I don’t want to let you go.
But I don’t have a choice.
“Yeah, that was a mistake,” I keep lying. “We were never meant to be more than friends.”
“How can you say that?” she gasps. “I know you love me, Kao. I saw it in your eyes. I felt it in your hugs.”
God help me. I’m not strong enough to break her heart.
Getting up from the bed, I thrust a hand through my hair.
Fuck, this is killing me.
“Of course I love you, Fallon,” I admit one truth before I continue with the lies, “As a friend. Nothing more.”
I hear her breath hitch, and my arms yearn to comfort her.
“How can you stand there and say there was nothing more than friendship between us?” she snaps.
It’s good that she’s getting angry. It will help her deal with the heartache.
Before I can answer her, Fallon continues, “What about all the things you said last Wednesday? You asked me on a date, Kao. Yeah, you wanted to take things slow, but… you asked me on the date.”
“I made a mistake.” I let out a sigh. All the lying is gutting me wide open. It feels like my soul is hemorrhaging. “I… We’ve always gotten along. I think with Hunter and Jade, and then Jase and Mila pairing up, I got caught up in the moment.”
Fuck, this is so unfair. Why did that truck have to hit us? Why did this happen to us?
I shake my head, the questions only filling my chest with more despair.
My heart cracks right down the middle as I say, “I care for you the same way I care for the other girls. I’m sorry I let you think otherwise.”
I hear her get up, and then she comes to stand in front of me. I can feel her gaze on me and lower my eyes in the direction of the floor.
Her hand touches my jaw, and then she nudges my face up. “Don’t look down and tell me we’re nothing more than friends.”
I pull back from her touch and gathering the last of my strength, I keep my voice low and cold as I say, “Stop digging for something that’s not there, Fallon! I don’t have to justify my feelings to you. Fucking drop it already. I’m trying to save our friendship.”
“I…” I hear her suck in a trembling breath. “I just don’t understand.”
“What’s there to understand?” I snap, needing to end this conversation. “I never should’ve asked you on the date. We shouldn’t have been on that road, to begin with.”
Needing to leave because I can’t stomach hurting her more than I already have, I walk in the direction I think the door is. My hand smacks against the wood, and I feel for the knob. As I let myself out, I hear Fallon’s breath hitch before a soft sob escapes her.
Closing my eyes, it’s almost impossible to leave her, but I somehow manage. Shutting the door behind me, I stumble in a broken stupor towards my own bedroom.
My heart feels shredded, but I keep telling myself it’s for the best. I can’t offer Fallon the future she deserves.
It’s for the best.
She’ll find someone who will be able to give her the world.
Once I close the door behind me, I sink to the floor, and I shove both my hands through my hair. I try to breathe past the unbearable pain until I lower a hand to claw at my chest.
It fucking hurts. So much.
God, why didn’t I die?Chapter 9FALLONI have to meet with Dr. Menard at eleven am. You’d think it would be the only thing on my mind, but it’s not. I’m still trying to process everything that’s happened. My emotions are all over the place.
Kao’s words. They keep shredding my heart to pieces.
My guilt is eating away at me, destroying the last of my spirit. I shouldn’t have told Kao to take that route to the restaurant. The accident could’ve been avoided if I’d kept my mouth shut.
Kao blames me.
Through the turbulent mess inside me, fear taints everything with despairing shadows. How am I going to adjust to life with scars? A life without Kao?
While I try to make sense of everything, I’m constantly bombarded with memories of us, which hurt me even more.
My stomach is knotted with nerves as I walk toward Kao, where he’s sitting with the other guys in the living room. We’re all at Jase’s place for a barbeque. My prom’s this coming Friday, and I’m out of time. Either I ask Kao to escort me, or I’ll have to go alone.
Guys from school have asked me, but I said no to them all. There’s only one man I have eyes for, and I’m inches from him.
Kao’s striking gaze drifts to me, and the corner of his mouth lifts. He’s so attractive it stuns me for a moment.