I nod and swallow hard as Mom continues to remove the bandage. When she’s done, she wraps her arm around my shoulder and says, “It’s looking so much better already.”
I take a deep breath, and fisting my hands at my sides, I push through the anxiety and open my eyes.
Oh, God.
The ground rips open beneath my feet as my gaze settles on the haphazard red cuts and stitches. I look like something from a horror movie. Random gashes mar my skin all the way from my cheek down to my neck.
Absolute revulsion shudders through me, and I gasp, “Mommy.”
Mom’s hold on me tightens, and she moves between the mirror and me. Her eyes lock on mine, and I see the heartache she feels for me shimmering in them. “Dr. Menard is the best. He’ll make it all go away,” she tries to reassure me.
“I look like a monster,” I cry.
I can’t deal with this.
“Let’s get it cleaned and covered again. Okay?” Mom says, and she hurries through the routine.
My eyes are glued to the mirror. It feels like the woman in me has been cut out of me.
I’m disfigured.
All I can manage are shallow breaths. Mom carefully puts on fresh bandages, and once she’s done, her arms wrap tightly around me. “I promise I’ll make sure every last scar is gone. Okay?”
Stuck in a haze of disgust and shock, I nod.
Even though the cuts are covered, I can still see them clearly. They’re hideous.
I’m ugly.
Bile pushes up my throat, and pulling free from Mom, I rush to the toilet. My body heaves as I vomit from the sight of my face.
Mom’s hand settles on my back as I empty my stomach. Once I sit back, sobs begin to wrack through me.
I’ll never be able to show my face in public.
Mourning the loss of my perfect life, I have no idea how I’ll ever be able to accept living as a disfigured woman.
Woman?
No.
No longer.
I’m nothing more than a monster.KAOI get to go home for three days before I have to return for the surgery.
Dad argued that I should give school a break. I know it doesn’t make sense that I return to Trinity because I can’t attend classes. Still, I want to be in my own space. I know exactly where everything is in the suite.
Noah helps me up to the suite. I hear him shut the door behind us, and then Mila says, “Welcome back.” Her arms wrap around me.
When she pulls back, someone else hugs me, then Jade mumbles, “I missed you.”
“Thanks, girls.” I tighten my hold on Noah’s arm. “I’m just going to head to my room.”
Noah leads me down the hallway, and when he shuts the door behind us, I let out a heavy breath.
I recall where everything is and head in the direction of the bed. When I bump into it, Noah says, “We should check how many steps there are between everything. If you memorize it, you should be able to move around better.”
“Okay.” I sit down on the side of the bed.
“One. Two…”
“Are you doing it now?” I ask.
“Might as well,” Noah states, and then he continues to count. “Okay, so there are seven steps between the door and the bed.”
“Got it.”
I hear him move around, and then he says, “Five from the bedside table to the bathroom and then five to the toilet.”
I let out a chuckle. “Got it.”
“From the foot of the bed to your closet is four to the right, then five forward.
“I’m not going to remember it all.”
“We’ll run through it a couple of times. Get up,” Noah orders.
Groaning, I rise to my feet, and we begin to practice walking around the room I’ve been living in the past four years.
I hear the door open. “Look who’s home,” Jase says. All the aggression from the fight is gone, and he sounds like his old self again. “Welcome back.” Then he asks, “What are you doing?”
“I’m helping Kao get used to moving around the room,” Noah explains.
“Need help?”
“Sure,” Noah answers. “Go stand by the bathroom.”
Noah leads me back to the bed. “You’re on the right side of the bed. I’ll be at the walk-in closet.”
“And?” I ask, not sure what they expect me to do.
“It’s five steps to Jase. Let’s see if you can do it,” Noah instructs.
I shrug and take five careful steps. Jase lets out a burst of laughter right by me. “You did it. Fucking awesome.”
“Now it should be six steps to me,” Noah says, sounding a little proud.
I turn to my right and count six steps, but halfway through the sixth one, I walk into Noah, and he instantly grips hold of my arms. “Okay, so it’s five and a half.”
“What are you all doing?” I hear Hunter ask.
“Hey, you’re just in time. Stay right there,” Jase answers him. “Kao’s learning how many steps to take to get around the room.”