in my life. But I don’t regret kissing Chloe, fucking her, tasting her, helping her. I don’t regret that one bit. I’m not sure she can really understand it, but hopefully one day.
“You’re worth the risk,” I say softly, and I hope that conveys everything I’m thinking.
“I don’t know if I am.” She bites her lip.
“I want you to know something.” I reach out and pull her against me, fist tight in her hair. “You’re all mine, little Chloe. I know things are hard right now, but I’m not going to leave you.”
“I believe you,” she whispers. I kiss her again and when it’s over, she gets to her feet. “But I’m also not going to let you risk your job just because you want to give me a picnic.”
I laugh and lean back on my elbows. “I was hoping I’d get laid again, truth be told.”
She rolls her eyes. “That was a one-time thing.”
“Pretty sure it’s been more than once.”
“I mean, right here.” She blushes. “You know what I mean.”
I chuckle and sit up. “I get it. But you don’t have to go.”
“No, I should. I really… I love that you did this. Thank you.”
“Sure.” I push myself up to my feet. “We can be normal, you know. We don’t have to hide this.”
“We do and we both know it. If anyone gets word of it…” She shakes her head. “Anyway, I should go. I’ll see you later?”
“Yes, you will.”
I watch as she turns away and disappears back through the bushes. I sit down on the edge of the fountain and stare at the water for a longer moment, my mind whirling through possibilities. I want to get out of this situation, but I need to make sure I end up with her when it’s through.
That’s the most important thing, whether she realizes it or not.
I gather up my blanket, throw it in my bag, and carry all the stuff back to my office to get ready for practice.16Chloe“Well, I think you pretty much get it.” I lean back in the plastic chair and stretch a little. My legs hurt from sitting for the last two hours and I can’t wait to get out of here. I still get weird looks every time I come around the tutoring room, and it seems like everyone knows about that embarrassing little banner, even though nobody’s talking about who put it there.
“Yeah? You think so?” Emily beams at me. She’s a pretty brunette freshman on the softball team. She’s short and round and plays catcher, but she’s a sweet girl, even if she’s about as bright as a box of rocks.
“Sure, just practice a little more at home, and you’ll be fine.”
She beams and pushes her math notebook away. “Thanks, Chloe. You’re really nice, you know that?”
“Just doing my job,” I say with a smile.
“I don’t know why someone would put up that awful banner,” Emily says absently as she’s shoving her things into a tattered black JanSport backpack. She doesn’t even seem to be paying much attention to what she’s saying as my heart starts to skip beats. “I mean, you’re super nice. Doesn’t seem like the kind of prank someone should play on you, you know?” She looks up and stops suddenly. “Oh, god. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. It’s just…”
“It’s fine,” I say, blinking and looking away. “I guess everyone knows about that now.”
“Yeah,” she says, her voice low. “It’s really lame. The girls were all talking about it yesterday at practice, and we all agree whoever did that is a total asshole.”
I feel my smile come back, just a little bit. “Really?”