“Just get out,” I grind the words through clenched teeth. Getting into a fight with Noah is the last thing I have strength for.
“Nope,” he taunts me. He even let’s the fucking ‘p’ pop.
I sit still for a moment, trying to breathe through the anger that’s threatening to tear a gaping hole through everything I know. Everything I ever believed.
I thought Fallon and I were one of a kind. I thought we shared something unbreakable. I was so careful with her. I wanted everything to be perfect for her.
But all it took was me fucking things up. One moment and I almost killed her.
God.
I could’ve killed Fallon.
My breathing speeds up, and unable to sit still, I push through the pain in my side and climb off the bed.
“You need the restroom?” Noah asks.
I feel his hand on my arm as I stare into the dark abyss that’s become my new normal.
Only, it’s far from normal.
It’s a fucking nightmare.
I push Noah away from me. “Get out!”
“Kao,” he snaps, my name filled with warning. “I get you’re upset, but you need to calm down.”
“Calm down?” I growl.
Stupidly, I try to glance around the room. It’s reflexes like this that trip me. Besides the dark pit of black ink, that’s a constant reminder, habits make it so much worse.
I blindly swing at anything… something, and the back of my hand connects with the glass of water that was next to the bed. I hear it shatter, and it drives me to keep going. I need to sow destruction. I need to let out the anger… the despair… the fucking guilt.
I almost killed Fallon.
I hurt her.
I fucking scarred the woman I love.
Arms come around me, and I instantly know they belong to my father. He pins me to his chest.
One.
Two.
Three.
I suck in a desperate breath and then let out a shout, hoping it will rid me of the chaos.
“I’ve got you,” Dad says, and he pulls me down to the floor. I let my body slump against his as another cry tears through me.
I was supposed to keep her safe.
I… I… I fucked everything up.
I fucking deserve to be blind.
At least then I won’t have to see the damage I’ve done. I won’t have to face the destruction I’ve caused.
Dad’s arms tighten around me. “Shhh… I’m here.”
I shake my head because not even that’s enough any longer. This is something my father can’t fix for me.
The worst part? I can’t even remember the accident. I can’t recall the moment my life lost all meaning.
My body shakes in my father’s hold as the agony of what I’ve done to Fallon rips my soul to shreds.
Once again, time warps into nothing but bitterness and crippling guilt.
I don’t know how long Dad holds me, his words of reassurance bouncing off the hellish chaos that’s enveloped me. Somehow, I manage to calm down. But it feels empty, like the silence when you’re caught in the eye of a storm, waiting for the second half to hit.
“They’ve scheduled the transplant for Monday,” Dad reminds me. “You’ll get your vision back.”
I shake my head as I let Dad help me to my feet. I bump against the side of the bed before I carefully sit down on it.
The doctor said there’s a ten percent chance the transplant won’t work. Even if it’s a success, so much can still go wrong. I’ll probably never get my full vision back.
And honestly… I don’t have the guts to face what I’ve done to Fallon.
“No.” The word falls hard in the room.
“No?” Dad asks. “For what?”
“I won’t go through with the transplant.”
This black hole will be my prison for what I’ve done to her.Chapter 5FALLONNoah burst into my room, a thunderous expression etched on his face. “Can you come talk to Kao?”
I’m still a mess from Kao’s reaction to my injuries and haven’t even started to process anything. Somehow, I manage to push the covers off me. “Did something happen?” I ask, my voice hoarse from the raw heartache.
Noah frustratingly thrusts a hand through his hair. “He’s losing his shit and refusing the transplant.”
“What?” I gasp. I climb off the bed, and with my own pain shoved to the side, I rush out of the room. My thoughts are instantly consumed with worry for Kao. “That’s insane!”
“Yeah. He won’t even listen to Uncle Marcus. I thought maybe you can get through to him.”
We hurry to the room, and as I near the door, I hear Kao shout, “I’ve made up my mind!”
“I won’t let you do this to yourself,” Mr. Reed hollers just as I step inside. “You will go through with the transplant.”
“Dad,” Kao yells, “Drop it!”
Mr. Reed’s breaths race over his lips, his face torn between frustration and heartbreak.
Kao, on the other hand, looks murderous. I’ve never seen that expression on his face before, and it makes a shiver ripple through me.