What the hell was I doing here? I should’ve left this alone, left her alone. I was losing my shit. I had to get away from her, get on my bike and ride. Just fuckin’ ride.
“It was still you.” Her soft whisper cut through the tension in my body and then her hands reached for me, fingers curling into my T-shirt. “It was you.” She choked on a sob. “It was still you and I needed you to remember so you could escape them.”
Somewhere inside me I knew that. That flicker of light that kept being snuffed out by the anger. “Yeah,” I dragged out. “Yeah.”
God, I was so damn tired of the constant battle in my head, the memories of what I’d done. They were clips from a horror movie where I was the villain, the monster.
I wanted to forget again. Just fuckin’ leave everything and forget.
“Alina,” I whispered as I leaned into her, bending so my forehead rested in the crook of her neck. Her heart beat erratically and her body trembled against me. “I hurt you. What I did to you… damn it, baby, I don’t know who the fuck I am anymore.”
“Connor,” she said. “You’ll always be Connor.”
My spine stiffened and my body thrummed with sparks of warning. I knew eyes were on me; I was trained to know when I was being watched.
I had to get out of here before I had ex-military buddies all over me and my sister finding out I was fifty feet away and very much alive.
Being here was fuckin’ stupid. Irrational.
I had to get the fuck out and ride. Ride until I was too far away to turn back. Escape.
But death was my only escape.
I stepped back from her and my shirt stretched as she held onto it a second before finally letting go. The material dropped back in place.
There was no point in hiding from whoever had recognized me and I didn’t really care. I was leaving anyway. I turned my head and met Kai’s eyes drilling into me.
Kai was the unknown.
I didn’t know him, although I’d fought him in the Toronto Vault house. And he was good, knew how to handle a knife better than me. I knew his bitch mother who he’d killed. Kai turned on her and Vault, and from what I’d seen, he was now with Deck.
I knew how Deck would react if he saw me. He’d be on me, but he’d be calm about it. He’d never kill me, but he’d try to take me down.
Kai, I wasn’t so sure about.
I positioned myself in front of Alina like a wall and Kai wrapped his arm around the girl beside him. My eyes flicked to her and my gut twisted. It was like being slammed with a baseball bat in the abdomen as I met the familiar eyes.
One of my nightmares. Her. On the ground bleeding while I held a gun in my hand. My breath locked and I shook my head trying to erase the image. I wouldn’t fuckin’ do that. I’d never shoot a woman.
But I had.
I knew with everything inside me, I had. And it had been Kai’s woman, London. I’d shot her and taken her into Vault’s web.
I’d hurt Alina, too, but in a much different way.
Alina touched my arm, fingers sliding down my tatted skin to my wrist. “Let me bandage your hand.”
I jerked away, knowing I had blood dripping off my knuckles from punching the wall. I did a quick scan of the bar to see if anyone else had noticed me but all eyes were on the band.
Then I briefly met Kai’s eyes again before saying over my shoulder to Alina. “Find another job. I don’t want you working here.”
I moved and headed for the back door.
I didn’t say anything else to her. I didn’t look back at her or Kai. I didn’t check to see if Kai had his knife out and was going to throw it across the bar into my back.
I simply walked down the hall that led to the fire exit, shoved my hip into the metal bar on the door and went out into the back alley.
Then I dug my hand into the front pocket of my black cargo pants and pulled out my keys. I strode to my bike, pulled on my helmet, threw a leg over, started it up.
The engine rumbled beneath me.
Freedom.
I gambled with death every time I got on my bike and I craved it then more than ever.
I snapped the tinted shield closed.
The back door of the bar opened and Alina stood with her hand covering her mouth, tears streaming down her cheeks.
I revved the engine then took off.RACKING SOBS TORE through me as I watched Connor ride off. Fist to my mouth, teeth biting down, I tried to contain the utter devastation of what just happened.