Possessive Fake Husband

“About what?” Josh asks.

“Well, you know, my mom. I get along fine with her, but Uncle Duncan thinks I’m, like, abusing her good will. That’s the phrase he keeps using.”

“I see,” Josh says, glancing at me.

I sigh then force myself to smile at Tyler. He smiles back, a little awkward, and I force myself not to see him as some frat boy reject. Instead, I try to see him for what he is: an adult man that refuses to grow up, and is now stuck between two worlds, not belonging in either.

“Listen, I’m going to be straight with you,” I say. “We need you to come work at Cork Electric.”

He snorts. “No thanks.”

“I know the idea of working for a big company probably sounds awful to you,” I say. “But the pay will be good, the hours will be reasonable, and the work won’t be boring.”

“Yeah, okay, all that sounds good. Can you pay me three hundred thousand per year?”

I blink and shake my head. “Uh…”

“No,” Josh says. “We definitely can’t.”

“That’s how much I made last year. I’m on track to make more this year.” He shrug. “I know my place is a shithole. I know I act like a dick most of the time. But I’m making really good money. Between streaming and poker, I do really good, you know?”

Josh gives me a bewildered look. “So why does your uncle want you to stop?”

“He thinks it’s a shitty job or whatever,” Tyler says. “I mean, he thinks I’m just some asshole, you know? He doesn’t care if I make money. He thinks I’m embarrassing.”

“Ah,” I say softly. “That’s really crappy of him.”

“Right?” He shrugs and takes another swig of beer. “Look, I get it. Uncle Duncan’s like, this fancy, buttoned-up guy, right? And I’m his loser nephew.”

“He thinks your mom is bothered by your, uh… lifestyle.” I’m not sure how else to put it.

He laughs. “Yeah, she doesn’t love it. But I think Uncle Duncan cares more than she does.”

“Well, fuck.” Josh takes a long drink of beer.

“What do you guys care about this, anyway?” Tyler asks.

“We’re trying to get your uncle to help us out,” I say. “It’s this whole thing.”

“Tell me about it,” he says, watching me.

So I do. I give him the quick rundown, starting from the beginning. I leave out the whole marriage thing though. I figure he doesn’t need to know about that part.

“Interesting,” he says. “So you’re bribing him. I didn’t think Uncle Duncan had it in him.”

“Now you know how much you matter to him,” I say.

He laughs. “Guess so.” He frowns a little. “So you really think you can survive if you merge your companies, huh?”

“That’s the plan.” Josh finishes his beer. “Mind if I have another?”

“Go for it.” Tyler leans back on the couch. Josh gets up and walks into the kitchen. “All right. Listen to this.”

“Yeah?”

“How about I work for you part-time? I’m not super picky or whatever. I have a degree in marketing, so I could do that, or whatever position you need filled.”

I blink at him, shocked. “Wait, really?”

“Fuck it. I mean, Uncle Duncan’s right that this poker and streaming gig won’t last forever, so having your shit on my resume might be good. And who knows, maybe I’ll like it, and I can be on the ground floor during that big merger.”

“Okay, that’s smart,” I say. “But, uh, how are you going to keep streaming and playing poker?”

“Oh, I do that shit for like a few hours at night,” he says, waving me off. “I can easily work part-time on top of my usual stuff.”

I stare at him. “You work a few hours a night… and make three hundred grand a year?”

“Yeah, I know. Insane, right?” He grins. “Now I bet you get why I don’t want a real job.”

“What’s this?” Josh asks, coming back into the room.

“He says he’ll work for us part-time.”

Josh stops mid-stride and stares. Tyler just shrugs at him. “Yeah, man. That’s the deal.”

“You’re serious?” Josh slowly sits down and puts the beer aside. I grin at him and he stares warily at Tyler.

“Part-time. Whatever you need. She can fill you in.” He stands, finishes his beer, drops it on the floor, and crushes it. “That cool?”

“Uh, yeah,” Josh says, blinking rapidly.

“Cool. So I got this blunt I feel like smoking, you guys down?”

“No, uh, no thanks,” Josh says, standing. “We can’t right now. Got to do some… business stuff.”

“Cool, cool. I know all about business stuff.” He grins. “You can show yourselves out. I’m sparking up. Gotta work tonight, you know?”

“Sure. Can’t go to work sober,” I say.

“Except for my company,” Josh adds. “Then you’d better be sober.”

“No problem, boss,” Tyler says, waving as he walks away and heads back into another room.

I take Josh’s hand and we get the hell out of there before Tyler changes his mind. We hurry down the stairs and out in the city again before I burst out laughing.