Perfect Rage (Unyielding 3)

The emptiness never eased, that hole inside me would exist forever because he took that part of me with him.

I leaned against the countertop, closed my eyes and two tears escaped as I caressed my belly where our little girl slept. “He’d love you so much if he were here. I won’t let you grow up without knowing him, my sweet girl.” I kept a journal like the one Connor once had when we met. On the first few pages, I wrote our nineteen questions and Connor’s answers. Then I began writing everything I knew about him, but I wasn’t done yet.

In the evenings when I wasn’t working, I sat in the cabana and wrote so that one day when the time was right, I’d be able to share Connor with our daughter. It was important to me that she knew what an incredible man he was. And hopefully she’d understand why he left us. I never wanted her to be angry with him for leaving.

“Are we having a girl, shutterbug?”

I gasped, my eyes flying open at the sound of his voice. “Connor?” I grabbed the edge of the counter as my knees weakened.

Oh, God. Connor. “You’re here,” I murmured, afraid to go near him and find out I was the one with the hallucinations. That the bubble would pop and he’d no longer stand five feet away.

“Yeah.” He shifted his weight as if he was uncomfortable and his hands rubbed the sides of his jeans a couple times. He nodded to the fridge with the sonogram. “Is that her?”

I nodded, biting my lower lip as I tried to keep the tears at bay.

He walked over to the fridge and stared at it for what seemed like forever, but was probably only ten seconds.

He turned. “And you. Are you okay?”

I inhaled a quivering breath. “Umm, well, yeah, but not really. I’m freaking out right now, Connor.”

“Yeah. Sorry.” Then he asked hesitantly, “Are you good with me being here?”

I held the counter so tightly that I heard the laminated wood moan under the pressure. “I really don’t know what to say right now.”

He sighed, nodding, eyes shifting to the floor. “Yeah. Fuck. I get that.”

God, he looked so different. I mean he was the same, but something was missing. He also made no move to come toward me, which I found very unlike Connor.

Then it hit me. There was no anger lingering. No tension in his body, and the blue in his eyes was calm and steady. “Oh, my God, you got help.”

He raised his head to meet my eyes. “Yes.”

Holy shit. “But… I don’t understand.”

“Would it be cool if I explained after I kiss you?”

A wave of warmth blanketed me and my belly dropped. Connor was here and he wanted to kiss me.

I was unable to speak, so I just nodded.

The corners of his mouth lifted and that right there was enough to spill the tears pooled in my eyes. It took him four strides to reach me and then his hands cradled my head. But he didn’t kiss me right away. Instead he closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine.

“Alina,” he whispered. “Fuck, I dreamed about this day. The moment when I’d touch you again.” His warm breath was minty and fresh as it wafted over my face. “I need to savor every second of this moment, baby.” He spoke in a ragged low voice as if he had difficulty with the words.

My body quivered and trembled and I didn’t know how long he wanted to savor this moment, but I wasn’t as patient as I stood on my tiptoes. “Can we savor later? I really need you to kiss me right now.” I needed a hell of a lot more than a kiss as my sex clenched with the thought of Connor in my arms again.

“Fuck, I missed you.” He leaned closer so his lips brushed my ear and whispered, “Three, three, two, six. Three months. Three weeks. Two days and six hours I was apart from you. But I never forgot you, Alina. Not for one second.”

And that was the last of any control as Connor’s mouth took mine.

It was a plea being answered.

A desperate need being fed.

A craving being satisfied.

My fingers curled into his shirt as his groan vibrated against my lips and fireworks shot through my body.

His hand moved down to the small of my back and he tugged me closer while his other hand shifted to the back of my neck, bunching my hair in his grip.

No words were needed. The kiss said it all.

It was our complicated love becoming simple.

Our broken picket fence mending.

And it was Connor coming home.

He drew back and both of us inhaled ragged breaths, chests rising and falling. “God, I never thought I’d get this chance,” he said. “I left thinking I wouldn’t.” He stroked up and down my back. “So many times I thought I’d go crazy missing you. But that’s what kept me sane, knowing if I risked losing my mind, I’d get back to you.” He quirked a half grin. “Sound fucked?”